CONTENT WARNING - Children assaulted by neighbour

[YourJadeTraybake]

I am writing here as I have struggled to find anyone to speak to in person and feeling sick and unable to process what happened at the weekend, or where to find the right support and advice.

On Sunday our 2 young children (7) were playing at the park - the park is on a field attached to the front garden of our house, while my Husband was in the garden cutting the hedge ect - so he could see them but they were out playing with other children from the other houses that face onto the playground / field.

At one point during the day there were with an 11 year old boy, who it looked like they were playing with and he has taken them into the alley between 2 houses out of view of anyone for around 5 minutes and inappropriately assaulted them.

The police came to our house late Sunday night and took the clothes of our 2 children and asked if we could take them in to hospital for swabs ect - we didn't and they have since been interviewed by the police and we have been told that due to the boys age and circumstances this will not be prosecuted through the police but instead through social services involvement. They said there was no disagreement on either side as to whether this happened.

I can't sleep or eat and feel so sick - i'm so worried about them and how to support them to be ok longer term but finding it so hard to knowhow to get support, the police were doing there job but were focused on getting evidence/information ect, they put us in touch with a social worker that came briefly to an interview with the children and then left, and we have been told it's the other family that will need support of the social worker, but I just feel so overwhelmed with how best to support my kids going forward from this.

My husband is feeling so guilty too as he was around, and I feel a massive sense of guilt thinking things like should I have notices this child was strange, I could have taken them out with me and my elder daughter that day.

This isn't something I want to talk about with people who know my kids for their own privacy, I don't want anyone to look at the differently or treat them differently - but I feel so isolated and hoping there are some support services people can suggest. This family lives 6 doors down from us and the child will still be able to come and go to the park and playing with other kids ect as far as we are aware. I feel totally broken and scared for their future but trying to hold it together for everyone in real life.

Yep - respectfully- my point above still stands though

Sounds like it would have made no difference. The 11yo has admitted it which is surely the best evidence? And even with that they’re not being prosecuted.

I can understand parents worrying that medical swabs could be just as traumatic to a 7yo as actually being assaulted and not wanting to put them through that.

And she’s now failed to come back to the thread that she started for support and advice. So well done.

They possibly knew the 11yo had admitted it. So would have thought it wouldn’t be as vital.

how do you think blaming parents is helping them

Well why are you asking? The OP hasn’t asked for opinions on whether to take her DCB for swabs or not. Do you think she really wants to get into a discussion about why she didn’t? I suspect not. I agree she’s probably being scared off her own thread where she could have got support.

How are you being constructive here? What’s the point of pushing this point. Someone came for support and advice and you’re just being pretty harsh and judgemental to the point that’s it’s not useful.

Aggressively posting about it multiple times isn’t “wondering why”. Kindly have some manners and empathy next time.

I didn't take them for swabs for a few reasons;

My main concern is that I am fairly sure that would have made this so much worse for them, it was gone midnight and 2 uniformed police officers were at our house.

This isn't the reason for them making the decision to pass to social services and I would make the same decision again now, my biggest concern was if my children were ok and to minimise the impact on them.

hopefully the police explained that it isn’t “instructions” to have a medical examination.
the victim still needs to consent to this and as the victims are children, it is down to parents.
depending on what occurred, I don’t think I would put my children through it unless it was the only way to obtain the evidence.

I really don’t think it’s helpful for the OP to criticise her actions and decisions.
“ walk a mile in my shoes”

OP please feel free to DM if you need anything

Since my first post I have had a call from a lady working for Social services asking if I would like her to come over and have a discussion with the children and us, I spoke to her for over an hour and was very upset on the phone expressing my worries and frustrations, she has given me details of a child counselling service which have experience in this area and she is going to come over on Friday evening, I am glad someone is coming that we might be able to speak to on the best way to help the kids going forward, she also gave me details of a local counselling service which specialises in this area.

We are speeding up plans to redecorate and sell our house and keeping the kids busy - I need to go into work tomorrow and the kids will have to go to the camp which I am dreading.

Thank you so much - I really hope for this

Absolutely. A child rapist/sexual assaulter will turn into an adult rapist.

I would not let this drop.

Hi OP, what a horrible situation.
Last year we had a situation where our children were subject to inappropriate behaviour in our own home, so I have some understanding of all the emotions you’re going through. I also have twins.
I know it’s a few weeks of holidays left but I would say I think you should let the children’s school know. There’s a chance one of your children will say something to a friend or a teacher and you want staff to be prepared to respond to this well. The team at school will be experienced at supporting children post trauma. I actually found my conversation with the school DSL the most supportive of all the people I spoke to at the time.
Sending you and your children huge love.