I've changed name here but I am regular poster and have already posted on this thread.
I've been thinking about this quite a lot lately though I didn't for many many years and only now started to put 2 and 2 together but I am not sure if I may be making 5.
It's a series of things:
My mum comes from a big family and she is one of the oldest - her youngest brother is only a couple of years older than my brother. He was youngest by quite a way though. According to my mum he was spoiled and indulged. By the time I was born, uncle would have been about 14/15 and I only remember him from him being a young adult.
On one occasion I recall being with Uncles girlfriend at the time and being in a completely empty house. She took me upstairs into an empty room and told me to stay there and warned me not to leave or move. I stood and stared out the window - it was autumn, I watched the leaves on the trees for what seemed like hours, all I remember is then leaving. I think I would be maybe about 6 or 7 at the time. I have no idea where I was or why I was with this woman who I barely knew.
Another occasion I was at my grandparents with my mum, I don't think I could have been at school yet as it was only me and her. Uncle mostly still stayed at home with them. Anyway for some reason I wanted to stay overnight and it was agreed that I could. After dinner, Uncle came home and suddenly I didn't want to stay anymore. He offered to drive me home as my mum had already left - he had some friends with him. He drove me and we got home before my Mum who must have still been on the bus. House was never locked. When my mum came home I was hiding under the table.
A few years later and Uncle is now married to a woman with 2 kids (girl about a year younger than me and a boy a couple of years younger. he also has a baby son - he has more children after this. He is cruel to stepchildren, making them sit at the table and eat food they can't eat - like gristle until they are sick and then sending them to bed type of thing - think he beats his wife too. Once I am meant to be staying with them and for some reason (protection?) we end up all going along to stay with Grandad instead, by this time gran has passed away. When we are up in bed, step cousin says to me - "no matter what happens, pretend you are sleeping" I took it to mean that if we heard fighting but in retrospect that wasn't what she meant.
When I was in my late teens we sort of drifted away from Uncle and family. Some years later there is a scandal as Uncle is done for molesting and sexually assaulting young girls including my step cousin and one of his own daughters
I really don't know now whether I was abused by him or not - I think I might have been, I have some "ishoos" mainly around oral sex. I also was quite scared in general and didn't lose my virginity until nearly 30 and I found that pretty traumatic even though I did love my partner and wanted it to happen, he didn't force me. The few photos that exist of him do give me the creeps. So, whether I was scared of him because of what he was doing or whether I was just scared of him before he did anything or maybe he did nothing and I was still scared of him, who knows.
having never thought of these situations for years, not even when scandal hit, I find myself now going over and over them in my head and now I seem to recall him coming into the bedroom that night at Grandad's but I really don't know if I am making it up as I've added 2 and 2 together and made 5.