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The weights room

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Stronger than my dh. Feel weird about it.

4 replies

Digitalhen · 10/04/2023 19:54

I’ve been lifting weights with a PT 3/4x a week for a year at a specialist weight lifting gym. I do CrossFit style sessions but mostly heavy weights and some HIT thrown in. I love it so much, I could hardly lift an empty barbell a year ago now can deadlift 100kg, bench press 55kg, back squat 70-90kg etc. At first I wanted to loose weight, now don’t think about it at all, just want to get stronger and it’s such a buzz to meet my goals and go beyond them. So my dh doesn’t do any exercise other than walk. Occasionally he will go to a different local gym but only to use the treadmill. I went with him for the first time ever recently and he was game enough to do weights with me. I was shocked to see him struggle with weights that were 20% less than what I lift, and to be out of breathe easily or quiver when squatting etc with the effort. I just felt decidedly odd to be stronger than him. I don’t know what I expected tbh, because he doesn’t train. I guess I just assumed he’d still be stronger!

Partly I feel less feminine or something. Partly annoyed by this line of thinking because he could be way stronger if he wanted and I’m not going to change, I love being strong. Also he wasn’t bothered exactly, mostly just laughed which is good, though seemed a little embarrassed. I also feel a little bit like perhaps he thinks I’m less feminine (we’ve been together 20+ yrs so Im not insecure just kind of sheepish). I’m mostly just proud too because I’ve never ever been good at anything physical and never thought I’d enjoy going to a gym.

Would it bother you to be stronger than your partner? It does me a little because I guess I’m fairly traditional in some ways and want to have this ‘strong’ protective man around 😅🙄🙄

OP posts:
Comedycook · 10/04/2023 19:56

I can see why you feel weird.

MaireadMcSweeney · 10/04/2023 19:56

No!! Be proud of yourself. I can squat and leg press more than my DH but he can do pull ups and cycle 5 miles in 20 minutes which I can't do!
I guess if my DH was really out of condition and weak I wouldn't be pleased but it would be nothing to do with me being stronger than him.

RayKray · 11/04/2023 19:03

I'm stronger than my husband and it's great. He's better at things he enjoys than me. I've arm wrestled him (and won) and lifted him up. Not really entered my head to be bothered by it, he's not into lifting so I wouldn't expect him to be better than me at it. He's better at the sport he trains for than me.

TookTheBook · 16/04/2023 21:12

Same here. I weigh more than DH too (not obvious by looking at us, he is taller and has less muscle!).

I think the important thing is to keep exercising and lifting for yourself. No comparisons. Well done on your amazing progress, it took me years to get to where you are (my numbers are similar!)

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