Neighbour on night shifts complaining about normal daytime noise during holidays

[User3627282646322244]

night shift neighbour and school holidays.

lived here for 14 years, semi detached, had the same neighbour throughout who we’ve generally never had any probs with… until now, he has a lodger, someone who’s recently been taken some wrong paths in life with drugs etc and he’s helping him out, which is great, the bloke seemed pleasant enough to start but he’s just taken a new job with night shifts and he’s started complaining about any noise coming from our house during the day.

we live in an area where there’s lot of kids, dogs, workmen etc so the normal day to day noise.

generally we are pretty quiet people I think, never intentionally make noise, always quiet in the mornings and evenings and during school time kids are at school, but obviously it’s the holidays and it’s been hot. We try and go out as much as possible but that obviously not all day every day.

he complained as we got the paddling pool out and he could hear the noise of the water etc, complaining when the kids have been talking - they aren’t young children, teenager and pre teen. There are lots of younger kids nearby as well.

my two have never been kids who play outside all day, so it’s usually short bursts, only after 10am.

the issue is the guy doesn’t sleep for several hours after coming home from his night shift, he goes to sleep in the afternoon and wakes up 20 minutes before he has to go again. I believe he generally does have sleep issues anyway because when he first moved in he’d keep us up all night, he’d be talking, on the phone, bonfires, parties with music and instruments, having loud sex until 4am (when Og neighbour was away)! He’s been in and out the house at all hours and opening and shutting his back door during the night. Not that I have said anything.

our car alarm randomly went off at 5pm and we got shouted as he was trying to sleep. Not like we did it on purpose and it was tea time, he was starting work in the next hour or so and I stopped it straight away!

I feel like I’m treading on egg shells. Scared to Hoover, scared to go outside - I held a birthday party for my daughter in the afternoon a couple weeks ago, thankfully nothing was said, kids are pre teens so probably not as noisy as say little ones but I feel like a night shift was his choice and we live in an area which is fairly busy. Too scared to cut the grass or do any diy(never do it early anyway!).

I can’t just keep all my windows and doors shut all summer.

trying to keep quiet but surely being expected to be deadly silent is unreasonable?

Just carry on as you were and don't engage with him.

I don't mean purposely make extra noise, but it doesn't sound like you are excessively noisy and he can't expect no noise.

Plus he isn't considerate either!

I think you just ignore him and carry on with your life as normal.

Ignore him and carry on. His needs don't trump everyone else’s, although he may feel they do, his antisocial hours job will need him to take steps so he can sleep as best as possible. That doesn't include stopping the world around him.

I had a similar neighbour. Once I stopped tip toeing around him the demands did eventually get better. He realised I wasn't going to keep bending over backwards to please him.

I think if I hadn't stopped, he would've worked himself up into a control frenzy because he lived the fact he had the power.

Just tell him once and for all you're not going to live your life around HIS job and carry on with your day. Put the lawnmower on, do the washing. Obviously don't make excessive noise but don't let him keep controlling you.
He chose to work nights. Life doesn't stop for every one else.

How is he getting the chance to whine at you, like is he knocking your door?
Put your hand up, say stop right there, get off my property. If you come near me again we will be reporting your harassment.
Tell his landlord to get him to stop.

I would be tempted to have a proper chat with the neighbour (not lodger) to explain his behaviour whilst he was on holiday, that you didn't say anything due to give and take, but he needs to extend the same and then firmly say you will not stop your children playing during normal daytime hours.

I imagine he will get sick of his druggy friend soon and boot him out anyway.

Just ignore him.

I used to work nights and it was my responsibility to get proper sleep. Thick curtains, moving your bed, playing music to drown out the noise.

He needs to work this one out on his own.

My dad worked shifts all his life, there were five young children in the house when I was growing up , never once did we have to stop doing normal things because he was sleeping. And we were not quiet! He just got used to being able to block out noise. If people work unsociable hours that's what they have to do.
I would have a word with your neighbour who owns the house. Tell him you are not being deliberately noisy but you and your children have to live their normal life and could he make sure his lodger realises that.

