Husband hid debt and job loss don’t know what to do

[Plummytree]

I moved to another country 2 years ago with dh. He has massively lied to me.
When we first got to this country I found out he’s taking out loads of debt and he was working to pay that down.

I’ve now just found out he’s lost his job two months ago but lied about that too. I’m so angry. I’m not allowed to work in this country. I don’t know what to do. He was getting up and going into his office to fake having a job.

can anyone give me any advice. I haven’t worked for years because we kept moving around his job and I begged him to settle down so I could work. Dc has been to a few schools too. When I did work he’d take all my pay and waste it though.
This is the third time in our 15 year marriage he’s been made redundant. Luckily he’s been paid £30k redundancy and we have £200k in the bank from selling our house in the uk. I’ve transferred that all to my bank now. He’s spent all other savings and still has debt.

we were in the U.K. last week and he deliberately hid losing his job because he knew I wouldn’t come back with him if I knew. Now I’m back abroad with dc starting a new school next week with fees already paid. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to hold it together. I have no family or friends. I had to run away from serious domestic abuse from my family when I got married and cut everyone off so they couldn’t find me. That’s why I’m still with dh. I have noone else.

I have no rights in this country. I would have to get a flight back to the uk. My dc 13 would want to come with me but I don’t know how to sort everything out. Dh has deliberately left everything as difficult as possible for me to walk away.

Can you make an emergency reason for getting back to the uk sooner?

I appreciate the help. I am so so scared I need to get myself together. I should have woken up a long time ago. I just feel so shocked anyone could do this to their own dc and I have enabled it. Feel sick and utterly stupid.

I think many private renters would let to you if you could pay say 6 months of rent up front? That could give you time to find a job then x

I know you say you have no one in the UK but us there anyone who could 'die' that you could say you need to return fur their funeral, taking dc with you?

Could you book a 'surprise holiday' to the UK for half term and once you get there just disappear to an Airbnb you've rented in advance?

You need to find an excuse to get back to the UK and then refuse to return. There's nothing he can do to force you to return once you're here.

The fact that your DH hid from you when you were in the Uk has no bearing.
You have residency in another country. Neither parent can return to the UK with the children without consent of the other parent.

Is that true if it’s not a Hague country though? Would the uk make someone return a child to a non local in a non Hague country? Does it make a difference if the child is a teen and can say I want to stay? All questions worth knowing the answer to.

There must be women’s aid or something in your country. Please please try them. The embassy will be able to help. Until you try you don’t know

I think play along don’t alert home to your fear or plan.

Return to the UK at half term. In the meantime open a bank account online for the UK and organise a rental. As others have said rent paid up front is attractive to landlords.

First just get back away from this vulnerable situation where you have no rights or support.

Form a plan
Play the part
Have a routine
Then get out of there

Only if the country of residence is a signatory of the Hague Convention. The OP has said that her current country of residence is not one.

If the OP can get back to the UK with her child, there will be nothing her selfish toad of a husband can do.

If it takes lying to make the move, I see nothing morally wrong with that, given his egregious behaviour.

OK, assuming OP is somewhere shit like Dubai from her description.

If DH suspects you are leaving with his DC without his permission and it’s a Muslim country, you will still not be able to leave, and might even be arrested.

It’s all very well people being gung ho about what to do but it’s a huge risk. Do you think you can hold out and suggest a trip home? Is there any chance he would agree to you leaving with DC?

Leave.

I think contacting Women’s Aid, as a previous poster suggested, is the best course of action, explain what you have here. As I understand it, they may be able to help you with a plan.
A friends daughter contacted them yesterday (different situation but similar DH issues) and they were superb!

Is husband able to find another job pronto?

Is the country you are in co ered by the Hague Convention. Can you safely leave with your children?

Ok, so. Shamefully, my own uncle was one of these types of ‘men’. If he’s anything like that sort of pathological liar, then play dumb and flee with the kids. No Hague convention, no kidnapping law. Then report financial abuse the minute you return to the Uk.

This may sound like a silly question, but aside from his incompetence, and the lies he told to cover it is he an otherwise decent man?
I mean, decent enough to feel remorse, and work with you and cooperate with you, so you could rebuild your life and take care of yourself and DS?
Because if you could get to a stage with him where you can be civil and come up with a plan where he at least assisted you to come home, it would make life a great deal easier for you.
What is his behaviour now? Is he sorry? Do you get the sense he cares for your welfare and DS's?

Book the tickets, get on the plane. I'm assuming you're in the ME? He'll know once you're through passport control, but there's little he can do. I had a colleague take the DC on holiday at Christmas and just not return. It happens.

You have funds so can offer a letting agent 6 months up front; they can hold it and pay the LL monthly.

'an anyone give me any advice. I haven’t worked for years because we kept moving around his job and I begged him to settle down so I could work.'

He managed to find a job what an excuse. Enjoy his 200k!

I would go and see a lawyer asap.
One specialised in divorce in your situation.

You need to remember you can’t take a child away from their father and place of residence wo the agreement of the father. It could be treated as kidnapping. Esp as your dc already has school fees paid etc showing he is settled where you are.

Id also be asking if the visa you have is still valid if he has lost his job. And therefore what’s your and your dc position on that.
Again Deoending in the country, finding yourself outstaying a visa migut not just lead to be sent back to the U.K….

@5128gap he hid £50k of debt. I forgave him for that and we put a plan together to pay it down. He kept mucking that up, not registering for 0% credit cards in time to not pay interest etc buying fancy unnecessary things on the basis that he’d got two extra jobs once I found out, and that paid a fair amount down each month and there was light at the end of the tunnel kind of thing. Even with his stupidity.

But now with debt and not enough income to cover our expenses I think there’s no coming back from this when he doesn’t seem to see how his lies have ruined us. He’s signed dc up for paid extra curriculars knowing he’d lost his job for example. Dc will be forced to leave all schooling if he can’t pay. I’m done. I wish i could salvage things to stay until dc is finished school but I don’t think I can even if I want to.

1). British embassy or consulate. Ask for a Hague Convention lawyer (if you are in a signatory country). VISA STATUS FOR EVERYONE.

2). What do YOU want. Where do you want to end up?

3). Appointment with said lawyer

4). Send dc to school.

it seems your marriage over. Will your ex dh stay where he is? Will he move? Is he resident of where you are or just a visa holder?

if ytoure not in a hague convention country just take the dc and leave he probably wont even fight you and will be hard for uk government to reutrn you

Landlords aren't allowed to take six months rent in advance any longer unless possibly the tenancy has already been agreed and offered by the tenant, not requested by landlord.
Air bob would probably be beat initially and present as homeless immediately. You may need to return to an area that you have a local connection to- ie where you lived before you moved abroad.

Finally someone said it. Thanks you.

You’re getting some awful advice here, legally.

Is the country that you’re in a signature to The Hague Convention?

If so, you can go home and refuse to return, but you would have to return your children unless he gave permission for them to stay. They have lived there for two years; they are going to school there. They are habitually resident. You cannot unilaterally change that. If you breach that, you’ll be considered to have kidnapped them, they will be returned to him, and it can have a big impact on your eventual custody/residency.