Hateful BiL

[Mamaceita]

Had a family gathering at the weekend and my shit of a BiL said my hair made me look like a lesbian. Before I could stop my self, I said well at least I can wear a hat, you can't cover your shitty personality. He then called me a twat, and I said Thank you, I thought I had lost my knack.

Was I wrong? My DH doesn't really stick up for me to his older brother. The brother punishes him by not talking to him and is jealous of him

Bump

Respectfully, is this a family you really want to have married into?

Just ignore him OP. Why would you even dignify his stupid comment, by saying that you could wear a hat, to cover up your hair, that he had just insulted? Did no one else say anything to him?

Sounds like two kids squabbling in a playground.

His comment would've elicited no more than a dignified eye-roll from me.

And also, you were perpetuating the idea that resembling a lesbian woman is an insult.

This is my initial thought too.

The BIL sounds like a dick, but OP you also don’t look great with your implication that being a lesbian is a bad thing. You both come across a pretty homophobic.

He is a rude idiot, who dislikes women by the sound of it.
I’m sure if you’d have had more than a split second to respond you would have called out the homophobia too, I’d be expecting back up from my husband if his brother called me a twat.

My friend's big brother is like this. Be reassured that there is a good chance he has a smaller knob than your DH. Crude, but I bet true. Feel sorry for his wife and encourage her to leave at every opportunity

What's wrong with looking like a lesbian? Should've said 'thank you, you too 😊'

Why does your husband want this man to keep talking to him and fight with his wife? That's weird.

He doesn't want to talk to your dh? I'd consider that a plus. Good riddance to bad rubbish, don't give it another thought.

Can you avoid spending any time with him?
I wouldn't hang out with a homophobe.

Based on the context, it sounds like it was (1) not intended as a compliment and (2) based on homophobic stereotypes and (3) an irrelevant and illogical observation. So even if your response wasn't ideal, I think your BIL should be prepared to deal with harsh responses when he's making weird, inappropriate comments. Did someone suggest that you were wrong to respond the way you did?

Sorry but I think the original poster gave as good as she got! Respect to her!

Because she was insulted at being told she looks like a lesbian?

Bit homophobic don't you think?

I wasn't homophobic - I just didn't want to stand there argue Yes/No in that minute! He's too thick to have a discussion. All I said was I could wear a hat...ect ect. that is not being homophobic OK? Ive had years of snide and the heat got to me.

Who said I was insulted? I'd be a fucking gorgeous lesbian I'll have you know!! 😂

Believe me, thats not the worst of his qualities!!!

Stop having a pop at me then! As clearly you too are homophobic, as you wouldn't even call him out on it either? HTH

Stop seeing him? You clearly despise each other.

You did by your retort.

If you weren’t insulted you would have just said “Ahh ok” or “And what does a lesbian look like then?”

Excellent retort. Well done. He sounds like a dickhead.

Only mumsnet could turn this around so you were in the wrong. 😜

That's not dignified though. I have far more respect for women who stand up for themselves and call out these morons. Just rolling your eyes tells people that you're prepared to take their bullying behaviour.

Being told you look like a lesbian is NOT an insult.

Or at least it isn't to most people.

A puzzled look would've been better than showing she was insulted by the comment.

But OP wasn't insulted, she said so. I'm very confused as to why you're ignoring the BIL's behaviour. She was just sick of his snide comments over the years. Advising a passive aggressive eye roll was wrong, just accept it. It's better to confront the behaviour.

The insult was a bloke just commenting on a woman’s hair…whatever her choice of lifestyle!