Should I return to work full time?

[LilyLilacanna]

I went part time from my job when my son was born 5 years ago. Before I went off, I found my work overwhelming and was beginning to struggle with stress.
i had always said I would go back to work full time when my son went to school as financially it made sense.
my son is now at school and I really enjoy the work life balance of being part time. My husband got a promotion at work so he making more money now but he always said more money would take the pressure off him and make life a easier.
i find even when I do extra work for my job at home on my days off, everything in my house goes to pot - washing, cleaning, hoovering etc.

I’ve been asked if I want to return to my job full time - a kind of now or never offer and I don’t know what to do.
i know if I speak to my husband he will say do it but he doesn’t know what my work is like and how stressful it can be.
my parents want me to go back as they said it’s not good for my pension to keep working part time.
in my heart I am happier and calmer working part time and I can be more present for my son.

i don’t know what to do :(

I went to 4 days after mat leave - I asked for 3 but it wouldn’t have really worked for my role so we agreed 4 and I’ve been doing that for nearly 3 years now. DS is due to start school in sept and I am keeping the same pattern to get some me time and to do childcare that day in school holidays. Is increasing to 4 days an option?

I’ll get shot down but unless you need the money I wouldn’t. Those years are precious. When they’re gone they’re gone. My two are nearly out the door now as late teens but I have such happy memories of the lovely time I had with them. Also surely teaching is an in demand skill someone need to worry about career progression? Not a teacher but a family member took 5 years off and was fighting off job offers on her return.

So your DH won’t really step up then as he is away every other week? I would do this on the understanding that you have a cleaner each week and possibly a gardener. It’s great balancing the load financially but it has to go hand in hand domestically as well otherwise you’ll just end up doing it all.

I’m normally in favour of full time working but the fact you’re a teacher and your DH is away every other week I’d say no way. Stay pt till your ds is more self sufficient (age 10ish).

Helps where he can...

Yeah, no way should you go fulltime unless it is absolutely essential, and then he needs to do 100% on the weeks he is home.

He can't have it both ways. If he wants you earning more, he need to do his share at home.

Supply teaching if you have capacity any weeks (maybe when he's there to pick up the slack) may be an option...but only if there is genuine capacity which seems limited atm.

Surely it’s better for son to have an engaged father and grow up without a gender imbalance.

sorry to pick on you specifically @Bristolandlazy as many have done int this thread but the level of assumption is surely everything that’s wrong with the world

I worked 2.5 days from when my 16yr old was 9months until last year where I’ve went to 5 days in a school (school hours) and my youngest only has to attend breakfast club…
I’d never have done more set hours (picked up the odd o/t in my old office job) but the balance I had was ideal as kept on top of life/house etc. I now find being out 5 days means my house has gone to s**t BUT I adore my job, I love being home daily at pick up time and my 16yo has gained too as I can now ferry him around a bit more.
there is no way I’d go F/T when my husband works away 2/4!
once your child attends clubs etc it’s wild how much you’re not at home.

Totally agree

Have a look at the waiting lists for breakfast club and after-school before making any decisions, you might find there are no spaces.

wtf

Thanks all.

I had a good chat with my husband tonight and he was actually very supportive. He said money is money and to comes and goes and yes it would be nice to have more but it would be nice to have a lot of things and we are comfortable.
He said it is up to me and to do what I think is best and he knows most of the financial burden is on him however he acknowledged that most of the domestic duties and childcare is on my plate.

I feel so much better having spoke to him about it as I was convinced he would say go back.

As soon as you said you were a teacher I had to come here and say “don’t do it”
Part time work in school is like gold dust.
The job is exhausting.
If you need to top up the money you can always do some tutor work on the side.
Your pension still accrues well on 3x days.
Glad to hear your DH is supportive of you keeping the current situation.
Love from an old worn out ex p/t teacher xx

Go back to work, it's important for your pension and to save. You can always hire a cleaner, send your husband shirts out to be laundered and ironed.

