CONTENT WARNING - Children assaulted by neighbour

[YourJadeTraybake]

I am writing here as I have struggled to find anyone to speak to in person and feeling sick and unable to process what happened at the weekend, or where to find the right support and advice.

On Sunday our 2 young children (7) were playing at the park - the park is on a field attached to the front garden of our house, while my Husband was in the garden cutting the hedge ect - so he could see them but they were out playing with other children from the other houses that face onto the playground / field.

At one point during the day there were with an 11 year old boy, who it looked like they were playing with and he has taken them into the alley between 2 houses out of view of anyone for around 5 minutes and inappropriately assaulted them.

The police came to our house late Sunday night and took the clothes of our 2 children and asked if we could take them in to hospital for swabs ect - we didn't and they have since been interviewed by the police and we have been told that due to the boys age and circumstances this will not be prosecuted through the police but instead through social services involvement. They said there was no disagreement on either side as to whether this happened.

I can't sleep or eat and feel so sick - i'm so worried about them and how to support them to be ok longer term but finding it so hard to knowhow to get support, the police were doing there job but were focused on getting evidence/information ect, they put us in touch with a social worker that came briefly to an interview with the children and then left, and we have been told it's the other family that will need support of the social worker, but I just feel so overwhelmed with how best to support my kids going forward from this.

My husband is feeling so guilty too as he was around, and I feel a massive sense of guilt thinking things like should I have notices this child was strange, I could have taken them out with me and my elder daughter that day.

This isn't something I want to talk about with people who know my kids for their own privacy, I don't want anyone to look at the differently or treat them differently - but I feel so isolated and hoping there are some support services people can suggest. This family lives 6 doors down from us and the child will still be able to come and go to the park and playing with other kids ect as far as we are aware. I feel totally broken and scared for their future but trying to hold it together for everyone in real life.

I would call the NSPCC - they will probably be able to advise and support you. It sounds like it would be good for you to talk this through with someone and hopefully direct you to appropriate support for your children.

If this was a sexual assault, look up your local ISVA (Independent Sexual Violence Advocate) organisation - the police should have pointed you in their direction, but some forces/officers aren't as knowledgeable as others. They should have dedicated children's workers (CHISVAs). If they cannot help, they should know who can.

If you google your local SARC they will have crisis counselling and they should be able to refer you to an appropriate service.

I am so sorry for you all.
Given the age of your children play therapy would probably be a good choice if there is something suitable local to you - I think Social Services should be signposting this for you.

Oh OP....I'm so sorry for everything you are all going through 🫂

@purpleme12
Do you mean my post with the link to the 11 year old rapist?
It shows that police do take action even with children as young as 11.
I cannot fathom how 48 hours after the op's 7 year olds were assaulted the police have decided to do nothing.

Ok fair enough it shows that

I just didn't think it was a very helpful thing to link to really considering what OP is probably already going through

They decided not to take it any further in just a few days? That's hardly any time to gather evidence etc.

I'd be pushing for that to happen and wanting it actually spelling out to me like I'm 5 why they've reached this decision in just a few days considering the legal age of 10 is there for a reason.

I'd also be knocking on neighbours doors if they have children and warning them so it is less likely to happen again.

I'm sorry for what must be an extremely shocking and upsetting situation in your family.

While I understand everyone's calls for therapists etc, do note that there is plenty of research to suggest that whether or not there are long term impacts to this sort of thing often relates to the amount of negativity about it in environment. Ie where sexual abuse is the norm (certain other cultures, let's leave it at that) it appears that those actions often have almost no long term impact on the children. And conversely, in cultures like ours where it is heavily stigmatised and associated with shame, the longer term outcomes are more varied and negative. That is to say, there is a certain risk to making a huge deal out of it forcing the children to go into therapy etc. While of course they need support, they need to be told the boy won't do it again, and they need to feel safe, it may be that unless they actively seem distressed by it then the best course of action is to simply accept what has happened, don't make a big deal of it and then move on with life. Easier said than done for you, I'm sure, but worth thinking about.

Sorry again and best wishes.

There will almost definitely have been a strategy discussion relating to all 3 children.

I would guess (based on professional knowledge) that your children will be opened to Children’s Services for a short time and this will be geared towards signposting for support.

