Who should submit a flexible working request first in our situation?

[ThePoisedOpalBird]

Just looking for a bit of advice. Me and my partner work for the same company but different stores. Previous to my maternity leave we worked in the same store and had an agreement with our manager that if my partners days had to change then my hours also changed (he works 5 days full time as a manager, I work 2 as a customer assistant) but now we are in different stores.

My partners contracted days were recently changed after his paternity leave but as he is a manager he is expected to be flexible and have the ability to move his days with 4 weeks notice.

The issue is the days he used to have off were the days I worked. This now means that not only do I need to submit a flexible working request to move my days and remove any need for flexibility. My partner also needs to put in a flexible working request to try to remove his flexibility.

The issue I am having is who should submit their request first as I know they can take up to 2 months to reply.

If my partners manager says no to allowing him to have fixed days and no flexibility then I will have to quit work. Equally if my manager says no to changing my days I will have to quit work so I am unsure who should submit first.

I don't want to affect my partners career or progression by putting in requests that are then irrelevent if I can't move days but equally no point moving my days if my partner has to continue to be flexible.

Any advice on how to approach this would be greatly appreciated!

And the reality is at this very precise moment his income is the most important thing as it pays the bills. So him keeping his job takes priority over my basic part time job.

I will have to do a complete career change to earn more money which comes with a lot of sacrifice and a lot of issues to overcome and massive costs involved so at the moment that isn't the priority.

Can you request fixed day shifts, and if you then find walkable childcare your partner can do drop offs and pickups on the days you work.

The kids are only in nursery 8.30-3.30 so I would have to do drop off and pick up as he is asleep.

Retail also generally requires early starts (6am) or late finishes (10pm) so I am highly unlikely to get a 16 hour fixed day contract with no weekend working and no requirement to be flexible (standard contracts require you to have availability 1.5x your contracted hours) but I will ask them if they can offer a 9.30 - 3 3 day week weekday job and hold it for 6 months. But I do have to be realistic that it is highly likely to not be approved as they work to such tight costs/hours.

Thank you for the responses. I think we will just have to submit them at the same time and if either one is rejected I will have to see if they can offer me a miracle vacancy and if not quit for now.

What times does your partner work? My DH worked 9:30pm-6:00am he would get home and I would leave and start work by 7:30. He would stay up get the kids to school then come home and sleep 9-2:45pm then get up and collect them from school he'd then have another nap once I got home

That’s what I was thinking @WafflingDreamer

He works 10-7.30. Its an hour commute so he doesnt get home until 8.30/9 and leaves around 8.45pm. So I can't so 6am starts or 10pm finishes in retail unfortunately which makes getting a 16 hour daytime vacancy extremely unlikely.

Its more the issue of the hours in retail. I couldnt start until 9.30. Partners generally doesnt get home until 8.30ish as its an hour commute. So I cant start at 6 or 7am and I cant finish at 10pm.

This is why we both took on nights as finding daytime retail that isnt early starts or late night is very very hard and also with no weekend working.

I'd fi d a new job, are you caring? You can pick up shifts in nursing homes and hospitals through an agency an hour before they start, no need to plan weeks in advance then, good money too for nights. Won't be relevant if you'd hate care work of course.

It’s paramount whether she’s married or not, spousal maintenance isn’t a thing.

Im also baffled that mumsnet thinks marriage offers income protection

Honestly? No. I am not caring in the slightest. It sounds horrible but I would be the worst person for that role.

I also have to have a minimum of 16 hours to get the free childcare hours.

Lots of people stay at home with their kids.

I am interested in looking for a new full time career but there are lots of emotional, finacial and practical barriers so it isn't the immediate option.

I think you need to get out of the 'retail' mindset. How about cleaning? You can pick up hours and jobs to suit when the kids are at nursery. Any good at admin? School receptionist or similar could work.

Any grandparents who could do a sleepover?

OP, please don't quit your job for a man you aren't married too. There is always a way and that may well be having to pay for more childcare and only having half your income v £0 income for you.

If you're not going back until December I would hold of for a couple of months before making any big decisions - you never know what could happen in that time

Its more they can take up to 2 months to agree the flexible working requests so we needed to decide whether to submit at the same time or after one has been approved.

I have super bad anxiety so cleaning in different places wouldn't likely be something I could cope with and also my partners company car wouldn't allow me to use it foe business purposes.

I have considered schools. Most seem to recruit for a September start so wouldn't be a option until next year and again not sure if I would be able to get low enough hours to cover the very small amount of time the kids are in childcare but it is something I will keep an eye on.

My dad isn't retired to help with childcare.

Personally due to the emotional side of not wanting to leave my kids I wont work more hours if it means I am losing a considerable amount of pay towards childcare unless there was very obvious earning potential that makes leaving my kids worth it.

But I have a lot of personal issues which will make that quite hard.

You give far far too much op and expect so little in return.

you have said twice in this thread that you don’t want to jeopardise your partners career. What about yours?!?

you have given everything to having his children and he has given nothing back. Your body, your health, your career.

the absolute bare minimum from him is that he marries you (takes an hour and £100) so that you have some protection.

yes, your question isn’t about this. It absolutely should be.

£100 where do you live where its £100!!! Ours is about £500 last time I checked and had a 6-9 month wait. He isn't the one putting off getting married.

But thank you for your input I am aware it is something I need to look into booking when I am ready.

Crikey, that’s gone up!! I got married 2009, it was £117!

Yep everyone said how 'cheap it was' I was surprised by the cost.

OP you sound like you don’t want to change jobs and if you had too you’d choose not to work. That is honestly your prerogative but I hope we don’t see you back in a couple of years when you’ve separated and are struggling financially.

With regards to the working requests, put them both in together and see what happens. Write on yours that you’d be willing to work days shifts between the hours you can do and then it will be what it will be.

I feel like your just making excuses not to work, if you don’t want to work then don’t work.

look at nurseries with longer hours ? There plenty nurseries that offer the free hours for 2 days a week between 8-6, you could enhance your working hours up to 7pm and your DP would have to collect them when he wakes up and you do a quick swap over.

I actually desperatly want to change jobs. Working 2 nights a week sucks big time as I don't sleep well in the day with the kids here.

However there are a lot of issues (some emotional and some practical) which make it hard to find something else.

Part time jobs with no experience seem very very rare and as said above full time is a lot of uncertainty and issues which make it seem difficult.

I would struggle financially if I worked full time and we separated as he couldn't have the kids except once a week so it is sort of irrelevent to a degree.

If I cant return to my part time job I will have to quit until I find something else.

We only have 1 car so I still couldnt start until 9.30.

If they had a vacancy 9.30- 6.30 2 days a week during the week I wouldn't earn enough to qualify for the free childcare as you lose 1.5hr of break in a 9 hour shift.

So either way I would have to quit my current part time job at the end of the year if we cant get both flexible working requests approved and then attempt to find something else.

I actually do want to work as we have a lot of debt to clear.

Is the £7/8k extra worth it for night shift if it costs you your job? And presumably puts him on a different schedule from you and your children - not so bad working nights 2 days a week but 5?