I absolutely hate having two children

[letshavepink]

Separately, they are great children and very enjoyable to be around and I love them. I’m a lovely mum to them individually.

Together they are fucking awful. They seem to bring out the absolute worst in one another, fizz one another up into unmanageable excitement and stupidity, have opposite tendencies and qualities (so one is charging ahead and one is lagging behind; one goes to bed later than I’d like but sleeps quite late in the morning while the other is the opposite) and generally are just thoroughly unpleasant to be around when sibling is present.

I’ve tried to address it of course but little if anything has changed.

Truthfully, I feel so unhappy and hate life as it is. I’m overwhelmed and fed up of noise, mess and shouting. My home is tumultuous and dysfunctional. I can’t give my best to either child and always end up resorting to anger because unfortunately the techniques pushed in books and websites have no impact on them whatsoever; they ignore them and me, and then I feel awful. I feel like we’re going to have a terrible relationship.

If you're talking about the sibling points, you set the boundaries of what's on offer to suit your time, energy levels and budget. Our 'days out' are trips to the library, playgrounds that aren't our usual local ones, trip to the beach etc. Nothing needs to cost more than you as the parent are willing to pay 🤷🏼‍♀️ We've been doing it a year and so far it's cost me 1 pancake breakfast, 2 desserts, 2 trips to the library and 1 kids in charge day where they wanted to stay in PJ's and watch dvds. Which, for the amount of reduction in arguments is in my opinion a blooming great investment. Cheaper than getting mummy anger therapy 😂

Why do people act like this is just young child, I have a 12 and 9 year old and they fight every day like cat and dog

I don’t know what you mean by points and that whole post confused me to be honest but never mind.

It isn’t even about fighting, to be honest. More mania.

@letshavepink Okie doke, was just trying to help. Hope it's a phase which passes naturally soon and you find some joy in your children during family time soon, can't be fun for any of you to be living like that.

I’m sure you were but I genuinely didn’t understand your post!

I've posted a few times. The first one explains the points, the second one went into more detail about the prizes.

Right, but my problem isn’t them fighting as I’ve explained in a few posts.

But I do understand now - my ‘that would be very expensive’ was in reply to the poster who suggested therapy, so sorry, we were cross posting. That was why I was so confused about the days out!

Honesty have a third!

I have a 5 yo a 2.5 yo and 1 yo. I think I just care a little bit less than other mums about achieving high standards.
I don’t put up with fighting. But I’m flexi on routine eg dinner is sometimes 4 sometimes 5 and sometimes 5:30!! 5 nights a week or so they will have a bath. Possibly 2 nights a week they put up a fight and I just say yup no bath. No one dies.

also my husband is shite so I do it all and I’ve just found ways of coping. If I’ve had a bad day it’s fish fingers for dinner and I do not feel guilt!

Better days ahead

My eldest kicked his brother during a game (he’s overly excitable and reactive) and knocked his brothers tooth out this evening. They’re 6&7 and bloody feral when they’re together- little one gets a buzz out of winding the older one up but then can’t handle the lashback. I could’ve written this post myself!!!

It gets better. Mine were two years apart and quite a handful up to about six. It just got easier after that. The fact that they get on well and buzz together is a good thing imo. It might be chaotic but it did in my case lead to them being very close even though they are different. They are now 28 and 30.

That's good

It took until my 2 were in late 20s/ early 30s to stop bloody arguing and they've lived hundreds of miles apart for the last 12 years

They ended up going to separate schools, seperate holiday camps and and separate to grandparents

It was ridiculous and I was so glad when eldest moved out due to thiis

Also has the silliness and wind each other up which was generally ignored until they started fighting

Came here to write the exact same thing. Thank you for the honesty OP, it helps those of deciding whether to have a 2nd (I'm 99% sure we're not going to). Obv no advice but hope it gets better for you.

I have this and it makes me sad. Esp as I am from a small, dysfunctional family, so my kids really only have each other.

Have your kids ever spoken about why they were like this?’

Yeah they just don't like each other lol

That’s really hard @Thechaseison71 . mine seem to like one another but if I’m totally honest I don’t like who they become around one another.

Have a third. Changes the dynamic completely.

Also just learn to card less 🤷

Are you separated with the father? Can you both have each to live with you

Mine liked each other till about 6 years old. Just used to wind and d hype each other up

Sorry - not sure it does get much better - that’s the bit I’m struggling with. Two boys here, 7 & 11 and they fight like tigers. Or snipe snipe snipe at one another. Over literally everything. It breaks me. And we have a small house. It’s horrid sometimes. I also dread the weekends TBH - there’s just no compromise, no peaceful enjoyment of any activity. I offer to take them out and they say no. They’re probably tired from school but honestly, it’s a slog. The older one shouts and swears.

I’ve painted them both in a horrible light - but they are, individually, lovely kids. Put them together and you get WW3 on steroids

This is what I struggle with - that apart they are lovely. It feels like life could have been so nice, you know?

I could have written this. I have two girls both
primary age and they get on really well but shout and scream and fight constantly too, and are just chaos together. individually they are both wonderful. I feel specifically that my eldest doesn’t get anywhere near enough time with me one to one,
And she needs more support and encouragement with school work which she isn’t getting as the younger one is requiring more hands on support (she still needs help with things like dressing, being sat with during bedtime etc). I’m so fed up of the dynamic but I’ve tried so many approaches and nothing works. I feel really fed up and find myself yearning for the teen years when both will be able to do more things for themselves without constantly drawing me into every minor interaction. But then I remember the whole bigger kids, bigger problems thing and wonder why I can’t just enjoy some of what I have now. But like you I’m so fed up with my life.

Yeah, I get it. Also I’m an only child, so I know how calm and ordered a one-child-two-adult household is. However, I witness their relationship up close and realise they do have something I’ll never have. Not just each other but a childhood on their terms. I didn’t really have a childhood, I was just expected to be a mini adult from the age of 6.