Is this ok for a picky M in Law visit?

[Lemontreeinthecity]

When your in- laws come for a visit, if, like mine, live far away so need to stay over a few nights…how much cleaning of the house do you do?
Bearing in mind I have kids, work, hubby works full time long hours….
Ive cleaned the guest room today, cleaned all the ensuite. Tidyed up as much as can with little ones… cut the lawns…weeded…
Feel like I should just let them take it as it is. I’m a bit over pleasing a MinL who will tell people what she thinks anyway…

what do you do? Also if they said they wanted to stay for nearly a week and you thought a few nights, what would you say? My hubby isn’t super close with them. He would rather they not come. Yep that’s where I’m at. I’m doing this for the little ones.

I would have got him to tidy and clean for his family. If he cba then you just say “speak to DH, he was responsible for it” and wave them away.

They don’t sound great. Are you sure they’re adding significant value to your children’s lives by staying with you?

Yes I'd be leaving it up to my dh too. Either that or what about them staying in the local travelodge instead?

If your DH doesn’t want them to come, why are they coming?

I’ve never done any extra housework when PILs visited when we lived at a distance. I mean, they’re DH’s parents.

I agree your DH should be front and centre prep'ing for a visit from his parents. If they're coming this weekend - there's still time for him to pitch in, shopping, meal prep, being around for his parents etc. If they want to stay longer, say it's not convienient, you have plans and definitiely not if DH is back at work

Please don't tell me he won't be around for the full length of their visit...
Next time - let your DH do all the arranging and if he doesn't want them to visit - they don't visit.

just drop the rope and leave it to your DH. If he doesn’t bother then so be it.
You need to be firm and say, you can stay until x day. You don’t have to give a reason but if you feel you need to then you’re out, got people visiting, whatever.
and it doesn’t matter how much you clean, people will still say what they want to say.
my MIL retrospectively complained how unwelcome I made her feel as I hadn’t made the bed when she arrived. Note- I. Clearly that was expected of me. Not DH. And anyway, I’d imagine the reason the bed wasn’t made was that I was washing and tumbling it so it was fresh!

Ive cleaned the guest room today, cleaned all the ensuite. Tidyed up as much as can with little ones… cut the lawns…weeded…

Apart from the gardening bit isn't that what you'd do for any guests? During their stay obviously daily life will continue and there will be mess, toys etc but clean & tidy with their room ready is just basic hospitality, IMO

I would generally have a good clean of guest room and bathrooms before any guests, MIL or anyone else! Cutting the lawn and weeding seems a bit over the top though. And I would definitely expect DH to muck in and help. I like to have a clean house but I wouldn't go mad cleaning - I always think guests are coming to see you, not check on your cleanliness. If they're very judgy, they're going to find something anyway so that's up to them!

When my in laws come DH is responsible for any prep. I do it if it’s my parents coming. The house is generally clean anyway, but any ‘extra’ prep is on DH

I've never had to clean prior to any guest coming. I'd have checked towels were nicely folded and the guest ahower for spiders/drips and opened the windows. The garden was DH's domain but he's a fusspost so would have done it.

Guests have yo take us as they find us but there has never been any need for enhanced cleaning before they arrive.

The ILs always stayed for a week and don't get me started on the food fussiness for people who ate anything.

Probably easy for me as MIL was inclined to grubbiness and couldn't cook.

Obviously you would have to clean the guest room and ensuite . That would go for any guests you have visiting. But I wouldn’t be bothered doing the garden . That would be husbands job . Can’t be superwoman.

I must admit that, as a MIL, this happened to us and it did make us feel extremely unwelcome. We have a five hour drive to get to our son's house and arrived late. After the usual pleasantries, a bit to eat etc, we staggered up to bed to find the sheets in a pile on top of the sofa bed which we had to pull out and make up. The room wasn't clean. DIL doesn't work outside the home, son works from home.

You really do sound like that MIL. Stay in a hotel next time.

Really Yetone? If anyone comes to stay at my house, I always make sure the bedroom is clean and ready for them. I see it as basic good manners no matter who it is.

I used to clean everything as MIL is very houseproud and I'm not, though they have never stayed overnight. The DC used to find it very stressful (sensory problems with hoovering). Then PIL reported me to social services for various reasons including the house being dirty & untidy (it wasn't!) so basically all that effort had been a complete waste.

Yes, you seem to think it was your DILs job as she ‘doesn’t work outside the home’. You have absolutely no idea how many tasks she had that day. If you want hotel service then stay in one. Most people wouldn’t be bothered about putting sheets on a bed. It doesn’t matter what your standards are. You can’t inflict your standards on other people.

Just because your DIL doesn’t work outside of the house, does that make it her job to sort the room for you?
The way I’d see it is this… your son has his ‘jobs’ (working, putting the bins out, whatever) and your DIL has hers (childcare, cooking, whatever). Making up a guest room for your stay is an ‘extra’ task, on top of their normal day to day tasks. In my house, that would be for DH to do as they’re his parents. If my parents were coming, I’d sort it.

But was this solely down to your DIL? My point was both DH and I are responsible for cleaning the house and getting stuff ready. Anyway, that was added to the list of transgressions….

I didn't say whose job it was. I couldn't care less whether it was my S or DIL who prepared the room, but I do think it is basic good manners than when you have a guest staying you make the room comfortable for them!

Perhaps they are trying to send you a message . It could be one on 2. Either they expect everyone staying to muck in or they don’t really want you staying.

I'm a great believer in "take the place as you find it if you don't like it don't come again". It shows people where they are placed in your hierarchy. Even when I rented I never tidied up for inspections. I always reminded the agent "Your here to inspect the fabric of the building and not my housekeeping".

I wouldn’t have guests for a week-especially picky ones, that’s too long!

if I have guests I always want them to feel welcome, and PiL keep an immaculate home so I try to make things as nice as I can for them in whatever time permits.

I make space in our coat closet for their stuff, and I make sure the hallway is super tidy and welcoming.

And giving the kettle a good descale and polish, a proper clean out of the fridge, and a very good tidy up, is often necessary.

If I’m hosting a special meal I’ll also usually polish the silverware! Lol.

She didn’t say it was - she said the DIL didn’t work outside the home and the son worked from home, implying they both could have had a chance to do it.

I’m v relaxed about guests and being a guest, but I would always prioritise making the room up for guests - it’s a pretty basic thing to do. Obv if there are mitigating circumstances (surprise visit / hosts ill or incapacitated/ hosts at extreme busy time for work or newborns or something) that’s understandable. And when we visit my MIL we always get all the beds ready because she is v old and v frail and we don’t want to wear her out. But for visiting perfectly capable people, yes it’s fair enough to hope they’ve made the bed up.

Nothing we do can ever be enough with my MIL so I let DH do it especially now as I have disabilities

My post was my experience. Hers was hers in response to mine hence why my comment about it being the DIL role.
anyway, the casual misogyny displayed in my case is irrelevant to the OP so I apologise for the tangent.