Broken hearted DD - loan ended abruptly

[Paq]

DD (13) has been riding a horse on an informal loan for 6 months. Both she and the horse have come along brilliantly and DD completely lost her heart to the grumpy, uncooperative but adorable mare.

The owner has decided, at a moment's notice, that the loan isn't working out and ended the arrangement by text, with little explanation, hours before DD was due to go out for a lesson.

She's been inconsolable since. Please reassure me that she'll stop crying soon

Oh poor girl, what a rotten thing to do to her

That is so awful, I’m so sorry 😢

That's a really horrible and cowardly thing to do to a kid. She'll effectively be grieving for her horse. It'll get better with time.

It was the thing that kept her going in lockdown, being able to spend time with her. She's been saying she doesn't want another loan in case the same thing happens again. Sadly we're not in a position to buy a horse. Girls and horses - deep emotions!

Oh that's shitty 💔 similar thing happened to me at the same age and it was the end of the world.

It is awful.

I had it happen to me as a teen, and it's true that with loans the same thing can happen again.

One thing that may help in the future is a formal loan agreement, which at least means the owner has to give notice, rather than pulling the rug out very suddenly.

She will "get over" it, but give her time to grieve, and see how she feels when the immediate pain has passed.

That said, riding other people's ponies can be very tricky, and if she doesn't want another loan, then I can understand that, too.

That’s such a shame, she must be gutted.

Perhaps once the initial shock has worn off, your dd might like to have a few riding school lessons and hacks for a while, before she jumps back in to part loaning. It can be a nice reminder that there are lots of lovely horses out there and plenty of fun to be had, without the commitment.

I was a sharer for 12 years, and had lots of different arrangements in that time, from regular commitments that lasted a few years to temporary and casual exercise arrangements. I adored many of the horses I rode and cared for, but I did get used to the idea that these arrangements are not permanent. Each time I moved on, there was another lovely horse waiting for me, and new chances to try different things, meet new people and make new friends.

I understand that a teen is unlikely to feel that way when she’s just lost the first horse she’s really got to know, but it does get easier, and there will be other opportunities that are not “better” but just as good in different ways.

Awful.

Ignore her about not wanting another loan, if you really can't afford to buy. The only thing that will help this is another pony to win her heart little by little. I've been there.

Having said that, little girls' legs grow and ponies don't. Even if you buy, this heartbreak occurs. Letting go is an unavoidable part of having a childhood pony.

Letting go is an unavoidable part of having a childhood pony
Not necessarily, we’ve never sold anything on and still have our sons pony from when he was 6 , they are now both 28 . That said OP if you can’t afford to buy then it’s share , loan or lessons and I’m sure your daughter will soon be keen to start something .

You're very lucky!

To us they are family pets so once you get them you are responsible for their entire life , it’s not luck it’s just the way we view things . I was lucky that both of our children gave up riding at a young age so we only have the one redundant pony and not a herd .

If we kept every pony our children would not be able to move up and keep riding so I do view your position as lucky, however it came about. But we take the view that our ponies are adored while they're with us and happiest/healthiest with a job unless retiring. If we can't provide a rider of the right size to adore them, we're no longer the perfect home-and there are many homes just as lovely as ours.

How upsetting for her! I’d be pressing the owner for a reason and letting them know you have a very heartbroken girl on your hands.

Unfortunately the decisions are entirely up to the owner, they don’t need to give any reason for ending a loan. There are loads of great opportunities for sharing and loaning out there. She’ll find another that works out. I rode for a lady who bought and brought on ponies for resale I was a teen, then I loaned a horse for around 4 years until I went to university. The most important thing to remember is that it is not your horse. I was heartbroken when it came time to move on and go to uni, but I see others enjoying him now and stay in touch with his owner so it’s not all bad.

@asifnothinghappened I’m not criticising your approach , it’s horses for courses as the saying goes and it’s the way we were bought up . Our maximum has been 4 at any one time , all fairly ancient .

What a horrible thing for them to have done!!

I'd have been on the phone to find out what's going on!

Their pony, their choice etc but you don't do that to a kid right before a lesson & without the opportunity to say goodbye to the pony, take it a treat etc

Unfortunately the decisions are entirely up to the owner, they don’t need to give any reason for ending a loan.

Of course they don’t have to, but you can ask. It’s odd that they did it so suddenly and at such short notice. I’d want to make sure they didn’t think we’d been doing something wrong.

That's really mean and unreasonable and you can guarantee the owner would be furious if you gave the same notice of not doing the horse.
Your daughter will get over it but please reassure her that most owners don't treat loaners like that. I've had a few loaners over the years and I'm still in touch with them all.I've always said to treat them like their own and they've all enjoyed hacking,competing, sponsored
Rides,beach rides, lessons etc. They've all been lovely reliable sharers who've enriched my horses lives and made mine easier.

The owner hasn’t acted well but honestly there is literally nothing to be gained pressuring them for an explaination/guilt tripping about how upset your daughter is.

floral It genuinely must be lovely not to have to say goodbye!

@asifnothinghappened it is until it comes to having them pts , that said the current pony I’ve never physically looked after , she has always been on full livery and I’m definitely less attached to her than I was to any of the others .

Is it worth just dropping them a message to check nothing was wrong, that it was them.m being off?

floralnomad

Agonising.