Has anyone cancelled an IVF cycle with donor eggs

[donorEggDont]

I need a place to anonymously get my feelings out. I have just cancelled my donor egg ivf fet cycle. I just can’t do it.
I thought I was ok with the idea but as it’s got nearer and nearer I’m just not. I feel anxiety not excitement.
I already have a dd (biological) and I’m far too anxious about feeling differently about a donor egg baby.
I’ve started to really enjoy having more time to myself as dd gets older and easier.

I’ve also scared myself silly reading about complications from an embryo that is 100% foreign to the carrying mother’s body and it terrified me. I should have sorted this out and investigated this things previously.

My scan was today I went alone as dh was working and I just broke down I couldn’t do it and asked the clinic to cancel the cycle. I have to now tell dh when he gets in as I know it’ll be the first thing he asks about.

Has anyone else ever cancelled an ivf cycle ? I think I just want dd to be an only child, but I still feel so upset.

Doubled sounds scary but if it’s a tiny number it doesn’t mean that.

Like it could be going from 1 in 10,000
to 2 in 10,000

This sounds very stressful for you, OP. If the embryos can sit in the freezer, then I think its good not to rush things. I had IUGR and high BP in my letrozole conceived pregnancy, preeclampsia in my naturally conceived pregnancy, both my own eggs. So these can happen in any pregnancy. But neither are particularly pleasant and my DD with IUGR in particular took a long time to catch up after she was born. My hospital had me on low dose asprin as a preventative measure and extra scans / dopplers to check all was well. I think its right to take the time to look into the actual details as pp have said above, get some specialist counselling and go from there. Let the stress of today calm down and have a proper conversation with your DH about whether you want to go ahead. Good luck.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. DE IVF is a highly stressful and emotive process for all involved. We've been someway down that road and I had no idea of the risks you mentioned. I feel like so many random things cropped up along the way for us that I'd never considered, it's a total minefield. It's also a VERY different process for you than it is for your DH.

I think you've made the right decision for you and that's all you can do. Better to make it now then finding out later. Sending you hugs ❤️

I'm not surprised you feel this way OP, give yourself some time and space to consider what you want to do.
I think because you are already a Mum that the stress and panic would have been 100% more because the natural fear of leaving your child/ potentially her growing up without you became overwhelming.
Talk to other specialist and get all the facts, figures you need when and if you feel ready.

Can’t believe these replies!! OP it’s YOUR body, and if you don’t want to do this anymore, then that is fine!

Shame on anyone making you feel any pressure

@donorEggDont

Some people on this thread are being awful. Cancel your cycle, take some time to sit with it, and talk to your husband. The embryos will still be there. If these risks aren't mentioned on the HFEA then it's probably because they're not statistically significant. Risks doubling could be a miniscule amount.

I can't believe that some people in this thread are trying to guilt you into carrying a pregnancy you currently feel like you don't want. People who are pro-life never stop to consider what the life of a child who wasn't wanted will be like.Or the mental, physical, and emotional toll on the literal living woman.

That being said, make an informed choice. Make sure you understand the research data properly and use a proper database to look for peer reviewed journals around the risks. It's hard to make an informed choice when you feel anxious and don't have all the information.

Fgs! It’s nothing like an abortion! Have you been through infertility? Have you been through IVF? If you don’t know this pain back off!!

OP you’ve had a really hard time here - this stuff is so tough! Sending love ❤️

Can you ask for more medical appointments to better understand the risk? Then you and DH can make an informed decision

Your choice OP, but that’s a mind-blowingly expensive change of heart.

I cannot believe the level of anger and lack of support on here for someone who is clearly in a really difficult place and struggling! Shame on all of you who have come with the pitchforks!

OP, you have absolutely done the right thing. As others have said, I don’t think it’s about the complication risks really, I think you’re not 100% about the donor aspect in general, which I totally get, I couldn’t do it myself. I suspect you worried about a reaction like you are getting on here from your family and friends and something just didn’t feel right to you so you went looking for a reason to ‘justify’ your feelings of not wanting to go ahead (which I totally understand, but you shouldn’t need to find).

I don’t know your specific situation of course but we were told we’d need to look at donor sperm or potentially donor eggs (or both) and we went for a second opinion at another clinic and ended up with 20 of our own embryos in the freezer from one cycle. Is there an option to explore your own eggs again or is that door closed? 🙏

whatever you do, please be kind to yourself…even if others aren’t 🙏❤️

I think you were right to put a stop to it. Yes, it would have been better had you not started the process but you saw sense in time.

