AIBU to feel upset about this situation?

[ThatHangryDuck]

AIBU to be upset?

My 18 yo son went on holiday, and bought my husband and daughter presents. When handing them out he said he 'forgot' me, whilst laughing. This really hurt me.

We all went on holiday a couple of days later. Throughout the holiday my Husband, Son and Daughter (16 yo) all picked at what felt like everything I said. Telling me I'm wrong, taking the mick out of what I've said, having ago at me for speaking, ignoring me. To the point that I hardly spoke on the last day, as I didn't feel comfortable to speak. My daughter would roll her eyes at me when I spoke, snap at me, and huff and puff (typical teenager stuff).

My husband and I renewed our wedding vows and not one person said I looked nice. My husband did when I asked him if I looked alright. My daughters first words to me when she saw me were - "you're a weirdo".

Since getting home my son picked on something I said, and started having a go at me. I got upset and told him and my husband how I feel about the last couple of weeks. I then had a panic attack. My daughter walked by and said "why is SHE on the floor?". I managed to calm myself and I left the house in flight mode.

Since I have came back, no one has spoken to me or asked if I'm okay. I feel like no one cares about me.

I cant help but feel that I deserve to be treated better.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated on how to handle this situation and/or 2 teenagers.

Why have you renewed your vows with someone who lets people treat you like this? And joins in?!

Was someone unfaithful in the marriage?

Your husband should be your number 1 supporter and I’m sorry but your kids sound vile! I’d go on strike and let them fend for themselves.

In no way would my kids get away with speaking to me like that, holiday or no. Anything I pay for would be rescinded quickly until they could show some respect.

There’s a difference between being grumpy with life teens and rude to your parent.

The gift I wouldn't think any more about, tbh. Normal teenage brain issue.

But it sounds like there's some real tension in your family relationships. Is your dh the df of the dc? How do they see him speak to you and treat you? It wouldn't be normal to be disrespectful to your mum in most families, and it can't have come from no where.

Equally, your reactions seem unusual. If your dc are being rude, parent them. Don't look to them to meet your emotional needs, like reassuring you about your looks, that should be your partner. You talk like you're all peers and you aren't.

Teenagers can be notoriously self involved and generally quite horrible, so I’d be more concerned that your husband doesn’t seem to have your back at all? What was the vow renewal about? Have they grown up watching him treat you with disregard and contempt, as that would certainly explain where the attitude has come from. You don’t have to accept this behaviour from anyone. If nobody is listening to you, I’d be having a good hard think about what you want.

How on earth are your kids allowed to treat you like this? Do nothing for either of them and cancel anything you pay for. They sound horrible. Your dh sounds useless. I am sorry.

It seems to me they’ve learned this from their useless father. He sounds vile.

What was the vow renewal all about?!

???

Your children obviously take after their vile father.

Why in earth did you renew your vows with someone who is so ghastly?

The gift I wouldn't think any more about, tbh. Normal teenage brain issue.

Utter bollocks.

What do you say to your teenagers when they speak to you like crap, do you just let them and go off and sulk about it? You need to be firm with them and tell them off, give consequences or something instead of just allowing it. Your DH should be telling them not to speak to you like that but considering he sounds the same you can’t rely on him to have your back so you need to stand up for yourself

Is it past the point of repair? Because you deserve better. So either they need to understand what effect they're having on you, or you need to leave. You deserve feel safe in your own home.

You know it's possible to disagree with someone without jumping into being insulting?

If you want to compare research about teen brain development I'm happy to get into that discussion, but it isn't really the point of this thread.

This is sometimes the reason for vow renewals. I'm not assuming either way, hence the question.

What I would do in my mind, but perhaps not in real life, pack a bag and go to a nice hotel for the night, have a long bath, a nice dinner, watch a boxed set have a good sleep and a nice breakfast. And hope they can't cook.

I think you need to talk to the children and tell them their behaviour is not OK and that while they live in your house they will be respectful or life will not be so pleasant for them. And get your DH on board with cracking down on the rudeness, is he oblivious to it?

vow renewal is often a sign of cheating or issues in the marriage. I think this is what the previous poster was referring to

I've had 7 teens in ly life [all my kids] and never has anyone of them spoke to me like yours has OP. A bit thoughtless sometimes but they were all respectful.
That is total bollocks to say this is normal behaviour, by the way why did you renew vows with a twat?
I would be looking at a divorce, but then I don't tolerate idiots no matter who they are, family or other.

I would change the home wi-fi password, cancel any payments you make for the kids (phone etc), pack a bag and go and stay in a hotel somewhere for a week. Turn your phone off and think about whether you actually want to live with these people.
I do think you have been a bit wet not challenging their dreadful behaviour, but as we don't know the history of all this, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say it's got worse over the years and ground you down. Time to start a new regime I think.

Is it?

What do you do at home OP? Cook, clean, wash, give lifts? Stop!
Are you the family homemaker whilst your DP works? Look for a full time job and let them fend for themselves. It will also give you the means to move out if it comes to it.
Stop complaining to the rest of the family and demanding they change, be the change you want to see in yourself. If they speak to you disrespectfully, make sure there are consequences.

If you want to compare research about teen brain development I'm happy to get into that discussion, but it isn't really the point of this thread.

I'd hazard guess that everyone on this thread has been a teenager and that the vast majority managed not to 'forget' their mothers while buying presents for other members of the family.

Executive function development is slower for some. It's also related to upbringing and experiences. The ability to mentalise others is something that's taught.

That's why I think it's less helpful to focus on who got or didn't get a gift, and more on what's gone wrong in the family dynamic. Something seems really off here.

But we can agree to differ on our opinions without being rude.

What a bloody horrible bunch, OP. I hope you’re okay.

Context matters

I wouldn't think twice if one my of sons "forgot" me. Because in this case, it would mean he was looking for something special or suitable, didn't buy the first thing he saw, and then completely forgot about it 😂

It's all about context