I'm not an older rider but I used to work at a riding school and this instructor sounds appalling. I'd be raising it with the riding school, it doesn't sound like she's well equipped to be teaching a beginner riders' group if she's that impatient. Don't continue with this on this basis, it's an expensive way to be miserable and she'll just sap your confidence, which is hard to get back once it's gone.

The equestrian world is bitchy as fuck so it comes as no surprise to me that this instructor is making you feel this way. I've never been to a single stables where at least one person didn't reduce me to tears at some point.

You're right to keep at it though and well done on all the progress you've made so far.

Some riding instructors are excellent riders but have awful people skills and she sounds like one of them. Try somewhere else and see how that goes.

It should be enjoyable and I doubt you are aiming for the Olympics , there is absolutely no need for this instructor to call you lazy. Unless they are the owner, I’d be having a word with management.

That's really poor teaching and unacceptable. I'd also be complaining to the school. When I was a kid the senior instructor was well known for making the kids (top ride, so competent) cry and did it to me frequently. I learned much better from a less senior instructor with whom I could relax and really try. And btw trotting without stirrups takes a lot of practice, fitness and flexibility to do well. I don't think anyone's going to nail it first time!

Aw, she sounds awful and unprofessional! You sound like you've done really well so far - it can't be easy learning to ride as an adult. Could you get some private lessons from a freelance instructor on one of the school's horses?

Oh and, yes, talk to the boss/owner/manager. She's undoubtedly made other clients feel rubbish.

She sounds awful.
I wouldn’t use an instructor who did loads or indeed any no stirrup work with novices. All it does is make people tense, and it’s shit for the horses as they just have their mouths hung off and backs bounced in. It’s not a method I rate at all except for very balanced riders and in short bursts. Just bad teaching all round. I’d move schools.

Whereabouts in London are you? I’m sure people can suggest other reasonably local places which would suit you better. I’m also in my 50s and started riding in the summer after years of watching my daughter.

The riding school I’m going to isn’t the nearest or the poshest in terms of facilities but the instructors are lovely and encouraging (but push me appropriately too) and the horses are well looked-after and happy to work.

I suspect you’d make a lot more progress if you had some private lessons - you wouldn’t have to compare yourself to the others and you and your instructor can focus on what you need to work on to improve rather than fitting in with a generic lesson plan

Half hour individual lessons are brilliant. Less tiring, more interesting, no hanging around, often a similar price to a hours group lesson. If you can find somewhere you can do that, it would be well worth it.

You definitely need a different instructor even if it means having to do an inconvenient change of schools. I agree with those who advise a one-to-one lesson but not with this instructor! Some horse-world people are vile and should be avoided. Well done though for making progress in spite of the instructor.

I am starting to wonder whether this instructor is actually a bully

Yes, she is. It’s an outdated way of teaching, negative coaching only makes people quit. It’s endemic in many sports, but especially those where it’s female and/or young child orientated- see gymnastics.

Find someone encouraging and positive.

Bear in mind also there are two of you here, horses don’t respond to bullies either so you won’t get the best out of the horse either.

It’s not you, it’s them.

Half hour individual lessons are brilliant. Less tiring, more interesting, no hanging around, often a similar price to a hours group lesson. If you can find somewhere you can do that, it would be well worth it

If you can, 15 min or half hour lunge lessons. No need to worry about reins, steering, starting, stopping, just to work on your seat and balance.

A good teacher (of anything) never talks down to someone trying to learn.

My daughter is 11 and riding in a big London riding school and the instructors are really good but mean and shout all the time! I think it's pretty normal Horsey people are quite harsh. My daughter always gets shouted at and I'm quite shocked it never put her off riding. It's almost masochistic 😂

I don’t think shouting is normal.
I instruct and I don’t shout, I will firmly say to people to get off somethings face! But I don’t shout.
Ive not taught at riding schools since I was at uni and I do get that teaching big group after big group of very novice riders who because they ride once a week don’t progress that quickly can be frustrating, but screaming and shouting is not helpful or good teaching.

There are more rising schools than you’d expect in London, so I’d look for another. Or can you get a little way out of the city for a lesson? I used to ride at Wildwoods in Surrey, it’s a long time ago now but I really liked it and would think it worth a try. Great hacking too when you get more confident. You can get there by train and then it’s just a short walk. So there’s one recommendation to get you started with your search.

What would happen if you stood up to her and said “actually I’m not paying you to insult/shout at me or be talked to like a child. I’m paying to learn and your style of ‘teaching’ is actually hindering my progress and frankly pissing me off.”
Sometimes people like this just need the shock of someone standing up to them and they start to back peddle like no tomorrow. Failing that complain to the owners.

I’ve had some awful instructors as well as some bloody lovely and patient ones who understand that for me, I just want to enjoy riding and build my confidence.

My tip is to move schools until you find the right instructor. It’s definitely not you and most definitely them. Good luck finding the right yard.

I started riding in June last year and my instructor has never once shouted at me. She's lovely - very calm and patient, good with instructions and if I'm tired or having an off-week, she's more than happy to let me do something a little easier for a bit.

I have solo hour-long lessons and pay £35 a go. I don't do any of the tacking up - I get there and my horse is ready to go so my hour is spent entirely on the horse.

Next weekend I have my first beach ride booked - two hours which includes riding through the village to the beach, an hour on the beach trotting and cantering through the sea, and then back to the stables again.

My point is - I love riding and have never once been made to feel stupid or lazy or like I was an idiot because I didn't "get" it. Find another instructor and definitely go for solo lessons instead of groups.

I would recommend my instructor but I live about seven hours from you unfortunately!

You need to feedback your experience to the riding school in a neutrally written email!

She sounds terrifying, very intimidating and unprofessional.

I'm 51 and wouldn't have the confidence you do, I'm really impressed.

You have made great progress, don't let it go waste!