To want to help my sister postpartum?

[TheSparklyLimeDog]

My sister is about to have a baby and I'd like to help. I have been a mother for a few years now so I understand it can be challenging. I was thinking of visiting every few weeks for the first few months and bringing over a healthy meal. I appreciated this when friends and family visited.

However....

I have no idea if my sister would be comfortable with my helping for several reasons:

• We were not that close as kids (she bullied me but I've forgiven her) but have had some good moments years ago.

• She barely texts me or shows interest in me, honestly I doubt she even likes me lol. In family settings she will only talk if necessary and seems to almost ignore me in family group chats.

• She was not interested in my pregnancy/postpartum, barely texted or asked how I was doing.

• She has given slightly stuck up comments about how I parent - she seems clueless about difficult it can be as a parent.

• She didn't tell me about her infertility journey.

Anyway - I'm thinking maybe I should help or should I just back off?

ask her?

Most first time mums are clueless about parenting I wouldn’t consider that a reason not to help.

Good point. She's been really distant with me and I just feel like she does not like me for some reason

That's true!

Why in God's name are you asking Mumsnet instead of your actual sister?

Honestly, this place is getting worse.

Okay sure, I will ask my sister that is always irritated with me, has sent abusive texts when asking simple questions. That will go well!

Well you’ve never been close and she’s been struggling with infertility while you’ve been having and raising a baby so it’s not surprising. And you can’t help if she doesn’t want help so asking her is the only option

Given how your sister behaves towards you, I wouldn't bother.

Visiting every few weeks is hardly helping is it?

Then what's the thread for?

If this is the case, she's not going to want you anywhere near her or her baby, is she?

Plus, if you're not going to ask her, are you just planning to barge in and get busy?

That's true. I guess the only option is to possibly ask.

I had PPD/PPA so I know it can be difficult after

Good point!

Id eventually have to ask

Really? Lol for me that would have been amazing. Not everyone has lots of help

Is she not in contact with the baby's father at all?

Yes , I get along with him

Do they live together?

Even if they don't, he'll be cooking their meals, surely?

It's normal in my culture to help with meals and looking after the mother. I know its not that normal in the UK

@TheSparklyLimeDog this is a difficult one.
are you considering doing this as a way to improve the relationship between the two of you?
Do you think she will take your offer in the spirit in which you offer it?
Are you projecting what you needed in the past onto her now?
It sounds like you’re very different people who aren’t close as adults so I’m not sure how you see it panning out

I guess I wanted to show I care for her deep down as a sister. I saw this as a good opportunity to bond.

I think she would be okay but I don't want her to be uncomfortable.

Yes projecting.

You're right, I guess Im imagining we would be close eventually. I don't have any other siblings

Only every few weeks for the first few months?

Hardly seems worth it if they're cooking for themselves all the rest of the time.

I find it odd that you are planning to go out of your way for someone who doesn’t seem to like you.

And that she's too scared to ask if she actually wants any help.

Yeah i guess so, I think I'll just step back and see how things go initially. I can also ask closer to the time.

Good point

Im going to be honest. Your tone is very off towards her.
It feels like you are doing it more to prove a point then because you want to actually help