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Original poster

Sorry, upsetting thread but I could really do with some advice

72 replies

shamalamalam · 13/09/2018 19:23

I am so sorry to ask and I really hope I don’t upset anyone, but I really don’t know what to do.

Sadly, DD’s pony has come to the end of his road. It’s all been a bit of a shock as although he’s a slightly older gent, he’s been enjoying his semi-retirement with DD until fairly recently.

The vet has recommended we use a gun rather than injection as pony’s circulation isn’t brilliant (plus, from a practical point of view, it gives us more options as to what we can do with him when it’s over) but is happy for us to decide either way

To say that DD, who is just 13, is devastated is a total understatement, she adores the bones of him, they have an amazing bond and is adamant on being with him right to the end.

This is the first time we’ve ever had to do this so I have no idea what whatsoever to expect.

We have to do what’s best for pony, but there is absolutely no way I’m willing to let DD witness what I imagine will happen if he is PTS with the gun. DH or I will be with him in any case.

I really don’t know what to do for the best - for pony, and DD.

She’s finding the whole idea of a gun quite shocking and worse than if it was an injection if you see what I mean.

Any advice would be very gratefully received

Thank you

OP posts:
Furx · 13/09/2018 19:31

I have witnessed PTS with a gun.

It was harrowing im afraid.

But then if your old boys circulation isn’t great, I’d be worried that the process would mean unnecessary suffering. At least a gun is quick for the horse. Even if the aftermath is hard for the humans to watch.

So sorry that you are in this Position. Flowers

Seeyounexttue · 13/09/2018 19:35

I've seen both methods, and personally in future I would prefer gun - it's instant, while with injection he (possibly due to age and circulation) thrashed and fought for a bit. It probably wasn't long, it just felt that way.

We're getting to a similar point with my old man, so you have my deepest sympathies

Nagsnovalballs · 13/09/2018 19:41

Be honest with her.

It is beyond crap to do. I’ve held the rope and stood behind the knackerman when my horse with wobblers was put down. I didn’t want him falling about all over the place and freaking out.

I doped him as much as I could and fed him a carrot then stood behind the kennels man and honestly my horse was gone instantly.

BUT it’s loud, he drops instantly and the kennelsman (not known for sentiment) then winches the horse into van. It really stays with you. Because you have to stand behind, you can’t pet them safely.

However, it’s a brilliant teaching moment on the importance of selflessness in caring for animals. Your daughter can learn that you should give the animal the easiest exit, not the human. Too many owners think of their feelings and not of the animal’s experience. For example, making sure it takes place in a familiar place rather than sending the horse away ‘because they couldn’t deal with seeing it’ - so, what? You send your horse to an unfamiliar place and freak him out to spare your feelings? (Someone I knew just did this and I am still cross about it)

Having said all of this, I’m not sure I could have done this at her age. Selling my 14.2 at 14 was part of a massive downward spiral of my mental health which had latched on to hormones/puberty/family problems. Shooting him would have probably left me totally incapacitated.

Nagsnovalballs · 13/09/2018 19:42

Do share my post with your daughter if you think it will help

Sorry you are having to deal with this xx

Nagsnovalballs · 13/09/2018 19:44

And I should add - shooting is the right option here, that’s not in question. All I’m offering is some insight into whether your daughter should be right there or say good bye and then you deal with the actual putting down.

Whyiseveryonesoangry · 13/09/2018 19:45

I had my pony pts two months ago by injection. I had a panic attack when she went down and sleepless nights for days afterwards. There is no way I would let my 13 year old daughter see a pony fall to the ground like that. I would let her be with him whilst he was sedated, spend some time saying goodbye and then take her away until he was on the floor and still.
So sorry you are in this position x

Haireverywhere · 13/09/2018 19:50

I agree with Nags

Especially this - Your daughter can learn that you should give the animal the easiest exit, not the human. Too many owners think of their feelings and not of the animal’s experience.

It's not however like being with and stroking a dog (obviously heart breaking) and may be very traumatising at her age to be there. So you can explain the reasoning above but only you know if she should be there. If this is her first loss in living memory it could be very very hard regardless though.

Best wishes OP.

Sarahlou63 · 13/09/2018 19:52

I don't think she needs to be there for the actual act - perhaps she could spoil him rotten for the hours preceding and also see his body before he's taken away but watching him drop isn't a good idea. I've only seen injections (shooting isn't normal here in Portugal) and it's distressing but peaceful.

Miladymilord · 13/09/2018 19:52

I would not let her witness it. It's really distressing and tbh she will be much better off giving him a carrot and a cuddle, having a cry and leaving him. Seeing them winched off is horrible.

Original poster
shamalamalam · 13/09/2018 19:58

Thanks all! I really hope I haven’t upset anyone

DH and I have talked, our plan was to let them spend the day together, and then one of us take her away while the other stays with pony.

The vet recommended the local hunt and they’ll come out to our yard, he won’t be going anywhere

I’m not keen on the idea of being there, I certainly don’t want my 13 year old daughter to see it.

I have been as honest as my knowledge allowed with her and I’ll show her the posts on this thread later.

She’s finding it all very violent and shocking, poor thing. He’s her first pony and she’s devoted to him

OP posts:
ThanksHunkyJesus · 13/09/2018 20:06

I would opt for shooting but wouldn't let her be there. Let her say goodbye then let her get far enough away that she won't hear the gunshot.