Where does this assumed absolute entitlement come from? There have also been numerous MN threads whereby people have decided to take jobs working from home and then been amazed, shocked and disgusted to discover that families in their neighbourhood will actually live in their homes, with young children playing and behaving like young children; rather than treating their own homes like noiseless offices.

It reminds me of the people who move into rural areas and then demand that the cockerels be silenced and muck-spreading be stopped; or those who buy a house in a pretty village next door to a centuries-old church, and then expect that the bells will be stopped from ringing just for them.

He works at the same place as my DP.

He works in the same place as my DP so that’s one way he’s venting the issues, but my DP doesn’t do night shifts or the same job role but they see each other in passing and things have been said, sarcastic comments etc.

So tell your boyfriend not to pass on any of the man's whining, he should be putting a stop to it.
He can easily say 'feel free to make a noise complaint to the council, it's no problem at all :)' it'll give the council a laugh.

If he's previously made a lot of noise at 4am in the past by partying then he can't really except you to now bend over backwards to accommodate his wants. It's an unreasonable ask of him to expect you to be silent throughout the day anyway, but he's clearly not a considerate person, so I wouldn't be bothered about upsetting him tbh. I would carry on as you are. It's on him to find solutions to sleep through normal levels of daily noise (or find a non night shift job), not on you to tiptoe around him

Print him out a page with loads of suggestion for ear plugs on and say “one of these should help you manage the sounds of everyday daytime noise”

Urgh my neighbour as a child used to kick off at us playing in the garden because he worked nights. My parents used to pander to it and bring us in or tell us to be quiet. Absolutely never again will I pander to a stupid man who doesn’t realise working nights is a choice and he is not entitled to silence for his sleep. Carry on as you were. Hoover your home. Play music. Cut the grass. This is all normal daytime noise. He will just have to deal with it

Stop tip toeing and tell him to shut the fuck up! It’s daytime noise, tough shit!

If I read it correctly and it’s the lodger you are having issues with, then you need to tell your neighbour. You also need to tell him about this guy’s noise when neighbour is not there.

Tell him to buy some earplugs or get a day time job. His employment arrangements are not your problem.

Just tell him it's ordinary daytime noise, and that he should wear earplugs as there is nothing that can be done about it.

i have a health condition which means I need to nap in the day- sometimes several times. I found using a fan for noise or wax ear plugs. He needs to try them.

While I can see why he’s annoyed, he can’t be unreasonable. He needs to take steps to sort his own stuff . Carry on. What’s he going to do- report you?

Your DH needs to tell him to stop bothering him at work or he’ll report him to HR/manager for harassment.

Ignore him. My dm used to do nights, on Sunday mornings the church bells would peal before services. Dm hated it but she didnt complain.

YANBU, he can't expect the world to stop for him. Some minor things you could do, like hoovering etc, but he can't expect kids not to play or enjoy their summer holidays. He needs to wear earplugs, play music etc, to help himself.

He showed you no consideration previously.

Your DH can report him to HR if he is harassing him at work.

Ultimately he needs to move to somewhere with no neighbours.

My Mum worked nights and just like your neighbour didn't go to sleep the second she got home from work. It would be like you going to bed at 6pm. She came home at 7am and had to have her "dinner" then unwind before heading to bed.

However, she invested in good noise cancelling ear plugs as the world obviously did not revolve around her and her sleeping.

Just carry on as normal as household noise is part of normal acceptable living. Open your windows, hoover etc. If he wants to complain tell him to contact the Environmental Health Department and they will tell him the same thing as I have, it is normal household noise within acceptable hours.

@User3627282646322244 Shift work is hard, and it’s fair to acknowledge that but daytime noise is normal and unavoidable. Teenagers chatting, paddling pools, a car alarm at 5pm, or cutting the grass in the afternoon are all reasonable. Its how society works.

He needs to adapt to his schedule with earplugs, blackout blinds, white noise etc. Expecting neighbours to be silent all day isn’t realistic. You’re already being considerate; you don’t need to tiptoe around your own home.

Perhaps explain this to the owner and explain you are feeling very uncomfortable and don't want to fall out, but when his lodger accepted a job with night shifts, the adjustments come with night work. And add that your household is not personally accountable for all daytime noise where you live, he needs to adapt.