If you recognise me, please don't say anything.
My husband was unexpectedly admitted to hospital 7 months ago and is still there. I dont know when he'll be coming home.
He is not the same person now and never will be. He doesn't like who he is now either but it is what it is.
I think I'm going to have to take on some caring duties. I don't know what yet. He is going to need support, maybe a little, maybe a lot, maybe short term, maybe long term. It will be a lot to begin with. I dont want to be his long term carer.
And our lives are never going to be the same. The list of things he can't (won't?) do is going to be huge.
Our 16yr old is missing him but is dealing with that by pretending he doesn't exist. She simply will not even entertain discussing him.
I dont think I want him home. 😪 I have gotten use to him not being here and I dont think I want a relationship with this new person and these new rules.
He has decided that he might pop round today on a day out from the hospital. This is his house but it feels like he's invading. It made me want to ask for his key. He'll probably go for a lie down which should be fine but I'm almost repulsed by the idea of him lying on the bedding I changed yesterday. I know I'll want to change it again tonight.
I am sat here looking at his normal spot on the sofa and all I can think of is all those minor annoyances everyone has. I just cant imagine laughing or watching TV together anymore.
We've not been great for a while. We were mostly OK and it could have been fixed but him being away his has just put a huge spotlight on everything I wasn't happy about.
I have also realised I don't need him. Which is healthy, don't get me wrong. I was too dependent on him before and this has forced me to stop being that way, which is good. But equally that will change our relationship dynamic when he comes home. I honestly don't know if he'll be releived or displaced that I can do and actually do what I always asked him to do. I think a bit of both.
I have all sorts of unresolved anger issues and resentment towards him (mostly unfair probably) but I just dont have the mental energy to deal with those right now so they are packed up to deal with at some point in the future.
I'm not willing to say that we're done before I give him/us a chance. But I feel like my head has already decided that.
I just dont know what to do.