You have a child, you are blessed. Enjoy her.

I doubt your husband will mind that much. It's usually the mother who frets about having more children - but they get over it.

Please try to put this behind her, the donor egg or eggs can go to someone else, it's likely the donor gave a few eggs and will be well recompensed for her trouble.

I think the OP is perfectly entitled to change her mind - even at this stage. They are embryos, not babies and not a human life. Yes, they are “wasted” in the sense they can’t be given to
someone else, but far better that than going ahead with a pregnancy she doesn’t want.

re the risk thing - I don’t think that’s a factor. I have two friends who have had successful donor egg pregnancies. They had lots of monitoring and no issues. So if that’s truly the only factor I wouldn’t let it stop you.

but it sounds to me like there are deeper matters at play around wanting a second child. And if that is the real reason then don’t go ahead. You don’t need to, even if you are at this stage.

Take some time to really, really think it through OP. I am against gamete donation (especially in surrogacy) for various reasons and I think there is possibly something nagging at the back of your mind that you need to explore.

Firstly, yes, there is a much higher risk of complications. I have read some awful surrogacy stories (and actually seen some medical notes) where the mother suffers pre-eclampsia and there is a pre-term birth, with all the resulting issues for both mum and baby. There is also the risks to the donors themselves. Young women can be exploited and taken advantage of in this industry, with the risks to them not fully explained.

Others may not wish to think about this, but most of us have a normal and overwhelming desire to know where we come from. It is well accepted in cases of adoption, where significant life-story work is done, but ill-explored in cases involving gamete donation. I personally believe that we are storing up a whole world of issues for the resulting children and the rise of e.g. Ancestry DNA testing will lead to some painful discoveries for the resulting child further down the line.

You and your DH will need to sit down and explore these feelings thoroughly, but ultimately it is your decision OP. I sometimes think that acceptance is not something that is ever explored as an option and the baby making industry presents such solutions as options that seem far easier than they actually are, when you scratch beneath the by surface.

Be kind to yourself.

From the clinics point of view, are they worried about losing potential customers if they talk about risks? Is there this assumption that people are so desperate to get pregnant that they'll risk anything? This isn't the first donor gamete related thread where I've been shocked at how badly counseled the patients have been.

@donorEggDont you have definitely done the right thing, it would have been completely wrong to go ahead with the cycle given the way that you are feeling about it.

Your DD will be fine as an only child, it seems that this experience has clarified that for you.

It’s exactly like an abortion.

Those risks are the same as any IVF cycle whether it’s donor eggs or not it has nothing to do with whose egg it is

seems to me you just got cold feet and these “risks” are your get out clause

FWIW you’ve done the right thing.

Dh has been lovely. He said it’s my choice and whatever I want is what we will do. He said there’s no pressure and no expectation. They can stay frozen forever if needs be and not get used if I feel that destroying them is too upsetting . He was so kind and understanding

Just a side note op, gestational diabetes doesn't have to be as scary as it sounds. I have it with no risk factors in 2 pregnancies along with being coeliac and it's irritating but v v cope-with-able.

Cant believe the pro life bullshit I'm reading. Its totally your choice, to be made at any time.
So glad DH was understanding

Why are people trying to force Op to go through with it when she doesn’t want to?!
shame on you, forced birthers

Absolutely best not to rush anything that you aren't sure of. But to let you know an IVF pregnancy is classed as a high risk pregnancy in itself. The risk of pre-eclampsia, IUGR, GD are all increased with an IVF pregnancy anyway. If the risks of using a donor egg aren't on the HFEA website that then aren't likely to be statistically significant. They are the reputable source of information to go by.

Because an IVF pregnancy is classed as a high risk pregnancy from the start (with or without donor eggs) you would be on a consultant led pathway and monitored very closely.

I'm glad your DH has been supportive, you shouldn't have to do anything you don't want to but I think it's worth having a more in depth conversation with a senior consultant about the risks you are concerned about and then you can make a properly informed choice. All the best.

You made your decision, but i would be careful with interpreting the high risk statistics.
Donor eggs are in many cases used by older women, or women with health issues. They are infrequently used by young, healthy women.
So, the statistics are likely confounded by maternal age and health!