A very worried mom

[afraidandconcerned1612]

Not been able to contact my 20yo dc for over a month. Messages ignored/ unread, not answering calls.

They are at university. I have no contacts for their friends and I'm no contact with family who have blocked me. I don't want to go into details as its taken its toll on my MH and relationships with the wider family.
I just want to know they are safe. I'm reluctant to call the police as if I do it will really rock the boat. They live 200 miles from home.
I'm worried that they have got themselves into another bad romantic relationship or have a worsening eating disorder

Should I contact the Universities welfare department?
This situation needs to be handled with kid gloves. I'm not going to go into too much details as this could be outing for them as well as myself.

I agree. It may be that OP feels there is no good or fair reason to have gone No Contact but the DC thinks it is justified.

Do they not have SM?

Can you not see if they’ve posted anything within the last month?

I would be very careful about going to knock on their door etc.
It sounds like they don’t want to talk to you and this could make it worse.

If I was you and you’ve tried everything else, I’d message a family member who I knew would be in contact with them and say that you’ve not heard from them in a month and that it’s fine if they don’t want to talk to you but if they have also not heard anything then to please check on them.

They probably won’t tell you anything but at least you’ll know your DC is being checked up on.

OP can't message family members because she's blocked by them all.

This.

Try not to worry this week. I know it’s hard but write down your thoughts and feelings now so you can be prepared for next week. Let’s hope your DD wants to see you next week. If anything happens meantime, well it happens. Deal with that as and when.

I missed that thank you.

I assume the family members are in contact regularly with the DC and so they’d already be concerned if she hasn’t contacted them for a month either.

Lot of people in this thread acting like your child reaching early adulthood should flip a switch in your heart and make you happy to accept not knowing if they're safe and well or not. It's such bullshit and if the shoe was on the other foot they'd all be worried sick too, they're just too spiteful to admit it.

OP, you're not wrong to feel concerned and I'd do the same as you in this situation.

Have you posted on here about this before, perhaps under a different name? This sounds familiar.

Lot of people in this thread acting like your child reaching early adulthood should flip a switch in your heart and make you happy to accept not knowing if they're safe and well or not.

Not one single person has said that.

No one has said that OP should be happy. People have suggested a welfare check and others have suggested going there in person to check on her.

If it is a case that the child just doesn't want contact with her mother then OP has to accept it. There is nothing she can do about it.

Without more information from the OP we can't really say which it is but as OP does not want the police to do a welfare check, we have to assume it's the latter.

I know you mean well and I understand why you would do this but you really should not have done this. You’re not even supposed to confirm that the DC are students there. A colleague of mine once spoke to an estranged parent who turned up in the department to try and see their child and it was treated as a very serious breach of GDPR.