I need advice with behaviour management or I think I'm going to fail my NQT

[pinkrocker]

I started school this year with the intention of being firm but fair. I've tried really, really hard but it appears that although my class really like me and we have a great relationship, the respect is not there, and they see me as a friend.
I have a lot of shouting out, and low level silliness.
How can I improve from the start of next term?
My class behave impeccably (I've seen it!) with every other teacher but me, so I MUST improve or I'll be on a support plan. My HT is supportive though!
My HT has arranged for me to observe every other teacher in school so far as she wants to help me pass my NQT and I've asked to go and observe other teachers in different schools if possible and hopefully that will happen too.
I need to start afresh. But I'm not sure how to restart my behaviour management when my class know me well already?
Thanks for reading.

I am very shit at acting interested in little ones dramas. Luckily they too are pretty shit at caring whether you are interested. I know the entire life story of on of my year 7s and that of every member of her family.

I actually feel a bit mean sometimes but everything needs spelling out, you are talking over me is that ok? Would it be good manners anywhere? Is it even worse in a classroom where the person you are interrupting is trying to teach 30 people?

That was the exact interaction with a year 7 on Friday in front of the whole class with him inserting the correct answer in each pointed pause after the question mark.

The good thing about acting cross and hugely displeased sometimes is it solves problems before they get to the stage where you really are that cross. I don't like being genuinely shouty and cross and some kids will push until they get the cross treatment ergo it's better to act it at a lower threshold itms.

I hate being cross and shouty. The horrible thing is, they do calm and quieten right down afterwards which has led me (absolutely wrongly) to use this strategy in behaviour management.
I've asked them: do you like it when I shout? I'd say 70% say no, and the others shrug and say "meh, whatever" which shows it's not a good thing for us as a class.

I'm an NQT+ 1 (secondary) and I struggled with behaviour last year.

It does sound like you are way, way too hung up on them liking you/being happy. What I have learned this year is that has to come after! Yes, lessons should be engaging, but that's different to fun, and that's different to students liking you.

Sometimes you will need to shout, and that is not wrong or a failure on your part.

Does the school have a decent behaviour system? If so, stick to it absolutely rigidly- they need to see you are consistent! If not, pick a really simple system and stick to it/explain it. I would go for something like "warning" "second warning with an action attached e.g. moving seats, being sent out the room briefly etc," and "Third warning which comes with a serious sanction that they don't like- e.g. lunchtime detention". Obviously also praise the good in a meaningful way, too!

With my trickiest classes last year, I often found I let little things slip- these soon accumulated and became big things! But when I was "strict" and had consistently high expectations, things did improve. Remind them of the expectations at the start of every lesson, if you need to!

I do also find when teaching Y7/8, being a bit larger than life in both my enthusiasm for the subject and my "crossness" really helps. Shouting is not a failure at all, but it helps a lot if it is a controlled shout. IMO, it doesn't matter if they like it or not.

@SansaSnark thanks for your comments. I'm not hung up on them liking me now, that has definitely been my weakness and my issue in the past. But you're right, it's something I need to move on from.
I've read loads this week and written down some excellent strategies from people on here and from elsewhere so will be implementing from this week, fingers crossed.

Good luck pink. There's a million theories but picking one approach and sticking to it for a term is definitely the key imo.

At that age I'd hope lots of, 'oh how sad', 'oh what a shame', 'oh dear I'm so disappointed' etc would help.

Good luck whatever approach you take

I have taught every age group at various points, and last year was mentor to secondary NQT.

Some amazing advice here, the books mentioned are great.

My main advice to new female teachers is to be a bitch. Completely shut off emotionally and be the boss (act this, I know it’s impossible to shut off emotionally). Like others have said, kids can smell it when you want to be liked. I used to pretend I was a boss in a weird company. Sometimes they’d salute me like a drill sergeant

This is controversial but am against any sanction that causes you more stress like phoning home- this is from previous experience where the school didn’t have a behaviour policy so it was the only thing we could do. We’d end up phoning 20+ patents a night, it was awful. The school should have a policy that supports you, if it doesn’t mention this to your mentor/HT.

Don’t beat yourself up or think you’re failing because of their behaviour, yes it is your job to try and control them but honestly, especially at the moment, a lot is out of your control. In time you will get more confident, learn to shut off more and learn which behaviour needs which sanction according to each pupils needs (not an easy task).

I’ve always thought women have a harder job at behaviour. Voice in particular needs work- we are conditioned socially to artificially raise our voices which can become very grating over long periods. Lower your voice and own the room by walking around and showing you’re in charge and confident.

Also something I’ve noticed from lesson observations- try to keep your own talking to A minimum, whether that’s pupils reading their own instructions, they read out stuff from the board etc. It really helps. You’ll feel less knackered too.

I think this advice was on one of the books but I loved it- assume a facial expression as if you’ve just noticed it’s raining outside ie disappointed. If behaviour improves in the future you can relax this but this should be default. Smile only with control (took me ages to master this!).