Police will have been in the strategy discussion and the outcome for the offending child would likely (but not definitely) be opened to Children’s Services under a s47 enquiry which relates to risk of significant harm. Before you get understandably upset that he is deemed more at risk than your children. It is because of the sexualised behaviour and offending he has displayed. S47 does not require consent from parents for Children’s Services involvement.

If this were my area, the offending child would be referred on to a specialist harmful sexual behaviour unit that can work with the child and the family and address the behaviour and understand the origin.

Again, if this were my area, unless this was a repeat offence, the police would likely leave this with Children’s Services to do this intensive work rather than criminalise him on this occasion.

I cannot say for definite that this is what has occurred but I am sure there would have been a strategy discussion.

You should have been given a crime reference number by police, if you have questions or complaints, call 101 with the crime number and ask to speak to the officer in the case.

Op shouldn’t have to go into details about that, you don’t know who’s reading this thread.

Have you had contact from victim support?
If not contact whoever is dealing with the case and ask for an urgent referral.
You can access the code of practice for victims of crime online. There’s a separate code for victims under the age of 18.

I am assuming that there has been a miscommunication as the investigation wouldn’t be complete after three days and one visit to your children.

I’ve reported your comment as it’s completely inappropriate.

Surely the police must be able to inform you of strategies to use with this 11yr old living so close by? There’s still another month of summer hols after all?
How are any children who live close by supposed to know they need to be protected.

I relunctantly, have to agree with this. I think it also depends on how "invasive" the assault was.
I'm so sorry op, how distressing for you all x

I have extensive experience in this field and am surprised that they have made this decision so quickly.
contact the police and confirm that the child protection unit have investigated this. You should have been referred to the SARC and they should have a children’s clinic. You have rights under the Victims Code in England and Wales that must be adhered to, if this is where you live.

saying that, PP have also outlined that if an assessment has been done on sexual behaviour then intensive work with the child and family is the appropriate outcome. This should be classified for police reporting purposes than another agency is dealing with it. Or if he had admitted it, he may have received a conditional caution to ensure he completed the necessary rehabilitative work.
this ensures it is on his record (although it will be)
his DSL at school should be made aware of this to ensure he is observed at school.

if the waiting list is long for therapy for your children, I woudl pay privately if you can afford it.
please also consider having some counselling yourself - parents very often need to explore the blame and guilt they feel. This is totally understandable but the offender should be blamed rather than yourself .

take care

I have extensive experience in this field and am surprised that they have made this decision so quickly.
contact the police and confirm that the child protection unit have investigated this. You should have been referred to the SARC and they should have a children’s clinic. You have rights under the Victims Code in England and Wales that must be adhered to, if this is where you live.

saying that, PP have also outlined that if an assessment has been done on sexual behaviour then intensive work with the child and family is the appropriate outcome. This should be classified for police reporting purposes than another agency is dealing with it. Or if he had admitted it, he may have received a conditional caution to ensure he completed the necessary rehabilitative work.
this ensures it is on his record (although it will be)
his DSL at school should be made aware of this to ensure he is observed at school.

if the waiting list is long for therapy for your children, I woudl pay privately if you can afford it.
please also consider having some counselling yourself - parents very often need to explore the blame and guilt they feel. This is totally understandable but the offender should be blamed rather than yourself .

take care

If you do want to alert other parents I would be mindful of naming the other child in case YOU end up in trouble yourself, not saying you should but you could end up in hot water yourselves sadly.

You can speak to social services and ask how they are managing risk moving forward ie are there any restrictions on the boy, is he allowed to the park unsupervised etc

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I would have allowed my children out in those circumstances, these things only take a minute to happen so please don't beat yourselves up - you've done nothing wrong.

True. But in that case I’d want to know what measures/protection are being put in place if this kid lives locally.

Yes speak to your MP and urgently . It’ll be logged through email so they’ll have to respond and this is extremely serious. So sorry - my heart goes out to you

and asked if we could take them in to hospital for swabs ect - we didn't

why? The police explicitly advised you. You ignored them. Why?

And once the MP finds out more details… he will ask why the Op ignored the police’d instructions to go to the hospital for swabs

Yes that’s fair - but after the trauma of sexual assault a lot of victims don’t do this. Doesn’t make the need for real support any less