Am I a brokey and is my family poorer than the average Brit?

[Donnysredcard]

I think I’ve been deluded into thinking I was well off my whole life, to begin with I’m weird af so only had a handful of friends growing up who all had alcoholic/messy parents who didn’t teach them hygiene so no one else wanted to be friends with them except me. That kind of warped my view of things, the kids from normal families never invited me around so I was comparing my clean home (unemployed mum who stayed home and cleaned it) to the home of alcoholics. And in all honesty those families probably had more income than my mum because they had dads who worked. I also got free lunch at school and they didn’t even though they definitely could have done with it.

Obviously growing up we were all told to eat our dinner because other people were starving out there.

I had my children extremely young (massively pregnant at GCSEs) and then Covid hit while they were toddlers and I was always reading in the news headlines along the lines of “half of all British children don’t have a bed” “half of families rely on food banks” “X amount of children have rickets from malnutrition”. Again I thought I was doing better than a large percentage of the population.

Now my kids are in school and they are far more sociable than I was at their age and im socialising with their parents by proxy, it would seem everyone is going on foreign holidays constantly, other kids have branded clothes, not just a few branded clothes but branded everything down to their socks. Everyone seems to have a nice car while I can’t even drive. Etc

This is not an ungrateful whinge I know there are starving children all around the world I’m just wondering if anyone has had a similar revelation?
I’ve never heard anyone say they were unaware they’d been broke their whole life until they were well into their 20s.
Im a little worried about my kids feeling inferior to their friends too I guess

I genuinely do think a lot of people are living above their means - not all, obviously. But when you look at how easy it is to get a credit card or things like Klarna practically being thrown at people, it’s easy to see how people get caught up.

This is an extreme example, but I ordered a takeaway recently and noticed that one of the options was to pay in installments via Klarna and Clearpay, which is total madness to me.

I have a decent income and low(ish) outgoings, but I couldn’t afford all of those things either, unless I wanted to put them on credit, which I don’t. I do save for things, which I’m lucky to be able to do, and still have a good standard of living.

You were fed, clothed and brought up in a safe, comfortable, clean home and you are providing that for your kids. That’s the most important thing. In the branded clothing, some parents care, some don’t. Same with kids but it can be an issue as they get older, especially for boys and branded sportswear. And for a lot it’s important to fit in or not stand out. Definitely Vinted where you can get branded t-shirts/hoodies etc in good condition and at affordable prices (maybe the occasional duff thing).

Perfect ☺️

but a pack of kids nike socks are about £10 so unless you are really really poor you can buy them too

You can get a pack of socks for a quarter that price out of Asda then you extrapolate that to the rest of the wardrobe. Trousers, shirts, shoes etc it becomes expensive. Branded clothing has never personally bothered me and hopefully it won’t be a big deal for my boys.

There are lots of knock offs out there OP which look like designer stuff, but aren't. Since you seem to not get out much I feel I need to mention that!

But otherwise, comparison is the thief of joy. If you feel you're doing alright, that your kids are happy and healthy and so are you, I really wouldn't worry too much about what everyone else is doing. However rich or poor I've been in life there have always been people who are better and worse off and unless you're homeless on the street or Jeff Bezos, that's life!

I don’t understand how some people grow up thinking it’s normal to go on multiple foreign holidays a year and have your parents pay your uni fees/rent or give you a house deposit, but plenty of people do. It’s all about your frame of reference. I totally understand what you’re saying OP, I grew up working class and poor (although my parents did own their house and were into the arts, so had middle class attitudes in some ways) and was absolutely blown away when I went to uni and found out people’s parents were paying for their accommodation.

My DH grew up in a huge seven bedroom home, siblings all educated privately, piano lessons, horseriding, he maintains to this day that it was a typical working class upbringing.

Your feeling about how wealthy you are tends to be relative.

If you grow up amongst deprived families and your family is doing ok, you will feel well off. But if you later move to a different area or join a career or a hobby group where people tend to be on the wealthier side, suddenly you look like the deprived one, even though your situation hasn’t changed.

There is almost someone better or worse off. There are millions of families who would probably say you’re doing great if your kids have a bed. Then there are millions who would say you’re broke if your kids don’t have their own ensuite.

where about do you live op? I think there's a thing in some working class areas where people will spend our on (fake) labels to make their kids look "better", lots of kids at our school are label conscious abd I know they're not on large incomes. foreign holidays don't have to be really expensive and can be paid off over time. possibly on credit cards.

it's all comparison and it sounds like your young and not had the most expansive childhood.

nothing wrong with supermarket clothes. keep them well fed, clean, care about their education, do whatever free or low cost cultural stuff you can, join a library, team them about safe sex and ambition. that all matters more than the labels on their clothes.

I think it's unusual to get to 15/16 without being aware of some socio economic facts.

I can understand at primary age that thinking something like a clean house, or being able to buy Ribena or similar means you're rich but it sounds a little naive if you didn't realize that at 14. Did you not do any sort of human geography at school?

I think £10 for a pack of socks is expensive.

I understand what you mean @Donnysredcard

We grew up poor but it didn’t really register. I thought our terrace was small when I left for uni but ended up in a smaller house as an adult.
We would make food stretch. My mum was very creative. V rarely had treats excepted custard creams. And on a Saturday getting hot donuts from the stall in kwik save. No car, no holidays. 2 dolls, books from the library were my escape.

