Vicious email from Headtacher

[uselessteacher]

Namechanged for this. Have tried to give minimal details so as not to out myself.

My headteacher sent me an email to say that she isn't prepared to pay for a year's postgraduate course that she had previously agreed to pay for. She also said that she didn't feel I had the knowledge or skills for the course, which until now, she has been very happy to send me on. She has been saying for a very long time that the role which this course would have led to pretty much had my name on it, and that she was lining me up to take over when the current post holder retires in a couple of years' time. I know that she can't guarantee this, but that's another story. The course was due to start this week and my application was complete with the exception of the headteacher's declaration, which she had said previously would be no problem at all, and that I should 'big myself up' on the application form and she would help me to do this if I needed any support.

Needless to say I was very surprised to hear that she had gone back on everything that she had said previously. I really didn't see it coming at all and was very disappointed that I would no longer be able to start the course this week. I have now withdrawn my application.

But she didn't stop there. She continued her one and a half sides of A4 and criticised my classroom teaching ability, which she has done numerous times before. And said that 'a good deal of work needs to go into supporting you to develop further your understanding of x, y and z.' Her comments in her email just twist the knife even further and make me feel like I am a desperately failing classroom practitioner. I have taught for nearly twenty years and have never had such negative feedback in lesson observations, yet I don't feel that I have suddenly become a far worse teacher. My confidence has hit rock bottom. I feel sick at the thought of replying to her email (so I haven't) and I feel panicky about going back into school. I don't want to call in sick as I can't face having to talk to her; I'd rather just go in and keep my head down and get on with my job. Don't really know why I'm posting, just totally deflated, hurt, upset and feeling like I want out of this school, but knowing how difficult that is going to be when I'm relying on a reference from a head who thinks I have behaviour management issues. And, just to top it all off, I have a peer observation this week which has filled me with dread all weekend.

Reading it all with the time of year it is... the budget's come up, it's not pretty (they're all universally dire around here - I'm a governor)... and she's desperately looking for cost savings to be made - and pushing an older expensive teacher out and going back on promises made are the biggest she can find.

In the nicest possible way OP, this does sound strange:

Since I've been out of the classroom working on the role that was created specially for me to 'take the pressure off' and 'play to my strengths'

Obviously I could be completely wide of the mark, but why would you have had a role created specially for you to 'take the pressure off' ? How can any school afford to have a senior teacher, not teaching ? How can they afford to pay a senior teacher who is not prepared to 'go back in the classroom' ?

It does seem there might be more to this than what you have posted, from your perspective.

I think your HT has been very silly to put all that in an e-mail to you, and not follow formal competency procedures if she thinks she has a case, and if that isn't the situation (and I apologise profusely if I have misread what you have written), but if she doesn't think that, then she is even sillier to put it in an e-mail.

IME, unions will let you join the union at a time you need them. I would certainly contact them and ask how you should proceed. I wouldn't answer the e-mail without their advice, and I certainly wouldn't go to a meeting without a union rep there to support you and record clearly what is said.

These bullying types work by making you feel too ashamed and beaten to fight back.

If you’re thinking of leaving anyway I’d collect all the evidence of her unreasonable behaviour as I could and get a solicitor to write threatening them with a constructive dismissal claim unless they provide an agreed reference and settle.

Governors will have to know about it and if she pulls this sort of stunt with anyone else then it may give them an idea of what kind of person she is.

I presume the course is the NASENCo and you’ve been out of the classroom as assistant senco or similar?

My guess is that someone cheaper and younger has expressed an interest in doing the role and she wants them instead?

I would join a union now as I wouldn’t ever work in a school without being in one-you’re leaving yourself very vulnerable. In my experience though, union involvement in such matters makes SLT even more determined to make your life miserable!

Cut your losses and apply for a senco role-most adverts say they are happy to train you.

In my experience as a school governor, for any extraordinary spending like this would have to be agreed with the board of governors, can you establish whether this was the case with your course? You would then be able to call out the head on withdrawing the support, as she would have had to have a good case to get the spending agreed in the first place.

Makes me really cross you're going through this. Wonder if your heads gets off on making other people feel like shit. I bet the kids love you. Stay strong and speak to your friends. Not sure why your DH is being a prick?!

A union will not represent you in this as you were not a member when the difficulty occurred. I’m sorry but I can’t believe that a senior teacher, who must have seen what goes on in schools, has never ‘got round to’ joining a union! What on earth were you thinking???
It’s done now, of course, and it’s clear that your head would rather you weren’t there any more. I would get out of there as soon as humanly possible. If she really does want rid you will find that you will be classroom based and your ‘created’ post will disappear. Get looking now. Good luck. And join a union!

