Next doors child always in my house

[Kidsalwayshere]

As per my username (name changed for this), the kid is always here!!
Next door have a great granddaughter (a few grandchildren actually) but one has been coming every day since last weekend. She is being bought over by her grandmother who she is with for the week (the actual parents are not very involved).
They’ll pull up in the car, drop her off to her great grandparents, stay a bit, tell her to knock for our son and drive off saying “we’ll be back in an hour”. The purpose of the trip is for her to spend time with her great grandparents but at this point she doesn’t see them 10 mins before she’s with us.
My son likes playing with her, but I’ve had enough! It’s 6 days in a row now. Sometimes we just want to do nothing. She comes in and says “ I want a drink”. She has literally come from next door. She asks “are you going anywhere today and tomorrow.” And if we say yes, we get “why are you always out”. She asks why our car wasn’t there at certain times. I feel spied on 😂
I feel like I’m being used for child care at this point and whilst she is a kid, surely the adults are not that cheeky… are they?! They’re normally ok neighbours (the man can be moody and shouty and I knew their son from back in the day, he’s horrible, been in jail a few times, that’s another story!).

At the start of the week I was giving her dinner as well, I’ve stopped that. She gets squash and whatever snacks my son has out. Foot down last night and said she needed to go home when my son was having his tea as we were having a quiet night. I had “can I stay for tea. Can we play after tea”. I said no and walked her back.
Aaannnnd here she is again.. dropped off, her grandmother has driven off and her great grandparents have no responsibility over her.
Just needed to vent!
AIBU to say tomorrow, nope, she’s not coming in and my son isn’t playing with her, or is that shit? My son does have a busy morning tomorrow, plans with school friends, but I see that car pull up and think ffs, again!
My son did go in next door once but it’s very much an older persons house, no toys, disabled adaptions so it’s not fun for them. I can see why she wants to come here but why don’t the adults responsible organise fun things for her then?!?

To add im happy when my son has friends over, he’s got lovely little pals, and he goes over their houses as well, but 6 days in a row of “I need a drink, where have you been, where will you be tomorrow” is getting to me! Thanks for reading, if you read it all.

And the other child is perfectly healthy looking and spends a couple of hours at the neighbours house before being sent home for tea 🤔

When she came over today I was upstairs sorting washing and I heard my son shout, are you coming to my house today… I can hardly say no then.

Son, the rule is you don't ask people over without checking with me first. If you do, the answer will always be no.

Of course you can say no. It's not being a bitch, it's that you're not the local day care.

Have you had safeguarding training?

I'm not there. I don't know (and neither do you) but this read awfully like one of the scenarios they give you in safeguarding training.

Hopefully she's fine but there are risks here.

Firstly , this would be driving me insane - I know what you mean by not being able to take the old bra off - to the poster saying the expectation ect …. She is a mother herself - she’s going to give a juice if she asks for it - not going to deprive her from a basic squash.
I agree it’s taking over - we used to have a neighbour like it and eventually my mum did just have to say no. Your not wrong for saying not today

Why tell an elaborate lie? The truth is easier. "Sorry not today, maybe another day"

why do people immediately suggest lying?

They think they're being clever. They're not.

Oh fuck that!!! Not a chance, tell her that you're doing stuff so she can't be there every day. You don't have to explain yourself, no is a complete sentence, and she's a child.
Tell the grandparents that this can't continue. Maybe word it a bit different to what I said if you're bothered about offending them, but definitely nip it in the bud love or you'll be running a camp for the rest of the 6 weeks holidays

We have got plans today, stuff on with my sons friends, then a visit to my parents and then seeing another of my sons friends late afternoon.
I will (and likely my son too) be shattered, and it’s going to be a quiet evening here! No uninvited guests today’s

Talk to the adults

This is the kind of thing that my dh would allow to continue but I'd put my foot down and actually speak to the great grandparents. I would have said that they could exchange phone numbers and check whether you are going to be in and are happy for her to come over for a set amount of time. I'd be clear in the conversation that you find her coming every day too much.

I do feel sorry for the girl in that parents aren't interested, she is being raised by grandparents who are hoisting her on great grandparents who are perhaps just too old or tired to manage her.

@Crumpled86 I feel sorry for her too, she’s a nice (cheeky) kid, my son likes her but it’s all a bit much this week.
Woken up to rain! So hopefully it’s not going to be the kind of day they’ll want to go out, and no one is coming here today after the busy day we’ll be having.
Its nice to see a bit of rain!

I think you’re being very unreasonable. It takes a village to raise a kid. You know that this kid is being very badly treated, you could make a real and tangible difference in her life. Your son likes playing with her. They could be outside a little more. You could give them rules that they swap houses with demands, so your house for a drink/snack/toilet then her great grandparents house for a drink/snack/toilet. You could manage it. You could be kind to a neglected kid.

@KitchenFaust the girl has 2 parents, 2 sets of living grandparents and great grandparents. Also an uncle. That’s her village.
It’s not a village when it’s take take take. And I have been helping.. for 6 days this week. This village is closed today!

This will soon end when the school starts. She's a child and your son is having fun. Think of the awful life she must have, it's just a few weeks for you and what may be a beautiful summer she remembers as she grows up. Life has been pretty shitty for her from what you're describing, being dumped on disabled grandparents and having a father who's been to jail. Why not make a child's life a little bit better. She's not being taken on any holiday, her mother isn't out there organising func activities for her, you and your son are her only joy this summer. Keep showing kindness, it will be remembered and she is grateful even if it doesn't seem like she is in the moment.

She’s off to Greece with her grandparents in a week. I said above somewhere she’s on holiday for a week.
I don’t think it’s total neglect, I know they feed her, they clothe her. They take her on holiday every year, but they seek to outsource child care to others all the time! Now it’s me… 🥴

No it isn't neglect, just sheer laziness in having to entertain a child.

@Kidsalwayshere
You're being taken total advantage of and she's become to expect it as a given
Tell them you don't want to be unpaid care to a child who also expects to be fed??
The fact that the grandparents dump her on the great grandparents
Shows not a lot of love does it?
And yes I'm afraid to say that some people are extractors of the finest quality urine that there is
Tell next door she cannot come over anymore
She was left at theirs so should stay there
Also, I know you're a very careful /gracious person
But that girl sounds/seems somewhat 'foward'
And if she took you for granted
And things didn't go her way when under your roof
She may start bleating to her slightly unsavoury family I'm sure
And you'd be totally backfooted
And could be accused of God knows what

You need to speak to the grandparents set boundaries and times they have to deal with her asking to come over there their problem it happened to me too you have to nip it in the bud but with the adults it’s not the kids fault .

It's a shame for the girl that she's always being parked with her great-grandparents who don't seem to do much with her (or perhaps just aren't up to caring for a young child any more). But it's fair to set boundaries. Take control and say when she can come over. At other times - sorry, no.

Park your car a few streets away then do not answer the door.

that's just another way of lying. Why do it?

Needs must in some situations, its either that or tell the child not to come around again, which will no doubt hurt her feelings, at least thus way no one gets hurt.

I have worried about this, the last part you wrote.
We were out most of yesterday and she did show up but left quickly, and then last night showed up again and left quickly again so had a quiet day (well, a very busy day, but didn’t have guests!)

1 you speak to the grandparents,
2 What is wrong with telling a child "not today" or "not this week" ?

and how long do you carry on hiding for?