As an adult I felt well off. Or at least be able to manage. Though didn’t get broadband until dc were doing GCSEs. Even after divorce. Until the cost of living crisis and now I can’t cut any more.

Uni was probably when I noticed. I bought the cheapest toilet roll for the shared house. One of the girls I shared with was rather scathing about my choice. It’s only recently occurred to me that she was from a well off family and her experience and expectations weee v different to mine.

No we only did actual geography. Rivers, ox bow lakes, volcanos that kind of thing

I would say that branded clothing and some of the things you might associate with being more wealthy are often on credit, or actually not indicative of genuine wealth.

I grew up working class, but we had an okay house and I don't remember 'going without'. We were normal for a family in 90s/00s. I have a good job now and earn very well. But, my boys are not dressed in many branded clothes. It's just not something we feel is worthwhile spending money on. They often wear clothes from Tesco, Next and a lot from Vinted. DH and I don't have the latest greatest iPhones (cos our iPhone's from a few gens ago are still going strong) and whilst we have two cars paid in full, they aren't Range Rovers or top range cars - just decent, reliable family cars.

At uni I met people who were very very wealthy and they didn't have things I thought of as 'rich people stuff'.

OP, if it's any conciliation, people in very 'rich' areas don't give a hoot about branded socks or Nike. It would be seem as a bit naff and try hard to many people. Don't worry about this at all. You write well and you seem fine to me.

Nothing about that makes you poor. Even wealthy people succumb to teenage pregnancies!

Well, you haven’t laid out your current financial position so without knowing your income and outgoings it’s impossible to comment.
A quick google will tell you the average uk household income and you can compare to that.
I don’t know where on earth you read half of uk children didn’t have a bed or half of uk families rely on food banks - is it possible you’ve imagined or misunderstood that? It definitely isn’t true.

Median household income is a bit of an odd one. It's skewed by there being lot sof pensioners living on their own on just the state pension. So if you are a family with children at home it isn't really relevant.

The median fulltime individual income is £39,000 - actually higher than the median household income.

I was going to say the same thing. My DS is 11 and I’ve only just started buying Nike socks - not because I can’t afford it. I easily can, but because my son and his friends literally couldn’t give a shit about socks. My lad loves the outdoors, loves sport. The brand of his socks wouldn’t enter his head. I buy white sport socks from Primark, literally £3 for seven pairs.

I imagine your age is a massive factor. All my friends had babies in their late thirties. By this stage they have established careers, lovely homes, nice cars etc. At 16 when you were having your children they would have been living at home, never made a cup of tea and are still very much children. You can’t compare the stage you are at to them, so don’t waste your time.

It sounds like you’re doing a great job, if your children are sociable like you say and doing well at school, that’s all the matters, they will not give a shit about Nike socks and branded clothes. Nor will the other mothers (not the nice ones anyway). I imagine they will really admire you for raising good kids whilst you were really young yourself.

I’m mid forties with primary aged kids and plenty of disposable income - I still shop in Asda and Primark though. It doesn’t matter, you sound like you’re doing everything right.

They don't, you know, certainly not in any significant numbers. Adolescent pregnancy is an index of relative deprivation according to the WHO. While the teenage birthrate is decreasing globally, it's decreasing far more slowly in developing countries, and there are significant variations within those countries, with the the highest rates among the poorest people and those who have least access to education.

In the UK the highest teenage pregnancy rates and the lowest abortion rates are in the most deprived areas of the north east. Affluent areas in the south east have far lower teenage conception rates and far higher termination rates.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8767081/

A common stereotype (no idea if actually true) is that often poorer families care more about brands as they feel they have something to prove. The wealthier, more upper class, you are, the less you need to show your wealth.

Could that be true in your area OP?

The wealthiest people I've known/worked for all looked homeless...clothes (very good brands) patched or with holes in.
Shoes with holes in or very scruffy (but probably Italian made!)
Drove ancient cars, usually filthy inside and out, but again, very expensive like Jaguars or land rovers.
Big old houses (mansions) that had whole wings/parts that were unusable due to damp/bats/rats etc
The properly rich do not wear "designer" labels.
Their suits/shirts are made on Jermyn Street, (and they wear their father's and gfs old gear like tweed) their food is delivered from fortnums (although one very rich chap I knew adored Aldi) and they are not generous with gifts! ☺️

A lot of this is stereotypical old money. Some wealthy people behave like this but not all. I’m wealthy and I certainly don’t wear patched up old clothes from Jermyn Street (whatever that is). I value time over money so I buy clothes from places with the best search feature, like ASOS. Posh shops name all their clothes like “victoria dress” or “mallory blouse”, so you can never find anything. At asos I just search for “purple bardot top” if that’s what I want, and it comes up. So I do that. Price doesn’t come into it.

I do have rooms in my house I don’t use but it isn’t because of bats or damp! I just have a preferred place I like to sit, the rest of the house is for the cats!

I have worked with very deprived children in a famously deprived city. They had no sense that they were poor or that they lived in a deprived city. Their world view was entirely shaped by their experiences and they knew there were people worse off and had very little concept of people better off, of detached houses, country villages etc.