Aibu re inlaw visits

[namehange]

I am in a serious newborn sleep deprivation bubble so not sure of my thoughts at the moment and would appreciate some outside perspective. I have also name changed.

My in-laws chose to move to be nearer to DH’s brother about 10 years ago now. This was to be closer to BIL and his children as they grew up. At the time, me and DH did not have children. The journey is 6 hours away up north away from us.

me and DH would regularly make the trip to go and see PIL and BIL and his children. Maybe every 2 months or so. In the 10 years since they have moved, PIL have come to visit us only 2 times. It is always us that makes the effort to go to them. We are both in very demanding jobs and travelling so far at the weekend would leave us both exhausted by Monday but we would make the effort anyway.

fast forward to now and we have a gorgeous baby girl. Suddenly PIL want to come and stay with us every month or 6weeks for a weekend.

i understand they want to see their granddaughter, however there’s something just really agitating me about it. I feel as if they never bothered to visit their son (my DH) before DD was here and now they only want to come up because we have DD. I suppose I feel extra sensitive about it because I feel there’s been some favouritism with PIL choosing to move close to BIL over DH. I can’t imagine ever choosing to move near one child and so far from the other child and would have picked to live in the middle (but I suppose how I feel about that is irrelevant). So not to drop feed, DH and I have had fertility issues for many years, so maybe that is also clouding my judgement a bit because I feel as if they moved to be with BIL who had children whereas we were the infertile couple not worth bothering with.

The other issue is our guest room. Our guest room has hardly been used since we lived here due to PIL not visiting and we don’t really have other overnight visitors. We are therefore debating making it our little girls nursery (rather than our upstairs study which is smaller) and buying a sofa bed downstairs. I know PIL will be unhappy with this but the guest room has not been used in so long, I feel annoyed if they now claim some sort of demand for us to keep it for them.

I guess I’m just after some outside opinions … am I BU to feel a bit niggled by this sudden change of heart about visiting us?

If you want to make the guest room your daughter's bedroom, you should go ahead and do this. It would be unreasonable to keep the room empty for most of the time just so that your PILs can use it when they visit. They would be the unreasonable ones if they make a fuss about this as it's your house and your baby.

Would them visiting every two months be better for you? They seem to think that they can call the shots if they just announced that they would be staying with you every 4 - 6 weeks.

Would your DH support you if they say that they are unhappy about sleeping downstairs and visiting less often?

@namehange The PILs weren't favouring your Bil- they were favouring being close to their grandchildren. That's why they now want to visit. It's nice that they want to come but I would tell them to get an airbnb if they are not happy with the accomodations. Guest room needs to be nursery room now.

If it makes you feel any better, my PILs, having taken zero interest in us, wanted to visit for a full weekend once a fortnight - I’ve pushed back to 6-8 weeks as that’s as much as I can handle. Their weekends are very intense and they expect to be with their DG 24/7. They stay in the study on a sofa bed but once DC2 moves into their own room then they’ll be on an airbed downstairs. Can’t be helped. I’m sure your PIL will understand your kid needing their own room. Once your DC is older, take their visits as an opportunity for an evening out - leave them to babysit once DC is asleep.