Morale boosting thread for those with new or tricky horses

[bandito]

I thought it would be nice (for me certainly ) to share some of the ups and downs of life with a new or tricky horse. I've had DHorse for 2 weeks - he's our first after years and years of riding school riding and I've managed to fall off twice in that fortnight. He's just jumped sideways at a scary hedge on his brand new hacking route and off I fall. I failed both times to hold on the reins and the darling stood still and waited for me to come and get him. He's a sweetheart but I am realising very quickly that moving a horse across the country and handing him over to a novice rider is going to have a few issues in the first year! On the bright side, he comes to call and stops when you say whoa. We're going to have fun together - but in all honesty, we aren't yet. Is anyone else in the same boat?

Gabilan - it was only after reading stuff via your links that I found the thing about the radio controlled car!!

I'd been sceptical for a long time about join up but that just set the seal on it 😏

Sounds like you're making progress Bandito. I hadn't had DHorse long and didn't think of him as a cuddly horse. His farrier was kind of a blokey bloke. Nice guy, but you couldn't really imagine him being openly affectionate. One day I caught him and DHorse having a cuddle

YoureSo I find Epona TV really good and quite eye opening. I don't agree with everything they come up with but it's always well researched and thought provoking. It's changed the way I view horses.

Try to act like your farrier, whistling or singing a calm song can be really helpful as it regulates your breathing and lowers your heart rate which the horse then picks up on. I've spent ages singing while riding young horses!

My NH is more about getting Dhorse to follow me closely on the ground. He was a terrible moon-gazer & awfully inattentive - always looking for the next dragon. He' s much better now, but I always make him follow me out of the school after a session, without leading him out.

Hideous outing this eve. I schooled him and he was fine apart from a few silly moments when others were being turned out and were galloping up and down next to us. I was intending to get someone to walk us round the village this weekend and one of the other liveries offered to come with me this eve. I wasn't keen but thought no time like the present.

He was brilliant. Until we got to the fork in the road to go up to the village. He just wouldn't go. Only direction was backwards. We could lead him and he'd do it, get back on a bit further on and then take him back, try again and just backwards. My friend tried and he wouldn't go.

Got back and apparently one of the cars we met wound down his window to tell the girl I was with how tense and scared of him I looked and wasn't that the problem. She told me and then said in her opinion I can't pretend to be brave when I'm not. And I should sell him. I haven't stopped crying. I am so exhausted I don't know if I want honesty or someone to just tell me nice stuff just to boost me again. Apparently this is what I wanted and he's just too much for me

Puppymouse you sound like such a lovely owner, he's lucky to have you. Are you south west area or am I getting confused? I'm Devon/ Somerset. PM me if you like. I think you just need better help than you're getting. Everyone's an expert and a critic, even drivers going past! Well they can bloody get on him if they'e that good.

You can get there. I had some awful times with DHorse to start with and was lucky that I had a genuine expert giving me spot on advice at the time. This evening we've just had the loveliest lesson. You can get there!

Thanks Gab I am SW. North Somerset. I am going to do what I'd intended to do a while back and book a "hacking out lesson." I was talked out of it because it was a ridiculous thing to spend so much money on. But my fellow liveries just don't make me feel safe like she does. I'm sick of my people pleasing getting in the way of what I'm ready or not ready to do on my horse. I just pray this is just a blip and not something that will become a blocker.

Go for it. When DHorse Mk1 was being a twazzock hacking out with me my trainer came out. She was brilliant. Lots of helpful little tips. Yes, a lot of it is confidence but that can come with knowing what to do in different situations.

Some liveries can be really helpful. But in the end, if that's what you think is right and it's what you want to do, do it. It's all new to your horse. But with understanding and consistency you can get there.

Thank you. I think so much hinges on me, the confidence I can give him and my relationship with him I need to trust that at 13 he knows what he needs to do and it's about me getting the right support and techniques to feel confident. I'm just livid someone who claims to be supportive of me thought it was helpful to tell me a total stranger wound their window down to tell her I'm scared

I have had my new pony for six months having had a loan pony previously for two years. As others have said it takes time to develop a bond with your horse and I feel you need a year to really get to know each other. Looking back I can't believe what I expected my loan pony to do when I first got him. He was great but quite spooky at times and I asked a lot of him. My new pony is a native and very calm but has not seen a lot of 'big' traffic and still does not like hacking out by himself on the busier roads. I hack out weekly with my instructor and it is so helpful, we chat and enjoy the hack then when a lorry or tractor comes towards us she asks them to slow down and rides alongside us, so I can concentrate on trying to stay relaxed and just riding my pony on. It is worth every penny to me as she is calm and encouraging. A lot of my friends are horsey and many have an opinion as to what I should be doing and how he will be scarred for life if I don't do this or that. I have spent a lot of time worrying but have decided to focus on building the bond/trust between us and just taking my time. He is young and we have many years of riding ahead of us. Sorry this is so long but I know how you are feeling Puppymouse. I should also say that I am very lucky to keep my horses at home and do not have any livery 'friends' giving their helpful advice either. I think you know what you should be doing and just need to believe in your way.

Bandito, it is very early days. Take your time and don't feel that you have to ride. Grooming, groundwork and just hanging out with your horse is time well spent and also, I think, very enjoyable.

