If you’ve been signed off work with stress from bullying, what happened when you went back to work?

[EamonnFyre]

I think I might need to take time away from work as my manager is horrendous and I feel very bullied and picked on.

I’ve never been in this situation before and I’ve been working for 40 years. I am a bit lost.

If you’ve been in this situation and took time off as you’ve felt bullied please could you tell me what happened when you returned to work? Were you able to resolve the situation with the manager? Did you just leave and not return? If things were resolved how did this happen?

Thanks

It’s not giving up to move on and protect yourself. It’s an act of self care.

A close friend experienced bullying, victimisation and both direct and indirect discrimination by an NHS manager. Having had a previously unblemished sick record, the way they were treated finally made them ill. They were going to resign, but had a fantastic union rep who made it crystal clear to 'higher ups' that if this was to go to tribunal it would not reflect well on the Trust. My friend is now back at work with the support and backing of occupational health.

So sorry you are experiencing this @EamonnFyre and can only suggest you approach your union (hope you are in one) and get your GP to sign you off with 'work-related stress', whilst you take time to have space away from the toxicity.

This. Look to move. Free yourself.

Thanks for the kindness and advice on this thread. I’m sorry that so many people have been through similar experiences. What makes people choose to be mean to others? It’s depressing that adults resort to things that most children recognise are wrong.
I am in a union and I hadn’t even thought to ask them! Thanks to those who thought of this option.

My DH was bullied and he was late 50's. One of the bullies was the union rep. Local government.
DH went off sick for longer and longer. At one point he was considering suicide.
Fortunately they needed to restructure and as he was the oldest in the team he was able to retire early.
Bully is still there and just moves on to another victim. 3 more members of staff have left since DH finished.

Used the time off to get legal advice (expensive ) and write a very long grievance. Negotiated a sizable settlement and left. Recovered, slowly.

The union rep within the workplace did not feel equipped to deal with the issue and so referred my friend's case to the area rep who was excellent. They really knew the law and their stuff.

I think some adults never leave behind the mean child they were in the playground. Perhaps they were the victim of bullying themselves? They cannot have any sense of peace or true happiness in their heart and are more to be pitied than scorned, but sadly they cause so much damage in their wake.

My friends son did this on a truly horrendous call from her boss where he actually threatened her if she didn't take on yet more work, during Covid.

I heard the call afterwards.
Her son had called to the house.

It was a friday afternoon and she got signed off work monday morning.

She raised a grievance and did a word for word document which stated her son had the recording and wanted to involve the police.

She was off work for 9 months on full pay.
She now works from home only, 3 days a week on the same pay.

She has the receipts having worked there for 15 years.

This is a household name company.
She laid out in her grievance the bullshit she has tolerated and name check half the board.
They tried to offer her a severence but she point blank refused it and made it very clear it will go to tribunal or court.

The prick is still employed but on the one occasion the accidentally bumped into each other he bent himself out of shape telling her how fabulous she looked.

For 15 years she kept those receipts....emails upon emails of shocking stuff and very careful note taking.
It has served her so well.
Her excellent legal emplyment specialist told her that her notes were peerless.

Start looking back and creating notes, a timeline of the bullying.
If you can record, do it.

Call ACAS for specific step by step advice.
Your union 100% should be your first call, with your notes of examples, dates, any witnesses etc.

Go to your GP and get signed off.
Spend that time writing up the grievance and looking for another job.

Decide then if you wish to go ahead with the grievance.

I used the time off to give notice and just never went back

I think the threat of tribunal is a massive one - I said grievance in my post but she was very prepared to go further, and they knew it. It could have backfired, but it’s not illegal to record for your own personal use and although it might be misconduct, the bosses behaviour was so egregious I think they would have been in a lot of trouble if they had gone that route. She played it for the HR person because that’s the person who found her crying outside and she said tge HR woman was viably appalled. So, high risk maybe, but it paid off for her.

@Generationdollyour friend sounds amazing. Well done to her for toughing it out and being organised. I am in awe.

Having to wait 3 - 4 years for a tribunal hearing makes that a less attractive option.

I was bullied and it totally ruined my confidence. I didn’t take time off, I stupidly felt I couldn’t and I thought it would better to be present. It was the big boss, ably supported by my immediate line manager. I had the union rep in multiple meetings but their role was to apparently sit there and advise later, absolutely useless.

The advice from the regional union rep was to leave, so I did. I bargained, tho, for a blinding reference, which frankly was thoroughly deserved given the results I’d produced. I got out as fast as I could and had my confidence re-built in a much tougher workplace where I was absolutely loved and frequently told how great I was. It really helped, but even now, almost 10 years later, I have wobbles and I still don’t understand why the big boss decided he disliked me despite crazy good outcomes.

Taking time off is great for headspace, but will you just be at home thinking about it? And how can you then go back, with presumably the same people still situ? I suggest getting out asap.

It would be in the record and also if followed up with occupational health. It also buys more time to look for a different job. Maybe stay in the same company but change teams to avoid the line manger.

I agree.
It was crystal clear to them that she was not going to be talked down.
Mentioning Board members, staff that been approached for support who had chosen not to, were now in big positions.

I have absolutely no doubt, because there was extremely misogynistic language, questions about her being on her period, was she menopausal, casual insulting offensive language that it would have undoubtedly made the newspapers.

PR wise a fxxking disaster, especially for a huge company that prides itself on its treatment of staff.
This was nearly 5 years ago and they don't so much as say Boo to her now.
WFH suits her perfectly.
She's very good at what she does.

I really hope OP you will contact your union.

I had a call the day before I was due back to say the main reason I was off had left. Happily went back with a plan of action to stop so many tasks being put on me.
Things are starting to creep up 6 months later but I’ve pushed back with no ramifications.

This would be my dream. I’m so glad it’s worked out for you.