Would you attend a hen do with a couple of weeks' notice?

[Sishirunak40]

The wedding is on a Wednesday in August so using a couple of days annual leave. It's a few hours' drive from us, I don't think they have any links to the area or know anyone there, they just fancied having it there but fair enough I suppose.
Been invited to the hen do, whilst I appreciate the invite I've been given 12 days' notice of it and it's going to cost a few hundred pounds if I do everything. Even if I just went for the day it'd cost me over £150.
I don't have that sort of money available right before payday too. These sort of things are usually planned months in advance. I feel uncomfortable saying I can't afford it, I know people will say 'just don't go' but I feel like that doesn't wash well with everyone sadly, there is definitely a pressure to attend these events.
I'm going to say I have a pre-planned event that day, not strictly true. I could 'technically' put it on my credit card but I don't think that's sensible. I also don't want to share a hotel room with someone I've just met that day, I'm 37 and can't be doing with all that!
Aibu here? I'm sick of how grabby these events are, we're already paying a lot just to attend the wedding.

These people are not your friends. No I wouldn’t go. Make up an excuse. This late in the day, you probably were a backup

I was definitely not a back up. I don't know how many times I need to specify it, if I was I would say. I found out when everyone else did.

Have they even managed to secure overnight accommodation for a hen party at only 12 days notice? How many are going?

I looked at the accommodation link that was sent and it still has spaces. I'm not paying a fortune to have to share a bed with a woman I've met that day, even if they're a perfectly nice person.

Exactly. With such short notice it’s pretty reasonable to already be busy surely.

It is odd it's such short notice. Are you sure you're not a last minute invite? Either way it's perfectly acceptable to say "Sounds lovely but I already have plans. Have a great time! See you at the wedding"

I'd expect a few people can't make it at such short notice.

Just say as it’s short notice you can’t get time off.

It's a pain alright, sometimes these things we don't want to go to end up being a good laugh but if you can't afford it then just reply that you've checked your calendar and you have a hospital/doctor appointment that you've been waiting ages on and don't want to cancel it as you could be waiting ages for another. Sometimes I do feel people think we're all sitting around waiting with nothing to do and loads of money.

"Sorry, it's a little late notice for me. Can't wait to meet everyone at the wedding"
You will not be the only one.

I totally get what you mean, OP. It’s not so much the saying no and making your excuses, it’s the expectation and pressure around these grabby events and that people get pissed off if you say no.

There’s a certain level of entitlement, especially around hens and weddings where people feel like everyone else should care as much as they do and should bend their lives to accommodate. It builds resentment.

I’m reading another thread at the moment with people upset about not having friends as adults. I choose not to, partly so I don’t need to worry about being invited to these things 😂.

The only thing for discussion is what to include when you decline.

I don’t think financial reasons should be used.

If someone can’t plan ahead, sympathy for their husband or wife.

Well, no one has you at gunpoint. If you think you’re doing someone a favour by going to their wedding, and are reserving it, RSVP no. You clearly feel you’re a last-minute hen invitee, so refuse that too. Anything rather than doing it while seething.

Big fat no from me.

I'd probably say "Whilst I'd love to come but it's going to have to be a no. The short notice means I can't make it work in terms of annual leave/finances but thank you for the invite I hope you have a good time"

It is that simple though isn’t it? If you have been given no prior warning that this event is taking place on whatever day and costing whatever amount then it is to be expected that some people won’t be able to attend,
either due to costs, prior arrangements or finances. It’s up to you, if you want to go and can afford it then go. If you have a genuine reason for refusal that is your answer, and if you just don’t fancy it then make something up.

You don't have to say why you can't go. Don't mention that you can't afford it. Not their business.

Just say, thanks for the invitation but unfortunately I have other plans that weekend so can't make it. Keep it simple and don't leave room for them to negotiate.

I'd say given the short notice, someone has pulled out last minute and they're looking to recoup costs from a late attendee.

I don't really know how to vote.

Obviously YANBU to say "Sorry, I can't make it. Hope you have fun. REally looking forward to the wedding"

But YABU to say a group of women inviting you to a social event is "grabby". that's just odd. You are being invited to something which you can accept or decline. No-one is 'grabbing' or even asking you to give them anything. You are invited to attend, and if you want to, this is the cost.

Stop overthinking it and wasting headspace. Do as others have suggested “ thanks for the invite but really sorry I already have plans , looking forward to seeing everyone at the wedding. Hope you all have a lovely time “. Done !

You lost me at annual leave, a night out sre no issues but no idea why people have no idea how idea how to say no these days without an epic emotianal struggle just so no it is easy if you try

This sounds like everyone thought someone else was planning the hen and it got overlooked.
Less than a fortnight's notice would have me saying 'sorry no can do' as well. Just send apologies, @Sishirunak40 and enjoy the wedding when it comes around.

With two weeks notice, nobody is even going to bat an eyelid if you say you have other plans already. I could afford it, but would be highly unlikely to be free at such short notice and definitely wouldn’t share with a stranger.

But why so critical about it all ? It’s fairly standard to have a hen do (albeit usually organised with more notice) and a wedding ceremony when getting married. Others have said yes to the hen do so might actually want to go. Definitely you don’t go as it’s short notice and you can’t afford it, but it doesn’t mean the event shouldn’t exist.

Any minute now we’ll get the - in my day we had a drink in the local pub and a bag of chips to go from the chippie - brigade.

Because most people don't just have several hundred pounds to spare at short notice right before payday, with proper notice to give time to save/pay in installments might be different. Again I maybe move in the wrong circle.
Can guarantee if I'd posted on here complaining people won't come to my hen do costing almost £400 at short notice, I'd be told how grabby I am and expecting far too much.

Just say, sorry, already got plans, hope it goes well.

I don't think it's grabby, it's a social event, the cost isn't unreasonable for what it is, you can either afford it or you can't. Maybe it's a bit self-centred, the assumption that everyone can afford it and will be free to go.

@rookiemere in my day I sat in my mother's living room the evening before and we had cups of tea and someone had made Victoria sponge. My female aunties and cousins were in attendance and my bridesmaid. All very proper, all very boring.
The closest thing to risqué was being given 'the talk' about the wedding night. Right up there with Violet Bridgerton talking about puppies and the whole close your eyes and think of England and it'll be over quickly.
Thank goodness things are different these days and girls are better educated and can have a hen do!

I probably wouldn’t attend a hen do with a year’s notice. 😂 But I’d be grateful for the short notice because it seems a lot easier to get out of, especially as the wedding is also so awkwardly timed.