A horsey dilemma

[Jknow]

I have an amazing pony (14.2hh sports cob) who is 24 years old. Generally in good health and looks amazing for her age. Has coffin joint arthritis which is medicated once a year and a couple of wobbly teeth which the vet is coming to look at next week.

I bought her for my daughter who is now 12, and has ASD, about 18 months ago. She’d had her own ponies since she was 2 and loads of lessons. Back then my daughter was hopelessly nervous, but when we got this pony her riding came on in leaps and bounds. She went from being scared to jump a cross pole to competing at 80 within a few months, and was in the pony club teams.

I can’t tell you how much I love that old pony. She really is one in a million, and she’s had a fantastic past, competing at pony club national events, there’s even an article about her in horse and hound! And what she’s done for my daughter’s confidence is incredible.

However, I’m very aware that the pony isn’t getting any younger. She’s just been to camp and I can see it was maybe a bit much for her this year (the heat didn’t help). I’ve been careful not to let my daughter hammer her (she’s only usually jumped once a week at the most and only on a soft surface), but I think it’s time to slow it down now and let her bimble around on hacks and enjoy a semi retirement. She’s still fit, sound and full of beans but I think it’s time to say her pony club days are over.

So this is my dilemma. I’m a single parent and sacrifice every spare penny I have to keep the pony and let my daughter do the thing she loves. I can’t afford to keep another pony/horse, especially with everything going up in price. And now my daughter is in the situation where she wants to go on and do more but it just wouldn’t be fair to expect that of the pony.

So my options are:

1. tell my daughter it’s tough shit and it’s hacking only from now on (I think she’d lose interest very quickly if that was the case, although I can ride the pony so not the end of the world).

2. put the pony out on loan IF I could find the right home. But to add to the complications there, the pony is a bit of a tricky character and we really had to win her over with lots of love and kindness. Now she trusts us she’s fine, and actually really cuddly and cute. She obviously found going to yet another home at 23 very stressful - honestly for the first few months she’d try to flatten us whenever we went near her, but you wouldn’t believe that now. She’s so settled and content now. So I don’t think it would be very fair to put her through that again, and obviously there’s so many loan horror stories out there.

3. have the pony put to sleep - I know many would if the horse was at the end of their useful life, but I just couldn’t. I feel like she’s given so much to so many people over the years and just shooting her because she can’t do that any more is a no from me.

All of the options are shit, and yes of course I knew what I was getting into when I bought an old pony last spring, but after a few confidence-knockers my daughter really needed a pony like her. And they are very hard to find.

WWYD?

Not sure what to suggest but I imagine she's still fit and sound because she's in full time work. Pony club camp weather was awful last week and ponies were dropping like flies so maybe not make a decision based on the heat week alone. Wise to look to the future though. Maybe take up dressage or veteran showing?

Either 1 or 2
3 would be very selfish if she has no health issues

If she is pretty safe, I'm sure you would loan her easily. Just make sure the people taking her on are aware of her issues and will be patient. You never know with horses, she might love the new yard set up and be fine straight off.
The only issue would be that you have to be prepared for her to come bouncing back at some point which financially might be an issue.

She is also a useful size and sort as a companion pony. You might find a good home that way. Just be cautious and retain ownership or someone will buy her for peanuts and you will see her in a dealers yard in 24 hours.

I feel your pain, I have two similar age giant pets !

Keep the horse. Don't let her be passed from pillar to post when she has been so good to you. It's the only way you can make sure she isn't hammered somewhere else.
Is there anyone on your yard who would like to hack her a couple of days a week? I.e get a sharer ( not a loaner moving her to a new yard). At 14.2 doesn't have to be a child, plenty of adults would be able to ride her.

Yes I'd look for a sharer or a full loan to stay on current yard - not having to move will do a lot to minimize the stress for her and she'll be under your eye so you can be reassured she's being well looked after. If she's a safe hack and up to a bit of light schooling then I bet you'll find a taker - then the question will be whether you risk buying another for your DD or less risky, get a loan/share for her so you can end the arrangement quickly if needed. The issue is at 23 your pony could go on in light work for 10 years or need to be fully retired within the year, it's hard to predict, so you'll need to think what you'll do once her working days are over especially if you've bought a new horse, is retirement livery an option financially at all? It can be a lot cheaper than regular livery and some very nice looking places available?

