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Original poster

Saying Goodbye

67 replies

Just12345 · 06/10/2023 17:47

I'm a regular but I've name changed because I'm just to sad to talk about this in real life and know friends are on here.

After 27 years together I've booked the vet for next week for us to say goodbye and I guess I'm posting for re assurance.

He's 38 years old and I've had him since I was 11 and I always promised myself better one day to early than a day to late but now I've made the call it feels just so hard .

I just don't want him to try another winter I'm worried he will get down and not be able to get up and I'm worried this winter will be horrendous weather wise, he can't eat hay anymore so grass and hard feed is all that keeps him going and he needs to live out 24/7 . Last year he lost so much condition and it's come back over summer but I thought that a lovely day with the sun on his back and a healthy shine was better than a wet winter day. A few weeks ago I noticed he found the farrier painful holding his legs up and he's really started to slow down as he moves around.

I love him so much . He's not Ill. In fact he looks well at the moment and seeing him everyday is putting doubts into my mind.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for from this post but it feels so nice to write down my worries because I can't face talking about it .

The vets have been amazing and agreed with me when I booked it but goodness me this is the hardest choice.

Has anyone else with a golden oldie been through similar

OP posts:
UpUpUpU · 06/10/2023 17:49

It sounds like the right think to do and at the perfect time. Your love for your pony shines through. Big hugs x

newhere24 · 06/10/2023 17:52

You are doing the right thing. You are acting in his interest, not yours, and that is the biggest gift you can give to any animal. It is incredibly hard though. He is very lucky to have you!

RandomMess · 06/10/2023 17:55
Flowers

It's the right time, heartbreaking for you but it is time. Big hugs x x x x

MyAnacondaMight · 06/10/2023 18:14

Letting them go with dignity, at a proud age, after a good summer, is the best possible end we can give them.

It’s heartbreaking but you’re doing the right thing. Flowers

SpottyBumPony · 06/10/2023 18:20

Your doing the most responsible thing a horse owner can do. You're very brave x

EeesandWhizz · 06/10/2023 19:02

Absolutely the right thing to do. Don't listen to anyone that says otherwise. October is the perfect time in my opinion, tummy full of summer grass and sunshine.

Better a week too early than a day too late.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 06/10/2023 19:22

38 is a great age and testament to your care.
I’d 100% rather be thinking “oh could I have got them to Christmas/mums birthday etc” after putting them to sleep while they are still in a decent way than end up in a situation where I’m panic calling emergency vets at 2am on a Sunday as they’ve really gone downhill.
you’re doing the right thing.

BangaloreLulu · 07/10/2023 21:44

Your love and respect for him shines out from your post, and you have clearly given this a great deal of careful and wise consideration. After 27 years of giving you his everything, there is nothing he deserves more than to go to higher pastures in peace, comfort and with dignity, and if this is something you can arrange, then I think it is most definitely the right thing to do. I always have the same 'mantra' in the back of my mind about better a day too soon, and as incredibly tough as those last kisses and final goodbyes are, it will be a great kindness for him not to live longer enough that he struggles in ways you already recognise could befall him.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 07/10/2023 21:46

My heart breaks for you. But whatever you do will the best for your horse.

Unfortun8 · 07/10/2023 21:54

We had exactly the same situation here with one of our oldies this year. We knew it was coming some time before autumn as this was 'one last summer' for her. She was losing weight, unable to eat hay, so just bucket feeds keeping her going really, when the farrier was unable to lift her back legs we called it time. The wait for the vet was the worst thing ever, but the day after we all felt a great relief. It was the right call. You're doing a kind thing.

Original poster
Just12345 · 09/10/2023 07:15

Thanks all. I really appreciate all of the messages.

I told someone I expected to be fully supportive who questioned me heavily on why I wouldn't try another winter yesterday and it just made me feel so guilty.

OP posts:
Unfortun8 · 09/10/2023 07:26

The problem with trying another winter is that it can be a winter too far for the horse. We had one here who went down with colic in the field last winter. Vet took two hours to get here and by the time she came the horse had died. The disposal van came and got stuck in deep mud, so it took another 3 hours for a tractor to come and tow it out. It was a horrendous day. A bucket of apples and loved ones with your horse is a kind ending. Thinking of you x

Sandpitnotmoshpit · 09/10/2023 07:32

My mum made this decision about a month ago about her horse (originally mine as a teenager - I'm late 30s!). It was heartbreaking but she had the similar worries to you. He wasn't as old but an arthritic cob and there was always the worry he would get down in the field and just not get back up again, and then there would be the awful situation of having to put down there and then. We all said goodbye to him and she got to choose the day, prepare etc. She misses him greatly but it was the kind thing to do. Her lovely vet had a long chat with her about it which I think gave her "permission" - I had been encouraging her to be proactive about it for a while as I once saw an old pony be put to sleep in quite grim circumstances.

Its really better not to get into a situation where they are struggling over winter. The person made those remarks to you was insensitive.

elastamum · 09/10/2023 07:45

I let my old girl go a few weeks ago. She had bad arthritis in her hock and then damaged her other back leg getting up. My lovely vet said she thought it was time. She went peacefully in her paddock eating carrots in the sun. I sat with her for an hour until they picked her up. It's hard but you are doing absolutely the right thing.

