How do you help your child to think about life after university?

[Afteruni]

We all know how tough the job market is for new graduates at the moment. And this will presumably get worse, because of AI.

My DC has one more year at a Russell Group university doing an essay type degree that doesn't lead to anything in particular. Up to now, their approach to thinking about job/career options has been to keep their head in the sand. There's vague talk of doing an MA, perhaps abroad (which would also lead to nothing in particular), which would of course add to their debt. DC is bright but doesn't love academic work in any event, so I'm not encouraging more education that doesn't actually help towards a particular career path. DC hasn't gone for any of those hard-to-get internships which can lead to jobs in the City. They have however done a number of summer jobs (so there is some evidence of work ethic, working in a team, customer service) and have managed to organise a couple of one-off internships locally, but they were prodded to do those things. One of their strengths is that they're nice to be around - they get positive feedback from the people they work with.

I've bought DC what looks like a very useful book designed to help people still at university to consider careers. This remains unread at the moment. I've also said that I would pay for a psychometric test if we can find one that would help DC to work out which direction to go in. I've also said that I would offer some financial help (finances are limited though) to do a postgraduate course if it qualifies them for a specific career path. I've suggested a few career options which I think might suit them (though getting a job would be difficult, as for most things). None of this has had any visible impact. I've urged them to speak to their university careers office for guidance, but they haven't done so yet.

I feel that DC is heading towards leaving university without any real plan, let alone a job, with a large debt, possibly doing a course they're unlikely to enjoy and which will add to their debt and leave them no more employable. Living at home wouldn't help them, because we live in an area where there's very little employment. They're not grasping or accepting how tough the job market is, and that it's unlikely a fun, exciting and well-paid job will just land in their lap.

I'm sure I'm not alone in having a DC who is at this stage. Does anyone have any advice, or any experience to share?

I literally had to google them to show DC that they are in fact a building and you can go there whenever you want

Another option was to take a non-interfering approach to give them chance to work it out for themself.

Please don't leave money to the donkey sanctuary. They have so much money they don't know what to do with it.

That's classic catastrophisation. These fears of yours are driving you to interfere too much.

They need space to work out who they are and what they want to do.

Being supportive is not the same thing as interfering.

With respect OP that may also happen to them if they lose their job at say aged 40. Self learning how to build the resilience at this age is the best way forward

That was a long time ago and they've never been to the careers office. They've had plenty of time to take the initiative. They're surrounded by other students who are doing so.
As I've said, they've had loads of chances to become more independent - they've lived abroad independently (they had a gap year). Travelled independently. Done lots of jobs, independently of me. Had all that time at uni making a life with new people. Had long term relationships. I'm not a helicopter parent - I let them get on with it without many calls or messages.
It does seem to be a kind of mental block or funk to do with the challenge of life after university.

We talked about not doing a degree which doesn't lead to anything in particular before university.
So many cousins and friends' children have struggled for a job because they did these courses.

From what I read, it's not catastrophisation - it's the reality for many recent graduates.

This!

Let them know you are happy to help if needed, but stop doing all that stuff for them.

[edited because I was probably a bit harsh…]

I do wish my DC had done something more practical. In other countries, degrees tend to be much more specific to a particular job. I've suggested DC look at a practical postgraduate course, but they don't seem to be interested in that.

It is classic carastrophisation to assume the bad scenario, which is a minority scenario, is in line for your child.

There's an alternative scenario where you step back, they take a couple of years to work things out and start to enjoy life on their own terms.

Sorry but that's awful of your husband jeez. He could just be going through a phase and even if not i think that's really spiteful behaviour.

Do you have recent experience of the job market for new graduates - or even worse for graduates who've spent the last year working as a kitchen porter? I don't think it's so easy to work things out for yourself when you're doing at best a very basic job coming out of uni. And things will get much worse with AI.

I agree.

When DD1 sat A Levels, we had a lot of discussion about what to do afterwards - they wanted to study English and become a primary school teacher.

DD also got a lot of pressure from school to attend university and which ones were good for the schools statistics .
I gess we were lucky enough that DD took advice from us as parents and spent a year working in a school as TA. Needless to say, she did not go ahead with becoming a teacher, she went for health care related studies with an NHS bursary attached to reduce costs. Something she worked out while working without having to think about exams ect. But it's hard for them with all the pressure & advice thrown at them from all directions. I think many DC end up at uni without a concrete plan for a career afterwards. Just because it's presented as a natural progression.

OP, keep talking to your DC about career choices and earning potential but don't preach or give to much advice. Tell them they are an adult, can drink, drive a car and go abroad without you. So they need to figure this out by themselves.

I'm assuming that your DH has named you as sole beneficiary if he goes first, otherwise you'll find yourself up a creek without a paddle while the donkeys have a ball! He might have changed his will but you can too, and bequeath your estate however you wish.

I do have relevant, recent experience.

My point is - you're making things worse not better by interfering rather than letting your child develop their own initiative.