I’m not really just basing this on the last week, there’s been signs for a while that she’s slowing down a bit, but because she’s the pony she is she still tries her heart out. She’s done a lot of eventing including BE so does do a half decent test, but dressage holds no appeal to my daughter at all 🤣. And I’m not sure lots of schooling would be great for her joints. As for showing, she’s the most peculiar looking pony you’ve ever seen, she has a head like a bucket, she’s pigeon toed and has flare ups of mallanders so don’t think showing would be for her.

Yes the potential for her to suddenly come back from being loaned is a worry, especially as I don’t have my own place to keep her so would need to find a livery space out of the blue, which isn’t easy around here. She’d be useless as a companion unless it was to keep another non ridden horse company as she loses her mind if other horses go away from her when she’s turned out or stabled. Fine if she was on her own to begin with, but can’t cope with others being there and then going.

Getting a sharer wouldn’t really help as I’d only be able to ask for a donation of maybe £20 a week…and my livery alone is £180 a month, and that’s before bedding, hay, food, supplements, shoes etc etc etc. So I still wouldn’t be able to afford to keep another horse as well as her.

@maxelly I’ve looked into retirement livery but haven’t found one for less than £400 a month, which I couldn’t afford. And I don’t think she’s really ready to completely retire, she loves hacking and I think she’d go downhill fast if she was no longer ridden.

She sounds wonderful. I'd be inclined to explore the loan option I think.

@Bemyclementine she is incredible, she’s the kindest old pony in the world. A couple of weeks ago my daughter decided to go around the gallops bareback, with her arms outstretched to the sides, so no reins either, and the pony just did a slow and steady canter all the way around. And she really is bombproof in any situation. I absolutely adore her. If it was just me, I’d keep her until the end of her days and shower her with love. But by doing that I’m basically taking my daughter’s hobby away from her. And she’s doing so well, thanks to the pony, they’ve been in area teams and it’s given her a real sense of achievement.

It’s a tricky one. I need a lottery win, fast 🤣.

Could you part loan current pony to someone happy to bimble around and put the money gained from that into part loaning something a bit livelier for your daughter?
That way you could keep her lovely current pony and let her have a few days a week to do some harder stuff.

That’s actually not a bad plan, if I could find a nice horse/pony to part loan. Only problem is that the hacking from my yard is pretty crap. There’s basically the long hack, or the short hack. Both involve just roadwork. There’s some amazing hacking not far away which we box up to regularly, but that wouldn’t be much good for a sharer who wouldn’t have the transport to get there.

And moving yards isn’t an option, the one I’m at is the only one which is relatively close and fits in with work etc, and they also offer turnout all year round which is a must for the old pony. I also have a good arrangement with sharing chores with someone who is there and has bought a pony from me, and our ponies are very bonded and live together when turned out.

1 or the part Lon option. You bought an older pony knowing full well this would happen soon probably at a significant discount from buying the same type of horse as a ten year old…
Having her PTS just so you can buy something else is awful and I’m not usually that emotive about these things

We had a few ppl with pony's in a similar position at a livery yard I was once on (I have my own yard at home now )

They used to have 2/3 sharers to one pony with allocated days all the shares were either younger girls/boys that had weekly riding lessons from a local riding school but got a bit better but wanted more from a pony like grooming/ tacking up / learning how to muck out they would also have riding lesson with pony too from a local instructor these young sharers use to come with either mum or dad would this be a possibility

Pony sounds lovely I would have pony here in a heartbeat if you ever thought about putting to sleep it would be such a shame too after all they give great pony's are like gold dust around here too

There are some really lovely loan homes out there I used to loan too in the past I just at the time could not afford the outlay of a horse but could afford the upkeep what with them being priced really high at the mo . At the time I was vetted with regards everything and any potential genuine loaner would be more than happy with this I also signed a contract too with the terms and conditions of loan

Where in the U.K. are you?

Is loan/80% share at existing yard an option? Sounds like the sort of confidence giving pony I’d love for my daughter so I’m sure you’ll find someone.

I would keep her. Sorry but I wouldn't put a 24 year old out to loan.

You will be modelling good ethics to your daughter.

You ride her and your daughter would temporarily perhaps have to return to riding school lessons or a part share if you make lots of economies. I know it's not easy when you are trying to do the right thing by your horse and your daughter but there's a right and wrong way to do things, and as you say, you only bought this horse 18 months a go so this situation was always going to be on the cards.