Wow I could have written this myself. I am also torn about returning to work full time when our DS starts school in August. I'm currently 3 days. It has been the perfect balance but, like you, I am worried about my pension contributions. Considering some additional contributions or a lifetime ISA to top up. Finances aren't too much of a worry as we are generally careful with money and not bad at saving if we put our minds to it. On the other hand, like others have said, these years are precious... I would feel I'm missing out on so much time with DS as my job is an hour commute each way, 9-5. It's so hard. I hope you figure out the best thing for your family, just came to show solidarity - it's never a simple decision 💐

OP, it’s a tough one. I only returned to work, for my child. The plan was to stay home with her until she started pre-school (private school) and then go back to work part time and when she went to high school (boarder) to return full time.

I had enough money to last until she got to university but then thought of all the extras…her hobbies, her drivers lisence her being debit free after university and her mortgage so ended up going back sooner! I liked my job and it kept me focused which is a little different from you as having to work on the weekends would be eat into any time with your son. You sound like you have the balance that works for you all round. Just remind hubby, once you go back to work full it will be 50/50 on chores and childcare and for the £1000 he needs to decide if he is willing to give up the spare time he invariably gets whilst you do the housework and child care…

Go back full time & make sure husband starts doing 50% of everything.

As soon as I read you were a teacher I vote no. Your husband won’t understand- but 3 days in teaching as a mum might be the difference between you being able to stay in the profession or burning out. I’ve gone from 3 days to 5 and I would describe it as feeling relatively on top of my life to akin to drowning each and every day, desperately gasping for mouthfuls of air between tasks.

Full time teaching and parenting young children is absolutely not for the faint hearted. If you’re not 100% in and you don’t need the money, take it from me: don’t do it. Unfortunately you will get lots of comments from people who don’t work in the profession and don’t understand.

Once you'd said its teaching I'd say stay as you are. The pension will be OK but your work life balance and quality of life probably won't if you go back full-time. I know I'm a better mum and a better teacher staying part time. You could try taking the 45ths option on the career average pension, so your pension accrues faster, if you can spare the money now to have more later.

Also just read that your husband is away every other week- as a teacher, absolutely do not go back full time.

How will you manage after school club picks ups with your husband away? It’s a miserable life picking them up at 6pm+ every evening in winter and being the sole carer. Take it from someone who also has a husband who works away and who’s been there!

I'm a teacher and I would never go back full time. I wouldn't have a life. It's easy for people to say 'manage your time' but if you're a half decent teacher you will never remove the guilt of not doing enough.

If you need more money, pick up some evening or weekend tutoring. It can pay well and can be an extra few hundred a month. It's far less stressful than picking up full responsibility of a class. That to me was one of the biggest sources of stress.

Remember the family member who took 5 years out and went back had teacher colleagues who worked full time throughout their kids childhood and actually regretted it. Yes they were in a slightly better financial position but really?! Teaching is good in the way you can step out and step back which can be harder in other jobs.

I work as a nurse and I went back 24 hours (2 days per week) rather than 37.5 and I worked odd extra shift. I found it worked well. When my daughter started school I increased my hours to 30 hours and it’s been a hard balance…. School runs, house work etc and not seeing my daughter for sometimes 2 full days in a row each week.
Im now going back to 24 hours over 3 days and working the odd extra shift now she is nearly 7.

The relief I’m feeling is massive.
yes my pension is less, I am named on my husbands pension. Yes I am loosing £400 basic salary per month…but stress and sanity and work/life balance is key!

my husband has a less stressful job where he can work from home, he has epilepsy so cannot drive for school runs etc so it balances out!

i say you’ve made the right decision OP

I know teaching is a really demanding job but it’s shocking really that some teachers accept that they will just have to put up with earning 3 fifths of the salary and knocking tons off their pension just to cope. It feels like they’re accepting that they will do the equivalent of a full time job for a fraction of the pay. The profession clearly needs major reform. It’s so wrong and if it weren’t such a female dominated profession, I doubt employees would tolerate it

Trust your gut and do what is right for you and your family, not other people.

As a fellow teacher who has been working part time 3 days a week longer than full time, I would say stick to part time if you can afford it. There is no price on your mental health and well being and a good work/life balance is worth losing a bit on your pension imho. Especially as you are in teaching, where burnout rates are very high 😉