DH told toddler to fuck off

[NoFeelings]

DH is ill, toddler has been ill and is taking a while to go to sleep. DH shouted “fuck off” whilst toddler was on his lap. Apparently they hit him and it wasn’t aimed at them but the situation. I heard it in the other room and came in and said I would take over.

He used to do this when they were a baby.

I don’t know what I’m typing. He then started saying I would hate him forever and what’s the point in his life. Usually these events end up with me crying and him asking then getting angry at me for crying and it’s out of proportion and then me reassuring him everything’s ok and it’s all good .

Is this just parental burnout?

Not intentionally. Whippped me with an eye mask but this was apparently him just taking it off his head when and throwing it. This was in the context of toddler, then baby crying and me wanting to go to pick him up and him saying no and I was crying and he was mocking me crying. I genuinely don’t know if he did or not.

This thread is only going to go one way. As you reveal more details we (and hopefully you OP) will clearly see your husband is abusive.
To both you and your child. Physically, emotionally etc.
It doesn't matter WHY (Long covid?). I hope this thread helps you realize and begin to plan to leave for your own safety and well-being and that of your baby. You both deserve more than this angry man.

Edit to add: we can already see he is abusive, those who have read thus far don't need any more details, it's very clear.

I'm delighted that you earn more than him and are therefore financially in a good position 💝

Baby monitors all over the house, to watch the toddler of course… and then once you’ve caught his behaviour on camera several times, you make your plan to get out. Make sure he knows you’re using nanny cams, show him cute videos of the toddler from
during the day etc. Send them in messages so you have a record that he knew there were cameras.

Then, when you do leave, you can use it. To keep your kid safe from him.

Thank you. I still don’t think he is, but have posted on other people’s threads enough. It’s complicated that I can’t physically leave as I have a disability so a court would give him custody.
I am questioning my own sanity.

The UK doesn’t have custody, not like that. And disabled people raise kids along all the time. Why do you think you wouldn’t be given at least 50%?

The start is 50/50. A court will not grant that to a man with a history of abuse when you have proof.

@SnappyQuoter ibe been considering getting cameras as I’m doubting my own recollection of events and want to be able to see if he is how I remember or if as he says I’m just hormona and getting upset over nothing .

i started sending myself messages of the things he did. Then deleted them all as I didn’t want him to read that if I died.

A normal reaction to accidentally hurting someone is checking that they’re ok, and apologising profusely.

Have you read Lundy Bancroft’s book Why Does He Do That I think you’ll find your dh in there.

I'm going to bed now but I noticed that you said he changed because of Long Covid.
No, he changed because you had a baby and he was no longer your #1 priority.

If you have videos of him shouting at the baby and throwing stuff at you I'd HOPE he doesn't get custody.

And all the people who think he's a great dad - probably don't. Certainly won't when they see how he carries on behind closed doors.

@JillThePlantKiller ive bought that book. But I put it in a cupboard and haven’t read it.

Ues, I couldn’t understand why when he’s accidentally hurt me he isn’t mortified. And then I’m the one who ends upmtelong him it’s ok

Thank you @LeeshaPaper for taking the time to reply as well. I think I will go to bed and try to sleep as well as toddler will be up early and even though DH offers to get up woth him I feel I have to go as well

Thank you to everyone for the chat tonight. I have lost touch woth all my friends, the NCT group didnt work out and ive not really been to any baby groups.

Read the pdf I’ve linked to so he doesn’t see it. Is your Mumsnet account secure? Turn off the autofill password option on your phone and change your password. It’s an inconvenience, but it will protect this space for you to explore what’s going on.

No it’s not ok,poor kid.also if he used to swear at your child as a baby,he has serious issues.i personally would not be leaving them alone,especially if you have to go out.

Thank you, I’ll have a look tomorrow. I still feel like I’m over reacting even typing this out. But I guess I posted as I know it’s not ok. I just want my long DH back. Not one that I feel resents me and hates me

*want my loving DH back

Was he “ your dh that you want back”. before you had children ?

think back - has he gone lije this since you’ve had them ?

maybe he can’t handle the stress of having young children around him ?

The mocking you when your upset is disrespectful, hurtful and insulting
The throwing his mask off just because child is crying wether at you or not is rage and you do not deserve his outburst
I don’t think you love him anymore, I think you’re scared of being on your own . I don’t know why though because I bet you do everything or mostly everything yourself.
you earn more than him , so do you really want someone like him that loses it and then degrades you for being upset. ??
He would NOT want he children because he hasn’t the patience for them .
just because you have a disability does not mean you can’t look after your children , there’s thousands of women out there with disabilities if all kind

He seems to have you trained to not make a fuss and to be on eggshells all the time, and is getting in early by teaching his baby to not respond to his outbursts.

What an awful situation for you and baby to be in. Your husband is a nasty piece of work.

I think you need to speak to a DA charity and ask them if certain things he does are considered legally abusive. I can tell you right now that he is one but you won't believe me but maybe you would believe those who deal with it day in, day out. I was like you and thought my ex didn't fit the criteria but after emailing Women's Aid several times asking them questions (including whether I was being over sensitive) I started seeing what it was in reality. So I then spoke to my GP who agreed I was being abused... and my social prescriber said I was, and several hospital consultants confirmed it and on and on. Start talking to those who deal with it in real life. Maybe your health visitor?

As for Lundy Bancroft's book you can google it for a free pdf download file as that might be more easily accessible to you than a book.

Same here . Though my toddler hears me swearing I would never swear at him