Also consistency and stamina- another thing you only learn with time but it really is crucial, and I think the hardest part of behaviour management. As soon as you’ve stated a rule and then go back on it you’ll lose them. Try not to make a rod for your own back by issuing crazy threats under pressure (everyone does this!).

Oh and everyone shouts sometimes. I hate doing it only because it tires me but honestly I’ve seen some kids blasted by staff and it’s the only thing they respond to. Don’t feel bad about it. Just try not to do it in an observation as it gives out a sense of lost control.

The more I see of teaching the more I believe that the only real difference between a good teacher and a crap one is if you care or not. You obviously do. This is a very tricky time to be a teacher, be kind to yourself.

God sorry about my absolute tome, totally triggered

Brilliant tome though

Thanks! Much appreciated.

I hope it went well today x

Thank you @JanetandJohn500, it was TT day today, so tomorrow is the start of the new me!

Reiterate your expectations at the start of the day. Set them up to succeed and keep reminding them of the expectation. Find every reason to praise the good and take it a session at a time!

Love @Regretsy advice.
My top tips are (sorry if repeating):
Greet every child with their name and smile at start of day
Praise good behaviour first, "Gemma is standing so nicely in the line" others will likely follow without you needing to tell them off
Acting confused or disappointed with a good stare (I'm normal circumstances I'd also say v close proximity as well) if child doing something they shouldn't
Be really organised with your lessons (there's a reason ch are better behaved when Ofsted are there)
Relentless routines - if they line up noisily, everyone sits down and you try again for example, even if it takes a few goes
Make time for behaviour management or teaching good behaviour if needed, dont just plough on with the day if they've been naughty all morning, talk to them about it, remind them of expectations

Have a shout occasionally if warranted, they need to know it's in your toolkit
Good luck!

Also this

Hello, it’s me again, the over sharer. I was back in a lesson today and just to let you know re seating (saw an experienced teacher do this today and was shocked), if a kid asks to sit next to their friend, tells you they’re chatty, and the ta gives them a warning, do not whatever you do let that child sit next to their friend! . Apologies if this is obvious.
If behaviour is an issue sometimes a new seating plan can help to re establish boundaries- sit them boy/girl, if you have space then ringleaders on their own, annoying ones near you, attention seekers at the back. Also kids hate being moved seats so you can use this as a punishment. One teacher I love calls this the ‘chair of death’ and really hams it up.
Also a lesson from this same teacher today- read your pupil’s SEN info. She asked all kids to ‘tell me something about yourself’ and things got v awkward when she got to the kid who is a selective mute- could have been avoided!
Teaching is so nuanced and there’s a lot to learn, even if you’ve got years of experience!

I can't read the red wwy could you post a link?

Sorry no, it's a screenshot of a ppt from my teacher training!
It says Sanctions, kept in at break, time out, suspension, exclusion...
It's basically saying the more you do in the proactive and deflective columns, the less you need high profile and damaging consequences

You need a simple fail safe strategy here from an experienced teacher as it is hard to learn by watching others (as you have found) as they already have the respect there.

You have year 6 (I'm secondary) so modify this a little I do this with year 7.

Single out the little ring leader who is the worst/starts everything off or one of them if there are several. When things are escalating walk quietly right in front of the kids desk. Bang a textbook down on the desk in front of them so it's scary and makes every single kid jump and look up. ' I have told you to be quiet' loud and firm and if you are female lower your voice down an octave or two (female teachers need to learn this early as squeaky female voices do not command respect-I have two voices for example lol) they will think 'shit she means business' and you only have to do this once they will get it. I've only done it about 3 times max in 16 years as then you get a reputation for not being one to mess with and they don't do it again. You need to be brave and literally do it Monday. Also use your stood up physical presence get up close to the naughty ones and stand write behind them while they are working. Don't do any of the pleading stuff that has been suggested above. You are in charge not them.

I am also a fan of 'the detention game' or the 'staying in at break game' which is a game YOU always win. This is good when the entire class are naughty. Every irritating thing that happens one line on the board for 1 min at break. The game is, the last kid to do something and get the last min does ALL of the minutes at break. This works INCREDIBLY well as the person who causes it shuts up pretty quickly while the wait for someone else to take over the minutes. It silences the naughtiest immediately. Let me know how you get on!! Remember there is nothing wrong with being strict.

Hello everyone
Thanks for all your comments and your brilliant, helpful advice. I had my second NQT obs at this school (hopefully the last) and I'll get feedback tomorrow, but on leaving the HT did say it was 100% better than the last obs she did on me.
However, I now feel that the job just isn't for me anymore, although I adore the school and the kids, the absolute overwhelming tiredness and inability to sleep (keep waking up, despite trying to go to bed early/complete stuff at school/print out what I need a for next day & have everything planned.. at the end of the day my mind just won't switch off) and its wrecking me. Consistently being on top of behaviour is wearing me out, I have spent the last month doing absolutely everything people have suggested to combat the low level silliness which has absolutely worked. But I'm knackered, I'm too bloody old to be feeling this way, dreading the week ahead on a Sunday.
I'm struggling to stay awake on the drive home in the dark which is really scaring me. It's just not feasible for me. So I don't know what to do.