Thank you Thief. I think what you're doing sounds perfect. I have been driven mad with all the "you know what you should dos," I've had before during and after buying him. I'm a terribly insecure and consultative person naturally so it really messes with my head. People are often wrong. It just sometimes feels I'm not so good at the tough stuff. Now I've had time to process it all I think he actually did ok and the girl I was with and I probably set ourselves up for a battle we would never win and made it worse. I just really don't want that bit of the route to become such an issue I can't hack him alone.

Worst case scenario, as he was ok being led there and he let me get on easily a few yards up, is it such a bad thing, that if I need to, I do that to get us both safe and off the road and on our way?

A hacking out lesson is a great idea, don't let anyone talk you out of it. I've had hacking out lessons with a horse that wouldn't go past pigs, one that piaffe do when excited and one coming back to work after 5 months box rest.

Puppymouse, I'm sorry things went wrong yesterday - it's so hard being told that they can pick up on every emotion, so 'don't show you're scared' - isn't it? If they're such bloody good mind and body readers, how the hell are you supposed to do that? Also it was not very helpful of your friend. Did she think you should sell anyway and the comment from the stranger backed her up? It was not a very kind thing to do.

I am back in the school with our lovely yard manager and not going out at all for a while. I am learning to lunge him over poles and little jumps and obstacles to keep him occupied, then saddle up and walk and trot round arena for 10 mins at the end. Then he's had a work out (and I don't have to spend the day worrying that my lack of nerve is going to lead to obesity - laminitis - certain death.)

She said to me that we need to build trust and not scare ourselves. That's my goal for the summer. Try and find one person you trust and politely ignore everyone else - I think otherwise we'd go mad! It's very hard to make autonomous decisions when you are aware of how little you know, but I think it's the only way to maintain your sanity. That's what I'm finding anyway. Hope it's a better day for you today.

Puppy what a shame, but don't let it put you off and do try very hard to ignore what other people are saying. There are always setbacks but you need to work out what went wrong and why and then sort it, which is what you are doing. Your instinct about not wanting to hack out was right, so next time trust yourself and don't allow others to encourage you to do things you're not sure about.

It's a bit like having children, you're bombarded with advice and what you should/shouldn't do but you soon work out your way of dealing with things and it's fine.

Bandito, that sounds a sensible course of action and good fun!

I cannot tell you how helpful I am finding this thread! Thank you for starting it bandito!

So this morning I went round the village (exact same route as disaster one yesterday) but with my yard owner. He was awesome. Barely a spook and he actually trotted straight across up to the fork we had a meltdown at yesterday. Faith restored, it was just too much, too soon, handled wrongly.

I also had 5 mins on s friends gypsy cob. Beautiful girl and what everyone at my yard advised me to go for. It honestly reminded me exactly why I chose to ignore that advice and made me love my boy more than ever. Quirks and all.

I confess I took a small dose of diazepam to help me get on this morning and I don't know if it took the edge off but I don't think I needed it.

That's good to hear. A friend of mine swears by Bachs Rescue Remedy before she does scary stuff - may be slightly less drastic than diazepam! My horse is doing an Eventer Challenge tomorrow with a friend - it's a weird feeling seeing him do stuff I was planning to do, but I'm very grateful to her for taking him on and keeping him going. She's an extremely good rider and I'm learning a lot watching someone else riding him.

I find it hard sharing mine for others to ride after such a short time too. But I don't think anyone is offering to make a habit of it. Which is sad in a way because he's lovely to ride and bloody hell if I still enjoy him in the most part being still fairly novice he can't be that frightening.

Yard owner is going to the beach on Monday with a friend and I did ask if there was room for me. But she thinks even though he loves the beach (from pics old owner) it'll be too much for him and I guess she's right.

Clever horse & friend were 3rd out of 28 in their class on Sunday! She did a great job with him and it was fun to see him being ridden at something like that. Hope things are going ok Bandito and Puppymouse.

That's amazing frosty!!

I'm taking one day at a time and focusing on the positives. Things are settling at the yard since I've just told them all I'm not selling him and I just need to get my head down and get on with it. We're having some improvements done at the yard so lots of diggers everywhere. Not conducive to a calm schooling session so we long reined around the field. He was brilliant. The way he's carrying himself is much better than when he first arrived. I guess it must be that he's in less pain now.

Can I please join you. My new horse arrived yesterday. I rode for the first time today and it's hit me how low my confidence is. She was fairly good but had a bit of a dance around in a few places. I just wanted to get back ASAP and get off her. Where did my confidence go. I was looking forward to cross country and show jumping. Today is have panicked if we'd broken into trot. This feels like I've made a huge mistake. X

Mummy massive congrats on your new ponio!

I chuckle to myself because I actually planned to do some clear round when I was looking for mine. Now? I'd be ecstatic to have a bunny hop-free schooling session or one solo walk round the village I think unless you're used to hopping on different horses regularly it's a big deal. Even though mine's unpredictable I'd rather ride him than any other as I love how he feels.

Let's all agree to give ourselves a break and take our time xxx

Thanks Puppy, you're right. I've just found a Riding with Confidence course running next week. I've also booked a saddle check. Keep on keeping on. (And wine helps). X

I've had every bloody thing checked I can (saddle is one thing eluding me because of not finding a time when I can be there). And then at least you cross it off.

I quite fancy a confidence and horsemanship camp with my boy but no idea where I 'd find such a thing, how I'd get him there and how I'd get away for anything longer than a day or two!