DH's cousin's wife is getting on my nerves, trying to line up shifts for me at her charity shop when I retire, and trying to get me to join her walking group! AIBU to ask you fine people how the heck I can deal with her?!!!

[GoldAndSilverBells]

This is doing my head in, and I just wondered how to handle it.

I am due to retire soon. May possibly be early next year. (Luckily, I am retiring a few years earlier than I thought I would be able to - at 60.)

DH's cousin's wife, works for a charity shop, and is the Deputy Manager, and all she has banged on about, since DH decided to mention (about 3 months ago,) that I may be retiring soon is how wonderful it is that they'll have an extra pair of hands in the charity shop, and has told me to let her know when I retire, so she can pop me on the rota!

I mean, WTF? I have worked since I was 16, so about 43 years, with no break, other than 2 maternity leaves of 4 months each (and they're not holidays,) and she has me lined up for work in her shop. 'I'm sure we can squeeze a couple of 8 hour shifts a week out of you!' she said smugly the other day.

She is also trying to get me to join her 'walking group.' She lives 7 miles away, and it's her village walking group, so I would have to drive there every time (it's twice a week.) I love walking but HATE doing it in groups. Prefer to do it alone. Sometimes with DH, or my DC, occasionally a friend, but NOT in a big group. There's 25 or so of them, and I like to walk at my own pace, and on my own chosen routes.

I could honestly cuss DH for telling her. Me retiring is none of her business! It's OK for her, up to 2 years ago (she's aged 56 now,) she has always been a homemaker/stay at home mum, (and has had no children at home for the past 12 years and was still a homemaker for another 10 years before getting this charity shop job..) There's nothing wrong with being a homemaker if it suits both of you in the couple.... But basically she has never had to work... I am looking forward to a chance to just do ....... nothing, as I have worked nearly 43 years!

Well, maybe sit in the garden reading, going for walks, (not in big groups!) and looking around the shops, and going to the woodlands, doing some gardening, writing poetry, and just doing what I want to, after 43 years of work. OK, the last 28 have been part time - 20 to 22 hours a week, but I was raising a family as well as working part time, (our DC left around 6-7 years ago,) and I am looking forward to the total freedom, and not having to do anything, unless I want to, and I don't want DH's bossy cousin's wife arranging my life for me. (DH is planning on retiring about 2 years after me......)

So far, I have just been like 'err, ha ha, errrm, well...' and she's moved on to the next subject (we see her maybe once every 3-4 weeks.) DH said I just need to tell her NO, but how can I word it without sounding horrible? She is really bossy, and I am quite placid and quiet.. Upshot is I am not working in the charity shop because I don't want to, OR joining the 'walking group!' I hate big group gatherings, and am a free spirit, and always get lost in these groups and ignored, because I'm fairly quiet.

HELP! How can I deal with this? I'm so annoyed that I have to!!!

For some people, 'nice' equates to 'people-pleasing doormat' and no, women don't have to be like that.

Well, given being 'nice', as in pleasant and polite, isn't remotely the same as being a people pleasing doormat, they maybe need to work on understanding that, so they don't throw the baby out with the bathwater and make other women the victims of their 'assertiveness'.
Again, general point, not aimed at OP. More this trend of egging women on to be as rude as possible to each other, as though its some sort of empowerment.

I often agree with your posts, but with women like this niceness is wasted.
IMO what's required is firmness with zero equivocation.
This women could care less about the OP, she is rude and bossy and has a 2 day slot to fill, so thinks she can fill it with OP and throw in a walk too🙄.

60% of her free time being commandeered by a self serving busybody.

Her own husband said as much and is afraid of being quoted on it.
Women like this are profoundly disrespectful of others agency and a pain in the arse to be around.
They are the type others call ghastly and hard swerve when they see them.

OP has been extremely polite in the circumstances.
Someone cranky like me would have snapped far sooner.

I took care to say in both my earlier post and the one you've quoted that this is NOT aimed at this OP.
It's been a while since this conversation was live so I can't recall the exact lead up, but it was tangential. It was a general point about the way 'women don't have to be nice' has drifted from a laudable comment about speaking truth to power, to its empowering to be rude to other women.

I meant it generally too.
I reserve my nicesness for those that deserve it.
Pushy people who can't accept no are definitely not in that bracket.

I'm glad it's all sorted.

And this can be a lesson to others as well how quickly things can be shut down by speaking up instead of "avoiding confrontation" and then stewing inside with resentment and frustration.

Good grief!! She really doesnt understand ‘no’ does she?! No need to be polite anymore OP - she has the hide of a rhino!