Neighbour on night shifts complaining about normal daytime noise during holidays

[User3627282646322244]

night shift neighbour and school holidays.

lived here for 14 years, semi detached, had the same neighbour throughout who we’ve generally never had any probs with… until now, he has a lodger, someone who’s recently been taken some wrong paths in life with drugs etc and he’s helping him out, which is great, the bloke seemed pleasant enough to start but he’s just taken a new job with night shifts and he’s started complaining about any noise coming from our house during the day.

we live in an area where there’s lot of kids, dogs, workmen etc so the normal day to day noise.

generally we are pretty quiet people I think, never intentionally make noise, always quiet in the mornings and evenings and during school time kids are at school, but obviously it’s the holidays and it’s been hot. We try and go out as much as possible but that obviously not all day every day.

he complained as we got the paddling pool out and he could hear the noise of the water etc, complaining when the kids have been talking - they aren’t young children, teenager and pre teen. There are lots of younger kids nearby as well.

my two have never been kids who play outside all day, so it’s usually short bursts, only after 10am.

the issue is the guy doesn’t sleep for several hours after coming home from his night shift, he goes to sleep in the afternoon and wakes up 20 minutes before he has to go again. I believe he generally does have sleep issues anyway because when he first moved in he’d keep us up all night, he’d be talking, on the phone, bonfires, parties with music and instruments, having loud sex until 4am (when Og neighbour was away)! He’s been in and out the house at all hours and opening and shutting his back door during the night. Not that I have said anything.

our car alarm randomly went off at 5pm and we got shouted as he was trying to sleep. Not like we did it on purpose and it was tea time, he was starting work in the next hour or so and I stopped it straight away!

I feel like I’m treading on egg shells. Scared to Hoover, scared to go outside - I held a birthday party for my daughter in the afternoon a couple weeks ago, thankfully nothing was said, kids are pre teens so probably not as noisy as say little ones but I feel like a night shift was his choice and we live in an area which is fairly busy. Too scared to cut the grass or do any diy(never do it early anyway!).

I can’t just keep all my windows and doors shut all summer.

trying to keep quiet but surely being expected to be deadly silent is unreasonable?

My husband and I work nights and have done for 20 years with 5 kids……we coped and so will he. Carry on as you are, you are not being unreasonable.

He's completely unreasonable. I've worked in environmental health for 10 years dealing with noise, shift workers who complain about household noise during the day get politely told it's not something we investigate as it's not unreasonable. I would tell him to do one!

The world does not revolve around him.
Carry on as you are.
Its his problem not yours.
He has chosen to live in a busy area and work night shifts. So it's up to him to find a solution.
If he doesn't like it, he needs to move.

He needs to get over himself. When you actively choose to work nights, you MUST accept that there is going to be some type of daytime noise and sounds. Lawnmowers going, children playing and maybe yelling a bit, cars and motorbikes, birds tweeting, dogs barking, and if you're in a semi, peoples voices when they're raised, and doors closing/banging if it's windy etc etc.

My DH works nights, 2 weeks out of every 4, and he CHOSE this work pattern, as he prefers nights 'because there's no bosses there...' (About 8 years ago.) He used to moan about noise. Moaning about the kids next door - (just being kids, not being 'naughty') - and lawnmowers going, and house maintenance being done, and people chatting in the garden. I told him that he chose nights, most people don't do nights and are up in the day, and the whole world can't tip-toe around him and his bloody night shift.

After a while he stopped whining, (basically because I told him to STFU LOL) and got a white noise machine. It's an absolute gem. It cuts out about 80% of noise/sounds.) He hasn't whined for about 7 and a half years LOL!

So yeah @User3627282646322244 YANBU at all. Tell him get a job that isn't nights or get a job on the moon if he can't be doing with any sounds at all. Tell him you're not going to stop living because of a precious night shift worker and he needs to get a white noise machine.

Both you and your DP need to tell the lodger that the world doesnt revolve around him and that he should find somewhere in the forest to sleep if her cant cope with urban daytime noises.

Or you/your DH could try the direct approach and tell him to eff off and that his daytime sleep issues are not yours.

I have some sympathy for him as trying to sleep in the daytime when it is so hot must be hard. But there are things he can do, which other night workers do

black out blinds
earplugs
a fan
white noise

You are making reasonable, normal domestic noise OP, wherever he lives he will have the same issues, (and in all likelihood even worse! ) so it really is up to him to find out what works for him.

