Do you need to respect your DP?

[Ophidos]

And what does this mean to you?

Surely it just means not being a twat to each other?

Seriously?

Yes, seriously

not like or love, but respect as in views, values, intelligence type stuff?

Why would you want to be with someone you don't respect?

Fun?

I couldn't be with a partner who I didn't respect or who didn't respect me.

If it’s just for ‘fun’ then they aren’t a partner. They are a bit of fun.

For me it's fundamental that I respect my partner and they respect me. Dating for fun is fine, but a relationship with depth requires more than that.

Are you just looking to "get your jollies" for fun@Ophidos but without the courtesy or consideration of treating another human with basic decency?

Interested to know your approach to your/a partner generally?

But even the guys I've seen just for fun, I needed to respect them. There are a lot of guys on OLD who don't get to meet me because it's difficult to respect them after what they come out with in conversation. I might not know the guys I've been on dates with very well, and it's possible I woukd lose respect with some as I got to know them, but it needs to be there as a starting point.

I think I’ve phrased this wrongly. I don’t mean to treat them with respect, of course I would and should

I mean have respect for their values, opinions, etc: not as in being mean to them and arguing but deep down

Yes. This is what I mean

Yes, because you will come to resent them when your relationship moves into a deeper phase. Fun is transitory.

Yeah because the idea of having sex with a man I had no respect for gives me the ick.

Maybe turn this around. Would you want to be with someone who disrespects your values and opinions? I wouldn't. Even if they didn't agree with them, I'd expect them to accept mine are different to theirs and respect that fact. If they can't then there's no relationship.

Interesting question OP. I think i know what you're getting at.

Firstly I think different people have different tick boxes for what earns their respect.

A lack of that respect over time will eat away at a relationship.

Yes, you do. And I think once that is gone, the relationship is dead in the water sadly. Been there more than once.

yes of course otherwise what sort of relationship would you have?

Yes, this is what I’m thinking.

I was musing on things like being hopeless with money (objectively speaking); how easily influenced someone is; are they entirely honest; are they a good parent; are they self motivated?

These kinds of things

It depends on the sort of relationship, too. I've had one night stands where I barely knew their name. FWBs where their financial affairs etc are none of my business, though we've had enough of the F side to talk about how their day went etc.

But if you're thinking about partner in terms of boyfriend/girlfriend, potentially moving in together/marriage - to be an actual partnership, you need to know about most things and at least be aligned in attitude, if not agreement, and you very definitely need respect.

As PP said: just for fun isn’t a partner. That’s a fling, dalliance, hookup, affair, situationship…

Yes, respect is necessary. Respect your partner to know his (or her, obviously…!) mind, respect his wishes, boundaries, judgement… Respect your DP’s value as a person.

And expect the same respect in return (which requires you to respect yourself).

I actually believe that respect is necessary for all kinds of relationships (friendships, romantic relationships, parent-child etc..)

Ive found that there needs to be something I admire about my partners. That could be a skill or talent they have, or the way they handle situations, or at its most basic level, their looks

Yes you absolutely do need to respect your DP, otherwise over time contempt and resentment will creep in.

If you are not on the same page on these things, having a serious relationship will be very difficult. Fine for FWB maybe but not more than that I’d say.

I think you have to respect and have similar values on the whole. I don’t think you have to respect every value and opinion they have though, but you do have to accept when they hold a different view to you if you want a good relationship, otherwise you’ll just constantly argue.