Could you look for retirement home for her or loan her out as a companion horse for someone. The problem with a loaner is kids will want to use her, and as you said, if it's only a hacking home you won't get many young children wanting to do only that. You could stipulate a light adult and only hacking, stays on her current yard and you ask for £20 a week. Doesn't stop vets bills, shoes, food etc

We had a similar but smaller pony at our yard until recently who had 3 sharers, each with their own couple of days a week. Most of the loaners were inexperienced kids taking the first step up from riding school ponies, and just wanted to go in the school or for a short hack up the track and back (about 20 minutes). It worked really well and paid for the pony's keep.

I’m in Somerset. I had thought about taking my daughter back to riding lessons so she still gets to improve, problem is the pony could go on for another 10 years by which point dd will probably have left home! So that could be the end of competing/pony club…all the stuff she really enjoys.

The yard I’m at is very small, it’s a beautiful place and I’m very lucky to be there. But there are a lot of rules there and it’s predominantly a private home, they don’t like different people coming and going. I’d probably get away with having one sharer, but definitely not multiple people.

One possible option would be to let my mum have her, she’s said she would as she’s about to have her horse PTS (he’s very old), and she has her own stables and land in Devon, and other ponies there. She would only want to walk around the block on her a couple of times a week. But IMO she’d be too heavy for the pony, and also she’s very old school and I think it would be a massive personality clash. Although the pony is very friendly and settled now, she can still be a moody mare and has her grumpy moments. When she’s like that I literally just tap her with two fingers or just say her name in a cross voice and she packs it in. But my mum is the kind of person who would wallop her or Chuck a bucket at her or something, and that would not be fair on or go down well at all with the pony.

Schooling would be fantastic for her joints! Sounds like you've had some good suggestions. Can I just ad as well that sometimes when a pony has given someone a much needed confidence boost it's tempting to go up the next level too quickly! Yes kids find dressage/schooling boring but if she wants to jump etc she will need to get the schooling right especially if her next ride is up a gear.

I think 2 with a compromise- loan her out but introduce the person slowly whilst you and DD are still around to introduce them to each other for a few months so dear pony can get used to this third person and will trust them too? Maybe a child also needing a confidence boost or a small adult looking for a pony to have gentle hacks and schooling?

I agree with this I’m afraid .

@puddlesofmothers you’re absolutely right, and I keep trying to say that to dd (as tactfully as possible). Her confidence is great now but it could soon come crashing down again at the drop of a hat. If we got something that bucked once, did one dirty stop, or got a bit fizzy that would be it, she’d refuse to get back on it again. Honestly the pony we have is a saint, there was once they got the wrong stride into a warm up jump at a competition and dd ended up on her neck. So instead of taking advantage of the situation like most ponies would, our pony stuck her neck right up to deposit dd back in the saddle. She really is one in a million. The chances of finding another one like that are slim to none, especially in the current market with not much of a budget.

I think keeping her is the right thing to do, and dd will have to accept that she’s not going to be doing exactly the things she wanted. I know it’s hard for her when she sees her pony club friends being bought £25k horses and doing all sorts, but sadly for her I’m a single parent and doing what I can, she’s bloody lucky to have a pony at all. She can maybe go and do the odd 60/70 SJ thing, and perhaps she’d like to start doing something like working equitation, I have a friend at the yard who does a lot of that with her horse and it looks great. And she can do beach rides and fun stuff like that.

I can’t part with that pony, she’s too special. She’s got my heart in a way no other horse ever has. I’m taking her off for a hack in the woods in the morning with a couple of friends from the yard, no hormonal grumpy children, it will be bliss 🤣.

Realistically @Jknow what would your budget be if you did buy a new horse , they are still very expensive especially for the sort of thing it sounds like you’d need ( not a project ) and that’s the way to explain it to your daughter . As you say she’s very lucky to have the one she’s got .

Oh bless her she sounds wonderful and definitely worth her weight in gold. Confidence and nerve is a such a precious thing with riding, takes years to build and seconds to lose.

I would keep the pony at all costs, what she’s given you & her age, do the right thing by her, good luck!

^ I second this. You can still enjoy her yourself too, and DD can have the odd leisurely hack (& has a fallback if her confidence gets knocked).

If DD loses interest or needs to scale back in a few years when doing GCSEs/A Levelsthen she can do so more easily with a share, & it's usually easier to find a new share than buy and sell horses if she needs something bigger / with more scope another year or so down the line.