Just walked to pop back to update. I sent a short, considered response to the head saying that I was disappointed she had withdrawn her support and I would, therefore, be applying for other posts where the school was prepared to put me on the training course. In this way, she wouldn't be surprised to receive reference requests. I didn't expect her to be pleased, but I was careful in my wording in order not to provoke her. Her reply was totally unprofessional, calling me rude, sulky and a spoilt child, telling me never to behave toward anyone in the school the way I behaved toward her. Oh, and she agreed to pay for the course immediately, signing whatever was necessary to get me on the course (after the chair of governors told her he wouldn't spend public money on it). Not really expecting a reply, just venting. I behaved totally professionally, and made a point of being pleasant in the few times I've seen her in the last fortnight. Now I have to swallow my pride, grit my teeth and send an apologetic email to her to try and clear the air. Glad it's half term next week. I can't continue working with this atmosphere 😢

I don't think you should do the course. What's the point of it if it ties you into a toxic workplace? Have you confirmed your place?

I think the chair of governors would like to read that unprofessional email calling you a spoilt child...

No do not send her an apology, you stood up for yourself professionally, YOU are not one of her pupils!

Is it the senco course?

I would be resigning at the end of the month.

If your email really was professional then there's no need to send any kind of apology. You clearly communicating what she doesn't want to hear isn't your fault.

Plus, join the bloody union today!

Thanks lovelies. I love the support of fellow teachers, that's what makes us so amazing.

I joined a union, but as it was after her initial email, I doubt they'd get involved.

It was the SENCO course, yes. The cohort I had hoped to join had already started now so it's too late to go ahead, and as someone said, would I really want to do it at that school and be tied there for the next three years (she said I'd have to sign something to say I'd stay for two years after finishing the course). I'd quit tomorrow if I thought I would get a SENCO post before I've got the award, but I don't think it's very likely, so I really need to stay put in order to keep plodding on. I already know she won't be completely positive about my teaching as she's got it in her head that I've got behaviour management issues, although she has said in her email that she would give me a glowing reference for the attention to detail in my SEN work.

I agree that I shouldn't apologise but I'm terrified of being summoned to her office like a naughty child and having aviation's hurled at me. At least communicating by email gives me the evidence, should it get to the point that I want to, well, I'm not sure what! I don't think I'm brave enough to make a complaint against her, my life would be absolute hell for the remainder of my time at the school.

She advised me of 'coldly turning my back' on her when she came to collect something from my room, and this seems to be the thing that has angered her the most. I remember her coming in, but I couldn't even tell you where I was in the classroom at the time, so turning my back in a rude way was definitely unintentional otherwise I'd have remembered. Unless anyone has any other ideas that will calm her down (short of handing her my resignation!) I was planning to say something along the lines of 'Sorry you the impression that I was rude, but in actual fact I was trying to maintain a quiet professionalism whilst being very disappointed about the course'. I don't feel that I should apologise, other than to clear the air and that she is obviously expecting me to. I also need to tell her that of the options she gave me in her first email, my preferred choice is the one where I start the course in a year's time and not be tied in to work with her so I can leave at the earliest opportunity She sees that she's been generous in her offer of putting a support plan in place to prepare me for the course that she said I could do before she changed her mind. What a flipping mess 😢

Accusations, not aviations 😏

Don’t apologise.

If she used the words ‘sulky, spoilt child’ in an EMAIL!? To you? I would be forwarding that email to the chair of governors as a complaint about her conduct.

I would complain about the ‘mixed messages’ and bullying style of management. Phone your union for actual real life advice about which bits they will help with.

Fuck me did she actually say sulky etc in her emails?! On top of being unprofessional it's idiotic of her to leave a paper trail by emailing you rather than speaking in person. Hope it gets sorted out and Headzilla doesn't make your life a misery there when you're just trying to do your job!

Sitting here with a blank email in front of me. I know I have to acknowledge her but I can't bring myself to type anything. I feel at a complete loss as to what I should say. I can't bring myself to call anyone because I can't say out loud the way that she's made me feel - it's like saying it will reinforce what she's told me and I don't want anyone to know what she thinks of me. Just had an enormous row with DH about it as well and couldn't even face making tea or doing bedtime with my DC. I really am trying to rise above it but I'm struggling to come to terms with the things she said in her email. Yes, ThatCurlyGirl, she really did use those words. She said, amongst other things, "you have responded with rudeness, sulkiness and an accusation that I have withdrawn my support. The email you have sent me is the email of a spoilt child on not getting 100% her own way" and goes on to say "I cannot tell you how disappointed I am in you personally, for this response".

I'm devastated.

Ok slow down. Have you shown your DH the email? Why is he being an arse about you being bullied at work?

Because this is what this is. Personal attacks from your boss are never justifiable.

Yes, I forwarded them to him as soon as I got them and the only response I had from him all day was a text saying 'She's obviously very angry and wrote it without reflecting'. It felt as though he was telling me she was justified in her comments. Perhaps she is and I'm in the wrong, I don't know any more. I'd hoped he might have asked if I was ok or told me that she was out of order, anything that might have made me feel like he's behind me.

Woah, don't do anything.
Get advice.

Doing nothing might be the most powerful action. But, you are almost certainly better off out of there. Hand in your notice and use her email as leverage to get a good reference.

Bloody hell OP you poor thing - that feeling of your stomach flipping when you get a horrible email is just the worst :( your DH is being ridiculous and a bit odd to be honest - why is he not backing you up? I'm so sorry what an awful situation

Get in touch with the union now if you have joined. They can possibly help with your response, and it will be helpful to talk it all through.