Different inheritance for each child

[FredaMountfitchet]

What’s your thoughts on leaving different inheritance to your children?
Scenario 2 sisters one being left the family home value circa £180000 other sister being left ‘some cash ‘ may be £80000 may be nothing if all used up by the time the parent deceased .

Terrible idea.

I don't think it's fair but what's the rationale for it?

Really unfair. House might go up/down in value as well. Unless other sister has been given significant sums in the past or something I’d think this really unfair.

I guess it would depend why.

in my family there is one sibling being left 40% and the other sibling 30% (remainder to grandchildren) because the other sibling has had more financial help now and over many years than the 40% one.

Utterly unfair and a real recipe for family fallout.

Is there a back story?

Unless there was a specific rationale, which had been explored in advance, I would disagree.
It might make sense where one daughter still lived in the house and had done most of the caring, for example. Or if one daughter had won the lottery and jetted off to an island in the sun.

I think fairness is subjective and everyone's got to make their own decision. A lot of people will say only an even split is fair but I don't agree.

It might also depend on your relationship with the kids and on their relationship with one another, as sadly this sort of issue can tear families apart and leave a legacy of resentment. Sometimes sadly money is taken as a proxy for love and only you can know whether this will be the case with your children.

I have siblings who I think need money for security a lot more than I do and would not for a second resent it if my parents left more to them than to me.

If splitting unequally, it would be ideal to let the children know this in advance and explain the reasoning to them clearly, and to make sure that whilst financial assets might be split unevenly, bequests regarding personal items are even / take equal account of individual personal considerations.

It might also be relevant to consider keeping it under review because of course life circumstances can change a lot and a child who seems set-up and secure might be in need later - eg after a divorce or accident.

Not enough details really - Only if the one getting the house/bigger share has been providing ongoing care perhaps which has meant they can’t work as normal. Or is otherwise dependant on the parent ie disabilities. Otherwise, 50/50 is the only way to be fair and not cause damage to the siblings relationship.

Does the child inheriting the house already live there? I could understand not wanting your child to be homeless after you die and just giving as much cash as you have to the other one in that situation.

I think it depends on the transparency and general agreement. I have had well paid job, my brother has a public service but much lower paid job. My parents giving me an inheritance would make very little difference to my life since we don't have a mortgage etc, but it would make a massive difference to my brother. I would be be absolutely fine with my parents leaving him significantly more to him than me.

Personally I'd only go unequal with both's agreement, otherwise, sadly inheritance can cause a lot of family breakdowns.

Backstory - not me but my friend . The sister being left less is deemed by the parent to ‘have done well for herself’ decent job the other less so however knowing them both . The one with less material wealth it hadn’t been through lack of opportunity - and the parent has helped them more throughout their lives mortgage deposit etc . Was funding their small business too at one point .
The sibling who is inheriting less had less hands on contact in later years with the parent / didn’t do their errands etc but this may have been due to being conscious of being the less favoured child . She also had children of her own - sibling inheriting the house is childless and lives nearer the parent .
When the tale was told to me by my friend I thought it sounded unfair - my friend is upset and is estranged from her parent and sibling.
Indeed quite a sad situation and I had never heard of such a thing .
Thanks for your thoughts .

Was your friend already estranged before this was decided or did it come afterwards?

Estranged when it became apparent that the inheritance was unequal .

Doesn’t sound at all fair on the surface of it. Is the reason that the first sister still lives in the family home and doesn’t want to sell it, but can’t afford to buy out the second sister?

This is an excellent way to ensure that the sisters resent one another and don't have a relationship after the parent dies. If that's your plan, crack on.

Depending on the circumstances, it could be fair.
What is the rationale? Give us deatails.

Is one DD disabled?
Has one DD been helped out financially already?
Is one DD the personal carer of parents?
Is one DD in business with parents?
Is one DD super wealthy and successful?
Is one DD childless?

Tell us more.

Your friend's daughter sounds very transactional then. I would be surprised if she gets anything now.

It is still a generous legacy..
Maybe parent wants house to stay in family.

You’ve never heard of families falling out over inheritance?

Both my brothers moved abroad, one did not keep in touch at all (for fifteen years) and one minimal contact (two visits in twenty years, phone call every six months, generally a birthday and Christmas card) - I moved back locally but had no caring duties. I got the house, the boys got cash / shares split, there was a significant difference. My brothers were very hurt and the reaction was anger. The emails to my solicitor were harsh to say the least. I cannot see a situation where we will ever talk again. So, let’s say it has consequences!!!

Some people would see it as a reflection of their parents' love/favourite and be deeply hurt.

I think inheritance should be split equally regardless of circumstances.

exactly.

This is exactly what it looks like.

This sort of scenario caused huge issues with a freind of mine. Failed to launch sibling inherited the house and half of any cash, remainder of cash split between two siblings and one sibling got nothing (because he had done well). Failed to lauch sibling was ever present, but didn't drive, cooked for themselves, didn't do much in the way of chores, or work, they were an outright favourite child.

They sold the house soon after the last parent died and moved away to live near friends. Always looked unfair from the outside.

This is what happened in my family. House was left to the child who still lived there, remaining cash (relatively small amount) and some jewellery divided between the other two siblings. It was still causing problems and resentment 30 years later when the child who inherited the house died. Problems that the next generation had to deal with.