Sarahlou63 · 13/09/2018 20:09

As an aside I think it would be really useful for the vet to talk to your daughter - he/she can explain in non emotional terms what's wrong with the pony and why it's in his best interest to be out of pain.

Miladymilord · 13/09/2018 20:20

Make sure you take some of his tail so you can have a bracelet made if you think dd would like it

Original poster
shamalamalam · 13/09/2018 20:20

Thanks

She does understand why and she is accepting of it all.

I think she thinks if he has the injection it’s going to be like having a dog PTS, when you can cuddle and stroke them and it’s all nice and peaceful.

We have gently tried to explain it to her, but have tried not to upset or traumatise her either, I think we’re going to have to lay it out for her a bit more

Flowers to all those who have been through it too

OP posts:
IsItTimeForGinYet · 13/09/2018 20:21

Personally I would also opt for the gun. Ask the local hunt to come and do it. Don't stay around to witness it or be in ear shot and don't let your daughter either. It's brutal to the person watching but it is the kindest thing to do for the pony. You could also sedate the pony before hand but to be honest this would probably be for your benefit rather than the pony.

It's horrible. It really is. But you and your daughter are doing what is right and kind for the pony. And get some tail to make into a bracelet or something as a lovely reminder. Good luck.

wombatron · 13/09/2018 20:32

I think explain the gist of this thread but don't perhaps show her. I'm not a horse owner but a dog owner and am fully prepared heartbreakingly for the selflessness that comes with cuddling them to a forever sleep. But the images that those have described have upset me, and I wonder if she truly knew, if it would leave her wondering what would happen when she walked away. She will possibly always wonder about it if she read semi graphically (and I'm sure these are toned down) what happened and it may cloud her memories. The idea of her being with him whilst being sedated is a lovely one and will give her the closure if you go the injection route, and just being with him for the day, but it's just another angle to consider given she's so young.

I had no idea how devastating having a horse PTS was, you brave people to take that on WineThanks

Jonsnowsghost · 13/09/2018 20:39

I lost my wonderful old pony last year and I also chose the gun. He was very laminitic and spent his last few years out in large sand pens with hay rather than grass so I turned him out for the day and sat with him in the field, gave him a huge sugary feed with carrots and pears then I had a company who did the PTS and cremation come. He gave me as much time as I needed but I didn't stay with him during the actual act, I didn't want to see him fall. I think my pony's lasting thoughts would be about all the great food he got to eat Smile unfortunately I wasn't quite far away enough to not hear him fall and the sound hasn't left me so I would suggest she doesn't stay. Have a day with him just hanging out :-).
I used a company rather than a vet so I could pick the exact day and time. It's such a horrible decision and I miss him every day but I wanted him to go when he was sound and happy Smile

Furx · 13/09/2018 20:40

The one I saw was 20 years ago, it wasn’t a horse i knew, i didn’t even know the owner that well, i was just supporting a friend of a friend.

The memory of it stayed with me to this day.

I think it best that your daughter doesn’t see.

IsItTimeForGinYet · 13/09/2018 20:43

My gorgeous horse died in front of me from sycamore poisoning. It was very traumatic as his heart gave out and whilst I could talk to him I couldn't get near him as his legs were thrashing around and he was fighting the inevitable. The images stayed with me for a very long time and whilst I was glad to be there for him I wouldn't wish to go through that with my child present.

Honestly. Let her spend some quality time with him before having a brush, giving him treats and then maybe take her off to a garden centre of something and buy something to plant and remember him by?

Jonsnowsghost · 13/09/2018 20:50

I will also add I got mine cremated and he's now buried in my mum's garden with a pear tree growing over him as pears were his favourites, I go and say hello to him every time I go round so getting a plant for him is a good idea :-)

Saffy101 · 13/09/2018 20:50

I have had several of mine shot at the end of their days by the man from the local hunt. They have always been excellent. Even when I had an emergency on a Sunday evening, they were here in minutes. The horse dropped to the ground dead. He felt and saw nothing. For him it was a perfect way to go. I would never have one pts with an injection again as it can take longer than you expect and yes - there can be "thrashing" which is not nice to watch.

MyLegsHurt · 13/09/2018 20:50

My friend had her horse put down by injection and it took me months to stop thinking about it. One word will sum it up, HORRIFIC. The thing thrashed around for what seemed like ages.

I've had horses for many years and have always opted for the gun. I was only present for one of mine though - I've never stayed again, it's too traumatic. It's not something I'd allow any 13 year old to witness tbh.

Wrongwayup · 13/09/2018 20:54

The gun is fine for them the shock is yours. Better her than injection less can go wrong. I say goodbye then walk away. By the time you here to he shot they are gone. I then go back and let my others say goodbye. If you do this don't any of you watch them load. Very well undignified. But that doesn't matter for them once dead. X

EmmaC78 · 13/09/2018 20:54

I have had two PTS by injection and both were very peaceful. No thrashing at all. One was so poorly he was already lying down so just slowly drifted away. The other did drop to the ground but it was peaceful. Neither way is easy though. It is tough losing a much loved horse or pony.

Squirrel26 · 13/09/2018 20:56

There is a leaflet you can download from the World Horse Organisation website called something like 'Just In Case' which goes through what each method involves - e.g. there might be some blood, the horse's eyes will be open, there might be muscle twitching but that doesn't mean the horse is aware. I don't know if that might be useful either for your DD to read or for you to help with talking to her?

(I have no personal experience of having to do this, so apologies if those who have think it's no good, but it seems quite practical and clearly written.)