My dc’s friend has convinced him he’s invited to his party but no invitation and mum ignoring me and my dc at school run

[bermonths]

I will start by saying dc was quite nervous during his first years at primary and he only had two children he ever played with. He is now more relaxed and plays with everyone but considers two of the boys his friends and the rest just schoolmates. He has been overlooked for many parties because of not being very sociable and we have always explained it away with ‘it’s limited numbers and they are only having their best friends’ etc.

For the first time, one of the two boys he is closest to is having a party (9th birthday). The second boy in the group has talked about having received an invitation for the party. The birthday boy said they are both invited. We thought we might have been genuinely missed out (apparently it’s just in the park, not a venue) so I’ve told my ds to say we did not receive an invitation (text message) and can b-day boy make sure his mum knows. Birthday boy has reassured him my son is invited. He definitely is, apparently. This happened about a month ago. I don’t know when the party is - he’s august born- nor if we can even make it.
I’m sure the mum has my number and I do see her occasionally during the school run. We used to greet each other but I’ve noticed now she’s avoiding me/ blanking me.

Not sure if relevant, but when we invited this boy to my DC’s birthday he didn’t bring a card or anything. I didn’t make much of it at the time, but now I’m starting to think the mum just doesn’t want them to be friends. They are both lovely, quiet boys. They’ve never fallen apart. We are a nice family…

Just wondering would you just do nothing, let it play out however and hope dc doesn’t feel left out closer to time and it’s confirmed he’s not going… Or would you message the mum with something direct like ‘it’s ok if we’re not invited, but as your son has been saying we are, I wanted to double-check’..?

I think it being in a park changes things actually. It isn’t her park to have a party on and so I’d be tempted to just go regardless 🤷‍♀️

You will forever be known as THAT parent. Imagining crashing a birthday party you know you aren't invited to!

Don't be ridiculous. The parents will have catered for a set number, organised party bags for a set number and god know what else. Just because it's in a park, it doesn't mean there isn't some structure to it.

I stand by my suggested text upthread.

That doesn’t mean no one else can turn up to the park (or it shouldn’t!)

As far as I’m concerned he’s been invited.

But how embarrassing for him to 'turn up' to the park and not be invited to sit and eat with his friends nor receive a party bag.

It's terrible advice.

Sometimes you should resist temptations.

I think if you’re holding a party in a public place then that’s the risk, isn’t it? It isn’t their park to host a party on. The boy has been invited. Perhaps there aren’t formal invitations, who knows. But unless it’s a very casual ‘we’re in the park to celebrate Rory’s birthday at 11 this Saturday if anyone wants to join us’ I don’t see why it would be embarrassing to go to a public park.

For the reasons I just stated?

Turning up to the venue where your friends are invited to a party and you are not is terrible advice and likely to be embarrassing for everyone. Mostly for the uninvited guest. It's not just about running around the park is it? It's about being excluded from elements of the party that have been structured around the invited guests - food boxes/party bags/games/I don't know.

And worst case scenario, birthday boy having to approach uninvited boy in front of everyone and say "sorry, my mum says you aren't invited'

Do not go to the party without an invite. Sorry that won't end well.

Children are a nightmare for stuff like this, and every parent I know has sometimes had to do something hugely cringingly embarrassing to sort out their kids muddles at some point. But I think you’ll get more respect from her if you acknowledge the awkwardness.

Hi partymum, slightly awkward situation - DS keeps saying he is going to friend’s party in a few weeks. We haven’t had an invite so I assumed he wasn’t invited, but he says friend is absolutely adamant that you’ve texted me. It’s no stress either way - and I’m really embarrassed asking - but please do you mind confirming?

This is a bit much, I’d also blank you. The fact she texted one mum doesn’t mean all invites habe went out. And it’s not till Aug. It’s only may.

I mean this gently but you’re also displaying anxiety here. And over thinking friendships.

the normal reaction would be thays great babes you’re invited, am sure the invite will come closer to the time. Move on. No further discussion. Instead you’re really heavily over thinking it in may.

But then you aren't at the party. You are in a park.

Indeed. Perhaps more accurately I should have said that I’d just be inclined to go to the park on that day, but you can’t hold a party somewhere like a park and expect others just to stay away.

Can you really not understand why that's a terrible idea?

TBH I would take control of the situation. I wouldn’t be approaching parents and asking or telling them anything. Clearly the DS hasn’t been invited, and this boy constantly telling him that he’s been invited sounds more like him winding him up for disappointment rather than anything else.

So I would just put my foot down at this point and tell him he’s not going and that’s the end of it.

Take the control away from them. Make the rule on your terms and then no-one has anywhere to go.

The day going to a public park with my children is a terrible idea is the day I say fuck that quite honestly. Who died and made this parent queen of the park!?

It’s odd he (the other kid) didn’t even give a card.

Maybe she's ignoring you because she thinks she's invited your son and you haven't replied. Or maybe she isn't deliberately ignoring you at all. Definitely send a message as suggested by others

But that’s not what you would be doing. You would not be deliberately staying away from a park. You would be deliberately go8mg to a park. Nobody is expecting people to stay away from a park because someone is having a party in it.

But why would you want to put your child in a position where they are in a place where a party is being help that they are not invited to?

Like Tiny Tim Cratchitt.

Must have missed the bit in A Christmas Carol where Tiny Tim turns up to a party he’s not invited to.

If my child came home and said ‘Oliver’s having a party in the park and he’s invited me’ I’d take that as an invitation, rightly or wrongly. I wouldn’t expect formal invitations for an informal gathering. That’s evidently where I’m differing in my view to the majority here.

You are going to have to put on your big girl pants and ask MUM

With in person at school or via text

Something simple and breathe like hi Bob told my son he invited to his birthday party can you give me some details please? Many thanks.