If I get my NQT signed off I'll at least feel I've accomplished something and not wasted 3 years at uni being a mature student to get my degree!

Congratulations on the improvement in behaviour!
I'm sorry you're feeling so tired and overwhelmed right now.
We've all been there, teaching is very hard, especially when you're starting out.
This term is also the longest and hardest.
In spring they start to show real progress and you will feel more comfortable and confidence.
In my experience teachers tend to have a very difficult first year, an easier second year, but its then in their third year they really feel confident and can really enjoy their jobs.
Its like having a baby. You've got to get through the newborn stage of never sleeping etc but it's worth doing!
Hope you figure out what's best to do.

Mummylockdown- is that some kind of joke? Banging books on desks and making a game out of collective punishment is a sure fire way for an NQT to totally lose control of a class.
Behaviour management 101- you’re an adult and they are children. Getting drawn into ridiculous battles of will with teenagers is a bit desperate and pathetic and that’s exactly the kind of thing a really difficult year 8 or 9 class would find absolutely hilarious. I’d love to know what you do when you’ve banged the book, done the whole “I’ve told you...” thing and they then laugh or just roll their eyes or say “calm down”.
I’ve worked with people who do that sort of thing and the kids behaved poorly in their classes.
The people I see with the best behaviour in their classes just have consistently firm boundaries. They don’t shout, don’t collectively punish and certainly don’t use physical intimidation or scare tactics. They set the expectations firmly and aren’t afraid of enforcing them. If I observed someone using your minutes on the board for everything annoying technique, I’d assume they were too intimidated by the poorly behaved kids to tackle them individually.

Op- well done on your lesson observation. I know that behaviour can be a difficult thing to master. I found it tricky in my first year or two and would overthink things. It’s really strange though. When behaviour does click you’ll find that you go in just expecting your classes to behave and they do. You actually stop noticing all of the things that you are doing to manage behaviour and they just become automatic and less mentally exhausting to juggle. I don’t drive but I’ve heard people compare it to that. When you first start you have to concentrate on every little thing, after a while you just do them without even noticing.

@pinkrocker

Hello everyone Thanks for all your comments and your brilliant, helpful advice. I had my second NQT obs at this school (hopefully the last) and I'll get feedback tomorrow, but on leaving the HT did say it was 100% better than the last obs she did on me. However, I now feel that the job just isn't for me anymore, although I adore the school and the kids, the absolute overwhelming tiredness and inability to sleep (keep waking up, despite trying to go to bed early/complete stuff at school/print out what I need a for next day & have everything planned.. at the end of the day my mind just won't switch off) and its wrecking me. Consistently being on top of behaviour is wearing me out, I have spent the last month doing absolutely everything people have suggested to combat the low level silliness which has absolutely worked. But I'm knackered, I'm too bloody old to be feeling this way, dreading the week ahead on a Sunday. I'm struggling to stay awake on the drive home in the dark which is really scaring me. It's just not feasible for me. So I don't know what to do.

If I get my NQT signed off I'll at least feel I've accomplished something and not wasted 3 years at uni being a mature student to get my degree!

This year is especially draining with Covid etc. I'm 100% more tired than I was on my NQT year.

If you're feeling exhausted, don't be afraid to take a day off. If you crash your car, you'll definitely be off!

If you're struggling to sleep despite feeling exhausted, please speak to your GP.

@MadameMinimes

Mummylockdown- is that some kind of joke? Banging books on desks and making a game out of collective punishment is a sure fire way for an NQT to totally lose control of a class. Behaviour management 101- you’re an adult and they are children. Getting drawn into ridiculous battles of will with teenagers is a bit desperate and pathetic and that’s exactly the kind of thing a really difficult year 8 or 9 class would find absolutely hilarious. I’d love to know what you do when you’ve banged the book, done the whole “I’ve told you...” thing and they then laugh or just roll their eyes or say “calm down”. I’ve worked with people who do that sort of thing and the kids behaved poorly in their classes. The people I see with the best behaviour in their classes just have consistently firm boundaries. They don’t shout, don’t collectively punish and certainly don’t use physical intimidation or scare tactics. They set the expectations firmly and aren’t afraid of enforcing them. If I observed someone using your minutes on the board for everything annoying technique, I’d assume they were too intimidated by the poorly behaved kids to tackle them individually.

I think it depends actually- I agree some classes would react exactly how you describe.

But equally, some classes see you staying calm all the time as a challenge- they keep pushing because they want to find out what will eventually make the teacher snap.

I'd just add that my HoD encouraged me to use a similar minutes on the board tactic last year, and also encouraged me with one class to "perform getting angry"- not actually losing it, but showing the kids that they had crossed a line. It actually worked pretty well- whereas staying 100% calm all the time and enforcing sanctions hadn't. For whatever reason, that class needed to see me "getting angry" with them.

I think different things work with different classes and work for different people.