Bemyclementine · 09/10/2023 10:48

Gosh it's such a difficult decision, but i think its the right one.

One of mine is 34, and although she doesn't look it (little fattie) this past year I have definitely noticed her slowing down. love e her so much, I'd hate for her to go in an emergency situation.

A problem I have is my field owner is a "keep them going at all costs" person. Its hard enough to make the decision without others questioning you.

Aylestone · 09/10/2023 10:57

You tried last winter and he lost a huge amount of condition that you’ve had to spend all summer bringing back up. He’s struggling to eat and his legs are painful. He might look ok now but somethings telling you that it’s not going to last. Listen to your instincts. He’s had a happy and extremely long life. Imagine him going down this winter and being stuck in the cold mud and in pain, and you’re kicking yourself that you allowed someone to make you doubt your decision. You clearly love him so don’t think you’re doing him a disservice by letting him go just a little bit ‘too soon’, when the alternative is waiting until he’s clearly really suffering. It’s sadly very obvious that it’s all downhill for him from here xx

Pleasedontdothat · 09/10/2023 13:45

My horse’s companion is being PTS this week - it’s not an immediate welfare concern but he’s on borrowed time with his back legs and keeps picking up soft tissue injuries and abscesses. It’s hard because he’s currently on 4 bute a day to tide him over after the last injury so right now he’s not looking too bad but his owner doesn’t want him to go down and not be able to get back up again and at some point in the fairly near future that’s highly likely to happen. It’s so hard but you’re doing the right thing for him.

plominoagain · 09/10/2023 15:15

I have a 43 year old welshie . She does exactly what she pleases , because , well , she's 43. . She can be an absolute PITA . She still can't be left alone in a field - the last time we lost my big horse , she jumped a double row of post and rail and went to visit my neighbours horses . She's impatient , bashes the door to go out , and shouts at the gates to come in . She takes off out of the yard in the morning from a standing start , and woe betide anyone who gets in the way .

She hasn't got a huge amount of teeth left , but does very well off of various mashes . But , I'm very aware of her age . I take her foibles as a sign of her health , and the moment she starts losing the sparkle in her eye , then I too will know it's time . I've had to do it a number of times , and I find that you know when you know . We make the choice because we love them , not because we don't . It's not an easy decision to make , but not once have I ever regretted making it .

Bemyclementine · 09/10/2023 16:45

@plominoagain oh dear god, my 34 Yr old does as she pleases because she's 34. She's been doing as she pleases for about 10 yrs. They're not stupid are they??

Wineisnottheanswer · 09/10/2023 16:50

I booked mine in this morning. I have had her 20 years. She has always been a good doer but lost a lot of weight last winter. I just don’t want an emergency with her down and unable to get up. I almost wavered as she has put weight back on over summer but know this is the right thing.

Mollyplop999 · 09/10/2023 17:00

How fortunate is your horse to have had such a lovely life with you, when so many do not. I dread the day that I have to make the decision but I hope I'm as wise as you when the time comes.

user1471505494 · 11/10/2023 12:07

I’ve been in your position a few times. You Are 100% doing the right thing for your beloved family friend. It will start to feel a little easier once your pony has actually gone. Gradually the majority of your memories will be of happy occasions you shared rather than the actual loss

Original poster
Just12345 · 11/10/2023 15:10

Thank you again for all the support everyone.

I just wonder for anyone in the situation previous if you could help me on what to expect

I haven't actually had one put to sleep before. I lost my mare when I wasn't there.

I will absolutely be there next week but last night I couldn't stop thinking it over and it was horrid.

I have gone for the injection with plenty of sedation first. Will he fall quickly? I am starting to feel really worried about the process .

OP posts:
elastamum · 11/10/2023 17:07

Happy to share my experience. My girl had sedation and then injection. We did it in her paddock. I was feeding her carrots when she had the first injection, a large dose of sedation. She carried on munching until it took effect and she slowly stopped and dropped her head. Vet then gave her a second dose which stops the heart. She then went down on her side and was gone in a few minutes. She stopped breathing and her heart stopped and it took a couple of minutes for her reflexes to go. I kept talking to her and stroking her head. It was peaceful and calm. I sat with her for an hour until she was picked up. It can be upsetting when they fall, but they are very heavily sedated so not distressed. I genuinely feel we did the best thing we could. She was happy and calm to the end. Hope this helps you.

alloalloallo · 11/10/2023 17:24

I’m so sorry. I lost my old girl in February after her arthritis got the better of her. A few people questioned me too and it upset me at the time. I know I made the right decision though.

People kept telling me she’d let me know when she’d had enough and I never really believed it. But she did.

We were expecting a nightmare tbh as she was super bonded to DD’s pony but it was fine

We chose the injection. The vet shaved a small patch of skin on her neck and inserted a cannula while she was still in her stable. She barely lifted her face from her haynet.

It was a beautiful sunny day. Walked her out to her field with my DD’s pony who quietly grazed a little way away. Gave her a bucket full of her favourite treats while the vet gave her the injection. The vet got me to move back slightly while she guided my old girl down and then I could go back to sit with her. She was gone before she hit the ground to be honest.

The worst bit was when the fallen stockman came to pick her up. I scarpered for that bit.