I feel like I can't do right at my SCITT school

[fluffyslipper1]

(guys if you comment please try not to quote the post-thank you!)
I had a bad day today and just needed somewhere to talk about it . Theres a member of staff who I'm sure hates me, not really 100% sure why, but I think that she has a reason but as to what I dunno.

First issue, she comes into my teaching room and shouts out - who are you then... I said who I was and her immediate response was 'honestly I had a my name once and she was an utter b. So I took a second and just laughed it off but actually deep down it really hurt, I have such a low self esteem right now I didn't need to hear it, all it made me think was she doesn't even know me and she hates me.

Then today I was handling some behaviour issues and she waltzed over and said 'you can just do xyz' but I was fine and handling it. We then have a coffee machine which requires a special coin and we can only use that if we have supported in the detention room - so I asked her (in fairness there was a student she was helping at the time ) but I asked and she just said 'no we dont' I feel she may have had one but she didn't want to let me have one anyway.

Thankfully a member of the catering team saw me about to pay and offered me one which made me feel a little better. I just feel really low and tbh a bit teary while typing it. She comes across as a bit mean and anytime I see her it just upsets me a bit.

Any advice?

@InspectorAlleyn

Honestly, OP, you need to think about whether teaching is for you. Training is hard, but you really seem to be obsessing over your relationships with the other teachers, rather than whether you are doing a good job or making an impact on the students.

I knew this post would be from you before I opened it, as you have posted so many times about your current placement and your thoughts on the other staff. You need to let it go.

I’m not surprised she was abrupt if you interrupted her when she was with a pupil. I would not have been impressed either!

The post was a while ago check the date. I've not even bothered replying now.

OP
I don't know if you realise but with each thread you're sounding more and more arsey with people who have repeatedly taken the time to offer advice and guidance based on their experiences across a range of schools.

Is there a chance that you're taking this attitude into school and this is exacerbating whatever tensions are going on? I only ask because I can think of a trainee I worked with who was always full of issues, claimed staff were mean/unhelpful/cold and as someone looking in I saw supportive staff who were doing their jobs in addition to supporting a trainee, and a trainee with what I'd best describe as a serious attitude problem.

@LolaSmiles

OP I don't know if you realise but with each thread you're sounding more and more arsey with people who have repeatedly taken the time to offer advice and guidance based on their experiences across a range of schools.

Is there a chance that you're taking this attitude into school and this is exacerbating whatever tensions are going on? I only ask because I can think of a trainee I worked with who was always full of issues, claimed staff were mean/unhelpful/cold and as someone looking in I saw supportive staff who were doing their jobs in addition to supporting a trainee, and a trainee with what I'd best describe as a serious attitude problem.

You can think what you like that's completely fine. I don't have the time to fabricate events. I accept your advice. This isn't a new post. It's fine if you don't want to offer advice. Thanks for whatever support you've shown.

It's reasonably new in the last couple of days, and is part of what must be almost a dozen all with variations on a theme.

For what it's worth, I don't think you're fabricating events. I think you have unrealistic expectations and your negative placement experience might be being exacerbated by your own negative outlook.

(The following are obviously anonymised but based on real situations I've seen and encountered during mentor training, but it might be useful for your reflection).
Trainee felt that staff weren't very helpful. It transpired that the trainee was sending lessons over the night before a lesson for feedback or on weekends, which was after the training provider deadlines. When the lessons didn't go to plan the trainee believed this was the colleague's fault for not being supportive as they had sent materials over and in their eyes the class teacher had let them down.
Trainee claimed their mentor wasn't very supportive. They wanted to speak to their mentor, but the mentor was running a revision class/speaking to another colleague about a pressing pastoral issue. When the trainee interrupted and was told to come back later or speak to the mentor tomorrow, the trainee didn't and when it came up in the mentor meeting the trainee was arsey and said "well I DID ask for help, but you said you couldn't".
Trainee felt they were excluded from the department and had a range of events that 'proved' this was the case. The list included two colleagues continued their conversation as they entered the staffroom at the end of yard duty, colleagues discussed controlled assessment moderation and this was excluding the trainee because they didn't teach GCSE.

The trainees haven't fabricated events, but they are viewing situations through a lens that positions them firmly as a victim, which means they were unlikely to develop professionally unless they were willing to reflect on their own actions.

It's just not possible to get on with everyone you meet. You've made it very clear that this isn't the school for you; I can't see that dwelling on all the things you don't like about it is doing you any good and I have to be honest, if someone came up to me asking for coffee tokens while I was clearly busy with a child, they'd get short shrift irrespective of teaching status.

You've got a choice here; you can accept this school as a valuable lesson in what you don't want out of a work environment or you can choose to let it drag you down. But you do seem to have unrealistic expectations of the staff, to be honest.

As for her "hating" you - I really doubt that she even remembers this exchange. You are catastrophising hugely.

I am an over-thinker and now an experienced teacher. I have spent (and still spend) a lot of time in my career thinking back over conversations, wondering whether I should have said something different, wondering whether I came across as an idiot etc. I am now at the stage where I can generally tell myself that no, I didn’t do anything wrong, what I said was fine/appropriate and any perceived negative reaction was either a) imagined on my part because I was feeling insecure or b) minor and probably as a result of something else entirely which I had no control over. It does take time to get there though.

I have also over-analysed my exchanges with student teachers and, with them, am always at pains to apologise if I decide I might have upset them, but for every time I think of something I might have done, there may be several times when they found me to be brusque, uninterested or difficult which didn’t even register with me. I hope, on balance, all left with a positive impression of my contribution to their training but over all the years I’ve done it, there must be some who felt I was mean or uncaring. I think you need to allow for the fact that you may not have got it 100% right and neither may this other teacher. She may have recognised that her joke on the first day fell flat, but not wanted to raise it again for fear of making it worse than it is. I don’t understand the coffee token thing at all, if you’re saying they can be earned as “payment” for doing an undesirable task, why would she want to hand her own over? Have I misunderstood that aspect?