I work in workplace mental health. You are right to think about what happens when you come back, as in my experience organisations don’t have much of a plan beyond a phased return and then back to business as usual.
You may need to accept that if your manager is fundamentally an unreasonable person, there is unlikely to be a reasonable resolution. Just as there’s no arguing with stupid, there’s no negotiating with unhinged, and no peacemaking with mean. How these situations get resolved unfortunately often rests largely on whose side the senior leadership are on, or how important the manager is to the organisation.
If your manager is a known bully and a liability, you may get somewhere with a formal grievance procedure. However if your manager is known to be a bully but is also very hard to get rid of, because they’re vexatious, or very senior, or bring in a lot of money for the company or something, then bringing a grievance can be risky. It shouldn’t be like this. But I see it all the time, unfortunately.
The good news is that if your manager is fundamentally reasonable and generally well-intentioned, but has poor communication / management skills, there may be more that can be done before / instead of going off sick.
If you are not at rock bottom burnout-wise, here are some things you might consider:
- is there a possibility of moving teams?
- is there the possibility of mediation? Could this be offered via HR or an outside organisation?
- do you have a workplace mentorship or counselling service, where you might get some practical support with ‘managing up’?
I wish you all the best - it’s awful having a bullying boss.