We are the noisy neighbours.

[kaylot]

Daughter, just turned a teen, with level 2 autism who stims by rocking. Us and nextdoor are in bungalows. They are an old couple who hate all noise.
I totally understand my daughter's rocking is making a banging sound. We cannot change rooms. Our bedroom is already our living room with a fold out bed. It hasn't been our priority as i have stage 4 cancer and not even sure i have a future this year.
Earlier in the year we upgraded her bed.
With all the messages from nextdoor we have told them there is only one day a week we can get in her room. She is home educated and only leaves the house this 1 day per week for a home education group. Last week husband tried to tighten the headboard but realised we need a new and smaller one which we have now bought ready to fit. The week before i was having chemo. I spent more and bought mats that go under dryers which is ready. So we have what we think we need for in 3 days. Unfortunately i am also stuck with a hospital appointment on that day every week which lowers the time we have free at home from 4 hours to 2 1/2.
Neither of us can just go in her room when she is home. Her rocking / stimming has started during my illness. Ive had repeated infections where ive had to stay in causing even more stress for her.
Im at the end of my coping. I understand the bang bang is annoying. Husband kept going round to talk to them and they were understanding however a few days ago conversation stopped when husband had to hang up on them when the man said "its not our fault your daughter ain't right in the head".
So, we are the awful neighbours and i am lost at what to do. We cannot move her room around. She is side on against their wall so the headboard isnt banging back against it.
I do not want to take away her ability to stim as its obviously bringing her some comfort. Removing the headboard would therefore distress her.
So, to recap. We have a new smaller headboard ready to swap on wednesday. We have 3 large washing machine/ drier vibration control mats. We cant think of anything else that is quick and easy to do in less than 3 hours.
To add. Sometimes nextdoor complain the moment theres a noise and daughter naturally stops after just a few minutes. Other times she can go for 30-40 minutes. I have not said anything to my daughter as she would be horiified.
Please, anything from anyone

I'm so sorry for this stress on top of your own huge health worries, it's the last thing you need.

We have neighbours (though they're in their 30s) who have similarly complained and have no tolerance for my son's stims. I appreciate they don't like the noise, I don't like it either, it's very difficult. I don't know what might help noise-wise but I would let your daughter's social worker know if she has one, they should reassure you and also in case any complaint is made, they are already aware. I spoke to my son's disabled children's team social worker when our neighbours started hammering the walls and coming round and she said that she wasn't concerned... well other than the distress it caused to us.

It's such a difficult situation, I empathise and am here if you need to chat 💗

This sounds horrible I’m sorry. I think your neighbours should be a bit more understanding in this instance although ofc if there are easy fixes to manage the noise, it would be neighbourly to do those fixes.

Soundproof wall panels? They're not that expensive I don't think.

I can understand both sides of the issue.

The noise is unbearable for them, I get that, you don’t know what issues they are facing themselves. I have noise sensitivity myself and it would drive me barmy. Our homes are meant to be our sanctuaries so understanding needs to work both ways. They have used antiquated language to describe your daughter which is hurtful but they are of a time when there was less understanding of autism.

But you have your own issues but the onus is on you to minimise the noise. You have been given a few steers on here, hope you get a resolution that suits all.

It boils my piss when disabled children and their disabled (cancer is a disability by law) mums are expected to make accommodations for ignorant adults. It's not like the OP or her DD are doing any of this on purpose.

All this "they are products of a different time" nonsense is just a pitiful excuse. The Disability Discrimination Act became law in 1995. The neighbours have had the last thirty years to get used to living in a country in which disabled people aren't shut away in institutions but in fact have civil rights.

We all have civil rights.

Buy a beech band, read the reviews, ( great success stories) may help, I have one for my Parkinson's, held calm me and aid my walking too, naturally two is ideal for charging reasons, fairly affordable

We do, and at no point does anyone have a right to total silence from their neighbours, nor a right to call someone "not right in the head".

Oh OP, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through and your neighbours sound vile. Haven’t really got any suggestions but didn’t want to read and run. 💐