Unauthorised school trip

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Name changed for this as may be very outing. Penis beaker, Scottish mummy, Korean granny etc

Bit long, sorry.

14yo brought letter home and was really enthusiastic for a school trip to a theme park.so I booked and paid, bit expensive but I don't want them to miss out.

3 days before they started saying they didn't want to go, basically because they wanted to see a special showing of musical the other end of the country and tickets had come up on twickets. I said no to their new plan, it would have cost a fortune anyway for hotel and travel.

14yo still complaining 2 days before trip. Night before trip they came home from school and proper kicked off about how they hated theme parks, weren't going, had nothing to wear (humourless lol at that) and had said all along they didn't want to go (double humourless lol), why was I so stupid to pay for it and so on.

It was turned 4pm and the reception staff had finished so sent a panicked email to the organiser to say 14yo had refused to go slightly glossing reason, not knowing if it was too late and teachers would be wondering where they were at silly o'clock the next morning. Luckily the organiser picked it up.

9-10pm ish, it must have sunk in that expensive theatre trip wasn't happening and rude, spoilt 14yo had another kick off demanding to go. Too late, nothing I could do, you can't mess people around like that anyway. 14yo threatened to just turn up but I explained the teachers couldn't take them because they were no longer on the list which didn't go.down well but tough.

Next morning I got them up and out to school for the normal day despite strenuous attempts at refusal. 14yo has to learn that choices have consequences, this would be a very mild consequence. The theme park trip had long gone by this point.

So - expected 14yo to be safe in school all day.

14yo got home from school and it turned out they'd been offered a place on an alternative extra-curricular, not linked to schoolwork, smaller off-site trip and they said yes... I knew nothing about it, hadn't paid and obviously wouldn't have authorised it anyway.

This really is long!

Massive safeguarding issue, if anything had happened 14yo wouldn't have been covered by insurance. Contacted school immediately. Teacher had felt sorry for the little so-and-so left behind and asked them. I am not happy in the slightest and made that clear. Also had to pay for this bloody trip after wasting theme park money, that's by-the-by because it should have been used but I didn't want a further bill.

I get the impression the school wants to sweep the safeguarding aspect under the carpet as all communication from them has very carefully skirted around this issue. WIBU to follow this up in no uncertain terms after the holidays? I get that the teacher felt like they were being kind and don't necessarily want them punished for being nice but I'm really not happy. Anything could have happened but luckily didn't and they should have at least asked for permission before taking 14yo off site for an extra-curricular.

What was the alternative trip.

Your child is a brat.

I don't think they can reasonably expect you to pay for something you had no idea was happening.

I don't think it would be an insurance problem - your permission wouldn't impact the school's insurance contract or the public liability insurance of any third party

Whether they are insured or not is their problem not yours. It's there was an accident they could still be found liable - insurance is irrelevant. For a school, they'd have to find the money to pay, even if that means the local authority bailing them out.

Not your problem.

I don't see the safeguarding issue either.

I think it's very undermining, but that's the only bit I could get worked up about. Your son should pay for both trips.

School was trying to do a nice thing at the end of term, it got a bit misconstrued and didn’t quite work out. But nothing happened, I’d just let it go. (13 & 15yo here, I feel your pain)

Perhaps the alternative trip was for all the children who were not going on the other one, in which case they couldn't very well have just left him behind.

Indeed. A random 14 year old when all the other children are on school trips is a PITA for the school to supervise

I think you are deflecting here OP from the bigger issue which is your PITA son who is walking all over you!

Yeah no way would I have cancelled their place on the paid for trip. Tough shit if he doesn’t want to go anymore.

I also don’t understand the safeguarding issue? He was with DBS and familiar staff. What risk was he exposed to that you hadn’t consented to? Unless there was some sort of wavier involved that went unsigned?

If everyone else was on a trio, what were they meant to do with your child? You clearly have very little clue how many staff trips require…

Also, this is on you and your child who clearly needs some boundaries around behaviour put into place pronto, not the school who were trying to do a nice end of term thing for the youngsters and who undoubtedly would have had all the correct authorities and insurances…

Nothing actually happened though, so forget about kicking up a stink at school. That just makes you look silly especially when it emerges why your son missed the original trip. The teacher was obviously trying to be kind.

You need to work out how to deal with a petulant 14yr old.

Are they really still at school in the UK? Poor kids!
DS has been on summer break since 3rd week in May here.

Thanks for all replies, inc and possibly especially the ones saying I need a grip.

Yes the 14yo is a little madam and has been told she should have declined. I cancelled so as not to mess the school round and I'm not inclined to fork out for any more school trips. The alternative was for a different year group I think. The theme park was quite expensive so I'd guess a number of kids were staying behind because there were a lot of school-based activities going on for them. For some reason they felt sorry for my not-so-DD and like I said I don't want the kindness kicked out of the teacher but they should check. The 2nd trip was £10 which I really could have done without having to pay tbh.

Such a long OP and I'm still dripfeeding lol.

You don't need to pay for the alternative trip.

Your kid is at fault and a massive pain in the arse

You are focusing on the wrong villain here.
Your child’s life should not be worth living for the next week or so after such dreadful behaviour

I would be insisting dad pay for both trips. And to learn lessons from this experience.
I think you are correct re the school. They shouldn’t take kids offsite on unauthorised trips. But that’s a lesser issue (as thankfully no disaster happened) compared to your dds behaviour.

Are you sure you have not signed a blanket consent for off site trips. Presumably the one they went on was more local. The teacher should have checked but the main issue is with your dc thinking they can just cop and change with no consequence.

You signed for theme park?

I honestly can’t even believe you are giving this any headspace given the actual problems you have. You are playing the fiddle while Rome burns.

If something had happened and the schools insurance was invalidated, so be it. That wouldn’t be your fault.

Maybe you could have a meeting with the school and you can tell them all of the things that they are doing wrong and then they can tell you all of the things you are doing wrong.

You don’t need to pay it though. The school can ask, you don’t have to agree.

Have you accepted that the school did nothing wrong either regards to safeguarding and permission yet?

What disaster is likely to happen on a school trip??

Sorry but… is your 14 year old a bit dim? They came home the night before and started banging on about wanting to skip the theme park trip because they wanted to go to a theatre show and they didn’t actually have tickets for the theatre show? What did they think would happen? That they would skip the school trip, and go to the theatre when no tickets had been bought and no travel sorted out for it? That’s just stupid. Did you even ask at 4pm if they actually wanted to cancel their theme park trip even though they would not be going to the show they wanted instead?

It all just sounds very high drama and stupid, and they don’t sound at all smart.

Why are you paying for the 2nd trip when you didn’t authorise it? I wouldn’t be paying it, I would point out to the school I gave no permission for the trip or the cost.

There's no way I'd have cancelled the theme park- It was paid for so I'd have been getting dc out of bed to go.
The generic permission slip would have covered the trip she did go on, by the sounds of it. Most schools have these.
Why did dc not send you a WhatsApp to keep you updated?
I don't think school are the ones who should be feeling your wrath to be honest.

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