Letting go of my horse of a lifetime

[Poniesandgin]

I’ve loved horses all of my life and eventually managed to buy my own around 4 years ago. She was unbroken and I backed her myself. She is now a 9 year old dream, ribbons upon ribbons and took me places I could only have dreamed of. I love and trust her completely and I don’t think I’ll ever find a horse as good.

However, life’s changed. I’ve got a young children, I’ve got dogs, cats, work full time, DH works long hours. I have another hobby I also enjoy but can’t fit in. Financially things are okay but could be improved without the costs of running a horse, I've moved my horse to the cheapest livery I could find but still there isn’t much money left for competing or lessons etc. We have not been on holiday since 2012 due to financial reasons.
I had to sell my horsebox so have no way of competing, I am hacking a few times a week but it’s so dull. I don’t enjoy hacking, competing is my thing but due to financial and time reasons I can no longer entertain it.

Time wise every morning I am rushing to turn out, muck out, walk dogs, get DS to school, walk dogs and then get to work.

To make things worse we are moving to a new house. It’s much bigger and has a huge garden but it needs a lot of work which will be expensive and time consuming.

So I’ve come to the conclusion loaning her out is best, or maybe even selling I don’t know. I’ve got someone interested but I literally feel bereaved at the thought of her going even though I know I can’t keep a horse in a field eating grass for the next 5 years. It would be such a waste of a beautiful horse and I want to see her out there being loved and enjoyed. I can’t even look at photos of her without feeling upset.

I know the horse won’t care, she will be fine after a few weeks as horses generally are but I’m not sure I will be. I’m hoping the spare time and money will make me reevaluate things even if it’s just while my children are so young.

Has anyone else given up. Please tell me it will feel better one day

@Poniesandgin
I know exactly how you feel. I am due to seperate from my partner v soon, & between us we have the horse of a lifetime, a 15 yr old ISH mare who taught my partner to ride at 65 !! My soon to be ex partner will either take her to his next residence with him, or I am hoping one of my adult children will take her on (they are all horsey) with a contribution from me for her keep. This way I will still be able to see her & maybe ride her, although I am a hacker & not competitive. I would be extremely jealous of her being sold on to people I don't know, so if none of the above options work I would have to consider selling her through a very reputable dealer, who will not sell her to just anyone. Maybe this is also an option for you, as the dealer should ensure she goes to a caring, knowledgeable home, and you are not left wondering about her future, knowing that it was you who brought her on & loved her. Best wishes to you. [Flowers]

Thanks everyone.
The loan home didn’t work out. The people were not as experienced as made out.

I have decided a field is not an option for her, she’s too young.
Finding another loan home also seems like it may be difficult but I have put up an advert just incase.
I’ve decided to give it a month. If I feel better great, if not she is going up for sale.

I feel better knowing I have a plan though.

Keep an eye out for a sharer. I'm an experienced rider and shared my last horse for nearly 10 years. She died in August and I am still absolutely heartbroken, I adored her and treated her like she was my own. It worked so well, people said she wouldn't find the right sharer as horse was competing at medium. But I wanted to ride and couldn't afford a horse of my own and it just worked

@ClientQ I’ve advertised her again but I’m not holding out much hope.

She’s a funny sort to share, most people want weight carrying larger horses for some reason and that isn’t her. The only people who have replied have been children and I’ve advertised her three times now!

A small lightweight and safe horse, you say? Whereabouts are you? I’d have your arm off to share that!

I’m in the north east

Everyone here wants massive big warmbloods or steady cobs and she is neither!

I used to be a horse-mad child even thought I couldn't afford anything beyond a few lessons. That seemed completely unjust to me at the time but was completely realistic in hindsight due to my parents' limited income, having no land and living in an ordinary house with nowhere to stable or keep a horse. You see where I'm going with this?

Even though you love her, I think you are doing the right thing. It seemed self-evident to me when I read your first post. It's not unique to horses. People do have to change when babies come along: sports cars get sold, long-haul holidays get swapped for bucket-and-spade... If you had rolling acres, it would be different, but you don't.

I don’t know if it’s fair to my children to say no holidays/day trips/activities/after school clubs/school trips because mummy has a horse
That wouldn't be fair, no. That would be compromising their opportunities and development for your own hobby. Sorry, I know that you have already made the decision to sell her, but I just want to say clearly that you are doing the right thing. I think your heart is telling you that.

I have a child of 10-11 and still find parenting pretty intense to be honest. Homework increases, if they have difficulties at school (which may emerge later) you need to give a lot of help and supporting their development and interests all takes up time.

Hope you find the right home for her.

Shame! I hope you find a way to keep her. She sounds too good to let go completely

Thanks all.

I actually thought when DD went to school that would be the end of the hard part but actually it’s got worse. My mornings consist of madly getting everyone fed, dogs walked, school runs and uniforms and then rushing to the horse to sort her out then getting to work on time myself.
I’m not sure I’m done with DC either. I’ve put off any more because I haven’t the time but DH would really like more children which is also always at the back of my mind!

I wish I had never got her in the first place because this is horrendous but she’s given me so many happy times I suppose.

I’m going to list her on the breed websites first and see what comes of that, if nothing I will advertise her properly.

from experience, i would share her out/part loan or sell

full loans just come back and shit on you, people give back lame horses etc

selling is very final but you need to then switch off and never think of her again, or it will break your heart.

fwiw - horses dont care at all if they are pets, hacked once a week or evented.

best of luck

from experience, i would share her out/part loan or sell

full loans just come back and shit on you, people give back lame horses etc

selling is very final but you need to then switch off and never think of her again, or it will break your heart.

fwiw - horses dont care at all if they are pets, hacked once a week or evented.

best of luck

What did you decide op?

Awwww @Poniesandgin I really hope you were able to keep her.

I am not a horsey person but I can ride and I love horses. I can't quite understand how a loved companion can be just sold on. I understand the reasoning behind it as I read the OP's post, and I know horsey people are not generally sentimental........ but............

...I would never let go of mine if I were ever lucky enough to own one. They are wonderful creatures.

I would consider every option available just to keep in touch in case the horse fell into disreputable hands