You have been very involved, and it's time for your adult child to take the lead now.

Your anxiety about the future is not helping them to feel confident and capable.

It was the same when I graduated in the 90s. Some people had graduate jobs lined up, but not all. I didn't know what I wanted to do, so I temped (all sorts of work) which was insecure and low paid until I figured out a plan (on my own, using my own initiative). I know there weren't the challenges of AI back then, but lots of people do "basic jobs" until they know which path they want to tread. There's no rush, as long as they're doing something productive and not just sat around gaming all night and sleeping all day! However, you need to let them get on with it in their own time and make their own mistakes.

I helped her select a professional degree where she gets a job before the end of it.

Great plan, though I doubt my DC would have gone for it.

The best thing they can do is engage with the university careers service. Someone with a non professional degree can still be very employable they just often need support on articulating that and understanding the options available.
But if he’s refusing to engage with the service then that’s on him. More fool him though as he’s paid for this expert support and they’re literally there to support him.

That's not relevant or helpful here, so why say it?

The OP's child has done a degree which doesn't have an automatic route but does still provide a good tertiary qualification which gives many more options than not having done a degree.

One good thing is careers support is often offered to graduates not just current students.

Very true but it’s nowhere near the level of support you get when you’re a current student.

This. Make it clear that they need to fund their food, their car, their holidays, clothes, phone, social life. They need a job or to sign on.

Make sure they know how to write a cv & a covering letter, how to build a profile on Indeed,TotalJobs & LinkedIn. Offer to help. Don't do it for them.

Then step back. The dreariness of poverty or benefits should be enough to induce some effort.

Honestly don’t step back. Keep the conversations going. If they dont know what they want to do after uni, a gap year gives some thinking time. They can do a combination of travel, volunteering, off cycle internships - fewer but easier to get than summer internships. Private schools let bright grads to a teaching year to try it out.

Masters should be vocational imo - conversion to law, computer science, data science, clinical psychology etc. to build employable skills. I would discourage an academic masters after an arts or humanities degree unless aiming for a career as an academic.

An advantage that they have is being at an RG University. We recently interviewed for an entry level policy job - it had a sustainability element to it which young people are very keen on. There were just under 500 applicants to shortlist. It's insane. By contrast in my line of work, for a slightly more experienced role, in a different area, we will get 8 - 10 applicants. Lots of graduates want to work in policy basically.

https://www.civil-service-careers.gov.uk/professions/working-in-policy/

https://edwebcontent.ed.ac.uk/sites/default/files/imports/fileManager/Policy%20Work%202014.pdf

Charity internships in policy might be worth a look if they are put off by corporate internships. Large charities are increasingly being seen as having a policy role, small charities are increasingly being seen as having the local service delivery role. Equity diversity and inclusion is a big thing though - charities want to recruit from diverse backgrounds.

A couple of interesting books:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/New-Power-Persuade-Mobilize-Connected/dp/110197110X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=3TNBHM4RD9ZJL&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.PBwm_hmRT5qB4DNWeefZ0Mz5d96gXUWFmwjmMxh25BOYkIe4bUoPKAqT4kzL-jZSCmJIvkOfGK_ARO7wgmyzWifbCqBYpYbfIrOhvc0G1bbxy3b1aeSXCl-iG38wJMpr-ihV28CuKRbPsW4s91xM7OYgHj4n0aiKoWjkakgTs6oNpGTgVFrvsCYPbsAL8QKjZqoH3qOoo0bsLJq_PSsj3A.mzPBdH7S0c99TQjxy9bqjlhk11AngNl0KI4jBFcdPrY&dib_tag=se&keywords=new+power&qid=1782569158&sprefix=new+power%2Caps%2C167&sr=8-1

https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Change-Happens-Duncan-Green-ebook/dp/B0D5HYBJ9V/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=TCNO8GPXYQ7Z&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.N9L-pAZuoeqNJF5DYwJkx15lrnmBXKjJFKAf88uP5CR523ewjYq4tCL-JlQ8z3WElxrD8_VM9vXXuWB4mK8U35wJ4EIv0_CWFck_LAXg-Bp-2iwCWTWKHrj5m55W2Wy4ka_Vz6HpEkqAKzz8hDPX0rXtnUTyOKkNb4FE_kAb9U-Nesg_cglIB5wMMfX4MisXPXRACsIHUr4f3KoMZXFQmA.lSME9yLt-LfkS8z1OMtpFDQx3L4e4hBlfEAb0qjXEgk&dib_tag=se&keywords=how+change+happens&qid=1782568554&sprefix=how+change+happens%2Caps%2C223&sr=8-1

I'd encourage them to apply for some internships anyway - if nothing else it will give them experience of interviews.

One thing I would say is that doing any jobs that involve people skills - whether that's customer service or teaching - will give them an edge later on. Whenever I've interviewed people who've done those roles they have stood out over others who on paper have more experience.

AI skills are also going to be really important so doing any short courses in that will be good and give them an edge.