I would just carry on in a considerate way (I certainly wouldn't mention to him that I would not be tip toeing around anymore - he can work that out for himself) and say a breezy hi when you see him. If he complains, just say "we do try to keep the noise down but it's difficult with children and household tasks. We do our best but we have to live too" and then move on. Just keep being consistently cheerful whilst going about your business in as considerate way. Maybe if he persists, suggest he tries ear plugs?

Why do you feel you owe this man anything? Why are you not reminding him he kept you up all night and that your noise is within normal daytime hours. The man is an arsehole.

"he’d keep us up all night, he’d be talking, on the phone, bonfires, parties with music and instruments, having loud sex until 4am (when Og neighbour was away)! He’s been in and out the house at all hours and opening and shutting his back door during the night. Not that I have said anything"

Speak to the neighbour rather than the lodger. Say mildly that you do appreciate that he works nights, but you (and the rest of the neighbourhood) don't make any more than reasonable daytime noise. Also say mildly that the lodger has in the past been noisy at night and you haven't said anything because in any busy street/area there has to be a certain amount of give and take; but he seems to be expecting silence from you and it's making you feel inhibited about doing ordinary things like hoovering or being in your garden.
Also tell him the lodger is making sarcastic comments to your DP at work, which could be regarded as workplace harassment.

If the neighbour is sensible he'll talk to his lodger in a way that won't escalate it.

Get him them? WTF? I'm so sick of people running around after horrible men. No wonder some of them expect women to sort all of their problems in life. Ridiculous.

Ignore the man-child.

Pardon?

The man-child can procure his own earplugs.

🙄

He's a cheeky bastard, especially since he had no compunction keeping you all awake at night.
Just tell him to do one, although more tactfully if you prefer.
Something like "we're not a noisy family, and we're going to continue to live our lives as normal during the daytime. Perhaps invest in some earplugs".

He needs to simply use ear plugs. The world does not stop for his shifts.

I used to work nightshift and there was nothing worse than hearing people shout / loud vehicles going past / alarms going off etc etc while I was trying to sleep for work. But I put up with it because it's me choosing to work anti-social hours, and everyone else was just going about their daily business.

Your neighbour needs to suck it up, buttercup

You inform his landlord, your dh speaks to him and their line manager/hr at work, heD shouldn't be harassing your dh, what sort of workplace is it.

Completely ignore him.
Tell your partner you do not want to hear about it.
If he is shouting at you tell your neighbour you will report him for harassment.
This is your home.
This person doesn't get to dictate to you how you live.

Our neighbour works three night shifts a week. I've never had a complaint, even when I forgot it was his day to sleep and broke up a large cupboard on the lawn. The only thing he moans about is the morons cutting the churchyard for five hours with a dozen petrol strimmers, but then we all moan. Your idiot needs earplugs and keeps his windows shut.

Agree. Just carry on as you are.

We once lived next to the local newspaper printers, it was in the Med and it was hot so all windows open, we could have shaken hands with the workers we were so close. They started printing at about 2.30am, 6 days a week and we got used to it after a short time, visitors during the day in the sitting room away from our bedroom compared the noise to being on a tube station. They didn't print on Sunday morning but if they didn't print on Monday because of a Bank Holidy the silence woke us up!

You already do what you can and I wouldnt do any more and would carry on as normal

if he complains to your dh again you get him to say we are just living a normal life, you need to get headphones etc. and make a comment about how much noise he made when he wasn’t working nights

Go about your day as normal and ignore his ridiculous comments. Whilst I understand how difficult it would be to work night shifts, people who do so have to just learn to adapt by using ear plugs, white noise etc.

How does your DP answer him? He really needs to man up and tell this idiot to get real, he cannot demand that everyone in the vicinity puts their life on hold because he chose to do night shifts. He could maybe point out that noise-cancelling earplugs are a thing.

Mowing the lawn, practicing a musical instrument, or doing noisy DIY knowing the neighbour is sleeping would be inconsiderate. What you have described is normal life and you need to carry on. Your DH needs to deal with his comments at work, at work, whether that's by a conversation with the neighbour or via HR / management. (Though by the sound of it the worst outcome for you would be him losing his job and returning to a noisy home life).

He's a lodger, he has no right to tell you how to live your life, especially during normal working hours. Ignore him, hopefully he'll move out.