A horsey dilemma

[Jknow]

I have an amazing pony (14.2hh sports cob) who is 24 years old. Generally in good health and looks amazing for her age. Has coffin joint arthritis which is medicated once a year and a couple of wobbly teeth which the vet is coming to look at next week.

I bought her for my daughter who is now 12, and has ASD, about 18 months ago. She’d had her own ponies since she was 2 and loads of lessons. Back then my daughter was hopelessly nervous, but when we got this pony her riding came on in leaps and bounds. She went from being scared to jump a cross pole to competing at 80 within a few months, and was in the pony club teams.

I can’t tell you how much I love that old pony. She really is one in a million, and she’s had a fantastic past, competing at pony club national events, there’s even an article about her in horse and hound! And what she’s done for my daughter’s confidence is incredible.

However, I’m very aware that the pony isn’t getting any younger. She’s just been to camp and I can see it was maybe a bit much for her this year (the heat didn’t help). I’ve been careful not to let my daughter hammer her (she’s only usually jumped once a week at the most and only on a soft surface), but I think it’s time to slow it down now and let her bimble around on hacks and enjoy a semi retirement. She’s still fit, sound and full of beans but I think it’s time to say her pony club days are over.

So this is my dilemma. I’m a single parent and sacrifice every spare penny I have to keep the pony and let my daughter do the thing she loves. I can’t afford to keep another pony/horse, especially with everything going up in price. And now my daughter is in the situation where she wants to go on and do more but it just wouldn’t be fair to expect that of the pony.

So my options are:

1. tell my daughter it’s tough shit and it’s hacking only from now on (I think she’d lose interest very quickly if that was the case, although I can ride the pony so not the end of the world).

2. put the pony out on loan IF I could find the right home. But to add to the complications there, the pony is a bit of a tricky character and we really had to win her over with lots of love and kindness. Now she trusts us she’s fine, and actually really cuddly and cute. She obviously found going to yet another home at 23 very stressful - honestly for the first few months she’d try to flatten us whenever we went near her, but you wouldn’t believe that now. She’s so settled and content now. So I don’t think it would be very fair to put her through that again, and obviously there’s so many loan horror stories out there.

3. have the pony put to sleep - I know many would if the horse was at the end of their useful life, but I just couldn’t. I feel like she’s given so much to so many people over the years and just shooting her because she can’t do that any more is a no from me.

All of the options are shit, and yes of course I knew what I was getting into when I bought an old pony last spring, but after a few confidence-knockers my daughter really needed a pony like her. And they are very hard to find.

WWYD?

2 or 3 are pretty cruel, I'm afraid. Passing older ponies from pillar to post and treating them as assets isn't the kind of behaviour I would wish to demonstrate to my child (I have her old 28 year old ex-Pony Club pony plus a younger but still oldish pony who are going nowhere but I am fortunate to rent my own space and not pay livery prices).

Keep the pony, lightly hack, and try to find a share for your daughter.

Controversial but I don’t think 3 is a cruel or selfish option. A good end is better than being passed around and at her age is an inevitability and can be a brave and kind decision. Better than keeping oldies until they collapse in my opinion

She’s still so sparky and loving life. Went hacking for two hours this morning with friends, and their much younger, much bigger horses couldn’t keep up with her 🤣. Her ears were pricked forward the whole time, she was so happy. She’s in no way ready to retire. It’s been really helpful writing this thread as it’s made me realise that I will never find anything else like her, I personally love both riding and being around her, and dd still has lots she can learn from her. It might not be exactly what dd wants to do, but tough bananas. When I was a kid pretty much all of the ponies I had were completely unsuitable/unhinged, picked up for peanuts from the sales. There were a couple of nice ones but otherwise I just made do with what I had. I never had anything anywhere near as good as the one we have now. I’m taking her friend and her to the beach next week with the ponies, there’s a Hunter trial she can do the 60cm class in in a couple of weeks…ok it’s not what she wants to do which is jumping over massive things but it’s all good fun.

I’ve no intention of keeping her until she’s completely decrepit, when the time comes and her quality of life is no longer there I’ll do the right thing by her. But she really does look amazing for her age and still so enjoys her work so hopefully we’re a few years away from that.

That is lovely OP. I don’t think it does your daughter any harm to have a lovely pony to hack and take out to the odd thing. Too many PCs seem focused on getting to Champs with superstar ponies, that is fine if it’s completely for you but I see much keeping up with Jones/ trying to prove you worth. Better if out of that it’s a race to frustration as there will always be someone with a fancier horse or bigger lorry

I don’t have my own horse but do ride and own other animals. I do think part of responsible animal ownership for children is learning to put their needs first. If the pony was a different temperament you’d be able to sell her on but as you can’t do that, I think you owe her a lovely retirement and DD is learning a valuable lesson about responsibility by doing so. She’s got all the time in future to develop her skills - riding is a lifetime hobby!

So glad you've decided to keep her. Too many unscrupulous people out there who may sell her on.

If your dd is a decent rider she'll probably find things to ride. This was the situation for me as a teen. Lucky for me I'm short so rode a difficult 12.2 at cross country up to a 16.2 purebred.

Definitely keep her. You bought an old pony. She’s done everything for you with bells on. She’s earned, and deserves, an easier life.

Could you speak to the DC, see if they know of something your daughter could compete with?

Part loan/shares are a lot more than a £20 contribution round here. I pay £140 pm for ours plus a share of the shoes. One of the ponies there has 4 sharers - the owner of that one is making a fortune. I know that option isn't for you but 1/2 responsible sharers should be fine. At 14.2 you might well get adults happy to hack as well as kids who want to pop the odd jump but not anywhere near the level pony is currently doing. It's unlikely a sharer will be expecting to do pony club etc. usually it's those moving on from riding schools wanting to improve and have a more hands on experience with the care. I don't have transport for our share but we get lifts when others are going on outings for hacks/beach etc or I can give petrol money to someone. Perhaps you could offer that from time to time. The pony does sound quirky in ways so I'd worry a full loan home mount not work out which would be stressful and unfair

Would changing disciplines help? Maybe look into Trek or endurance where you're just essentially hacking. Obviously not massive long rides but there are shorter distances that might work.

Or could you find a younger kid at pony club looking for a reliable pony? And put the word out that your daughter is looking for something to ride?

OP, find a part time sharer. You ride dpony, let alone child learn the ropes on her. She'll still then be in the wings If DD has a wobble. Use the cash towards a share for your daughter on her next step up. Is there anything suitable at your yard?