Adult new or returning riders up for a chat?

[Hereforthedramaz]

I have recently returned to riding after a very long gap.

I was a very casual rider as an early teen, happy hacking on plodding ponies rather than technical riding. I am thoroughly enjoying having proper lessons now.

I thought it might be nice to chat with other newbies or returners, all non-horsey people in my life and there is only so much they want to talk about it!!!

Also the stables I'm going to is so lovely and welcoming but, in their own words, aimed almost entirely at 8-12 year olds so it would be nice to talk to some adults!

I had a 3 month break from riding, partly due to circumstances and partly as I’ve been so
nervous. I was seriously considering not going back because of the nerves, but started again last week on the riding school horse I’ve ridden for years. I was so nervous, but it went OK.

DD has a horse share that I can ride for lessons if I want, but unsure whether it’s the right time to start with a new horse that I’ve only ridden once before. My lesson is tomorrow and I’m already so nervous! I hate feeling this way. Not sure what the purpose of this post is, other than to know I’m not alone in struggling with my confidence.

@theferry I've had horses for years (all now retired, which means I am too!) but I've suffered from horrendous riding anxiety on and off since I had a nasty fall when I was 13. It is possible to conquer the nerves - have you tried anything yet?

@Eyesopenwideawake I rode up to being 18 without any nerves. Started up again 8 years ago when I was 40 without any problems. I was fine for a couple of years until I fell off when jumping. The nerves were initially just around jumping, but have progressively become around everything, including mounting. I had to give up a lovely horse share I had as it was being ruined by my nerves. I kept going with lessons until just before Christmas. To be honest, it was a relief to not have to go through the weekly necessity of forcing myself to ride and physically shaking due to the nerves. But something has drawn me back. My instructor has reassured me that I’m able to ride well and once I’m on and settle down, I do OK. It’s just my intense fear of falling off. I’ve only had about 6 falls in the 8 years since I started up again and I’ve never been seriously hurt, but the fear is very real. I don’t know how to conquer it or what would help. It seems bonkers that I spend £££ to feel terrified.

@theferry Don't know if it will help but I've worked with a few people with riding nerves, including a woman who was a junior champion in the Netherlands as a teenager but who was in floods of tears at the mere thought of being on a horse. She was a volunteer on our farm and by the end I couldn't get her off the horses!!

Eyesopenwideawake ,theferry I totally understand what you are both saying. I've been riding 30 years(nearly 60) and have had 2 falls in the last 2 years . My confidence which has never been brilliant is absolutely shot to peices. My ponies are Highlands and about as bombproof as you can get but it's me that's the issue.

@Mollyplop999 @theferry Happy to send you my blog post on riding anxiety if you want?

@Eyesopenwideawake thaT would be great, thank you.

@Mollyplop999 do you still ride? I can imagine it might be harder to avoid when you have your own.

Im crapping myself about the lesson this afternoon. I’ll be physically shaking by the time I get there. Still not sure whether I will ride DD’s share horse. She’s a sweetheart and mostly very calm, but it’s fear of the unknown, given I’ve only ridden her once and that was back in January. But riding the share horse saves 35% of the cost of a lesson in comparison to riding the school’s horse so that’s a consideration.

Why do I do this to myself!

@theferry just stop , go help your daughter with her share and see how it goes as to whether you want to get back on , absolutely no point putting yourself through all this angst .

theferry yes I hacked out with my daughter on Monday and managed to stay reasonably relaxed, but that's the first time since January. I've loose schooled them, and I have to keep telling myself that they don't care. I get angry at myself because it's all I've ever wanted to do and my fear is stopping me. Let us know how you get on.

@Floralnomad that would be the sensible and best thing to do, but I’ll have to pay for the lesson either way so there’s a pressure to do it. DH doesn’t remotely understand why I get so nervous so will be pissed if I waste money. My nerves have got so far that i now feel anxious just handling a horse. Im more than capable, of doing it, but the idea makes me anxious.

Can your daughter not have the lesson today , or when you get to the stables just groom the horse instead

That’s exactly how I feel—angry at myself. Deep down, I love it, but that’s being hugely overshadowed by my anxiety.

It was ultimately a relief when I decided to hand back the horse share I had. That was due to my nerves. Things have got worse since then and I think it’s probably just a matter of time until I give up completely. I’m sort of at the last chance to turn it around, but given that things are getting worse all the time, I don’t see what I could change to get me to enjoy it.

Yes, she can, and I’ve considered that. But there is something telling me I’ll be a failure if I don’t do it. Which is sort of correct as I’ll have told myself I’m going to do it and then ducked out. I don’t like that. I also don’t want to look like a wimp in front of the instructor (although she’s very aware of my nerves). And if I stop now, I don’t think I’ll go back. It’s all so complicated!

theferry it's so very frustrating . I can't imagine not riding ever again, but the scenarios of what could happen go through my head.

Did it! 😁

theferry well done! Did you enjoy it? I rode this afternoon too! I just did some walk and trot, with lots of rein changes.

Yay! Bloody well done you 🎉

Once I’d stopped shaking. I’m glad I did it. Managed a tiny jump. Just need to keep going with it.

Im just about to start again after a LOOOOOOONG break. had horses in my teens and competed at local level - show jumping, showing but my favourite was eventing. did all the pony club stuff. But Im 57 now so thats a while back
Had a couple of lessons about 12 years ago when my daughter was riding, but although I coped I wasnt keen on being in a school when my love is being in the woods.
So I offered to help exercise anyones horses, told them the back story and have 1 to try on Wed, and a choice of 6 to try next Monday.

I havent even got a hat!

the practicalities are worrying me more than the riding - I have lymphodema in my feet and the tp of my feet get swollen, so Im worrying about finding some boots that work - they seem to have changed alot in the past 40 years! some look like hiking boots but I will need something that isnt pointy toed

and do people wear johdpurs any more? again, Im a bit round on the tummy and this stupid lymphodema means I cant have tight waistbands.....

@NettleTea on the boot front I've got some quite cheap Steeds winter boots, they're very round in the toe and roomy, was worried they would catch in the stirrups but actually they are very good whilst riding.

Hope your rides go well!

they dont look alot different to my hiking boots - I will see how those fare in the first instance - they have a heel and the soles looks pretty identical!

@theferry
How are you getting on? X

@gettingolderbutcooler good, thank you for asking. I did some tiny jumps last week and trying to ride the share horse this week.

Woo! More jumping yesterday. (Tiny jumps at the trot, but I’m still chuffed). I didn’t make it onto the share horse, but I’ve stopped pressurising myself to do that. I think it will happen in time. For now, I’m sticking with the school horse who I’ve ridden for years.

Haven't tried jumping yet (didn't even do it much when young) but still doing private lessons. Hoping to hack out with my instructor more as the weather is improving! Only don't controlled canters in the ring so I'll be a bit nervous.