Does anyone else feel anxious on days off?

[LaserShark]

Over the last half term I’ve noticed how anxious and tense I feel at weekends. I put it down to the stress of having to cram in work around looking after children/the house as my DH works a lot of weekends so I have always had that shadow of lesson planning/marking hanging over me.

However, I’m starting to wonder if it might be because my body is so wired all week for the constant, relentless, crushing pressure of every day and then when it’s the weekend or holidays, I’m still flooded with all the tension that keeps me going through work days but I have nowhere to direct it?

I feel panicky doing anything - just going to the supermarket gets me really fearful. I worry about driving, convinced I’ll have an accident. I can’t bear the thought of socialising. I feel like something as simple as taking the kids to the park is a huge and frightening task. I feel really absent from my life. I don’t hear conversations half the time. I just want to stay in bed with a book.

I know I’m in a really bad state as far as work goes but I honestly don’t know what to do. We can’t afford for me to quit and I am so stressed and exhausted that I don’t know where I would begin embarking on a new career. At least I’m good at teaching, even if it is destroying me.

Just wondered if anyone feels similar?

I recognise the feeling of being overwhelmed with so many things to do and so little time. And not taking in everything that's said or is happening. Definitely the stress of work when you can't shake the feeling that you should be marking and planning.

But the rest, no. Are you primary or secondary. If secondary, the pressure plummets once 11s and 13s are gone. Between now and then, you need some time away even it's just afternoons out with the family and no phone. Talk to your line manager - get some help at work too.

Good god woman. There is more to life than working with this much pressure. Hand your notice in and find a much more relaxing career!

Tbh, I expected people to come on and say they felt the same! It’s secondary. I know Y11 are high stakes but at least my Y11 classes are well behaved! I’m so on edge with battling behaviour lower down in school. All my colleagues seem completely miserable so I thought people on here would say this is just teaching. I’m in my eleventh year and I’m newish to my current school but felt the same in the last one. Workload and behaviour are just too much. I can’t face looking for another school either - I had a brutal interview in December that tore my confidence to shreds. At least at this school, I’m consistently rated outstanding and have been moved up to UPS3.

I know you say you can't afford to take a pay cut but nothing is worth your health. Even if it means reorganizing your families whole life and moving if necessary surely it would be worth it for you all.

I would suggest speaking to your doctor but please don't let this be a substitute for looking at maybe going part time or looking at other jobs.

You are amazing at teacher I am sure you will be amazing at other jobs too. If you don't look after yourself now you will probably only feel worse later down the line for it.

Good luck for your future.

I dropped to 0.8 and am making a very conscious effort to disengage once I am at home. It took me about a year to train myself, but most
of the time when I am at home now I am not in panic mode.

I feel ill every weekend as I convince myself I'm going to be ill so my brain gets me into that state. My bowels are always a mess at the weekend as I get so anxious about it. It's like I live for the weekend and look forward to it so much that when it comes I'm so worried about something going wrong or being ill that my brain makes me ill.

I really feel for you OP and know exactly where you are coming form xx

I am 0.8 already but I am going to ask to drop to 0.6 and that might help clear my head a bit so that I can figure out what else to do if they’ll agree to it. I’m sorry that other people feel like this too. It’s just a never ending job.

I probably should see my doctor but I can’t seem to bring myself to pick up the phone to make an appointment.

I had a post the other day about this! I’ve been on half term this week and my anxiety has been catastrophic. I’ve spent most of the week worrying and finding basic things completely overwhelming. I need to make some decisions this half term about the future, and feel paralysed with indecision...

That’s the problem, unicorn! It takes such a heavy toll that it feels impossible to make even everyday decisions like what to make for tea, so making a big life changing decision feels insurmountable. I know this will sound like a terrible thing to say but I keep fantasising about having an accident or illness so that I could legitimately have a few months off and get better so that I could work out what to do with my life. At the moment, it’s non stop firefighting day to day with no opportunity to step back and look at the bigger picture.

As for making changes to our life - last year we finally managed to move out of our tiny, cramped house in a not-wonderful area to somewhere lovely and I feel I could not be so selfish as to make my whole family pay for my inability to handle my job. But they are all paying right now because I’m so useless at home and my low mood is obviously affecting us all. So I don’t know.

This post has helped though; thanks for all the replies. I’ve booked a career clinic consultation for Thursday to explore other options!

Are you in a state school? I teach in an independent school (secondary) and although the hours are pretty brutal, the level of scrutiny and the need for bureaucracy seems, as far as I can see from threads on here, to be far, far less intrusive.

I’m in an independent school. There’s lots of scrutiny here unfortunately 😱 though this wasn’t the case until very recently. I need to stop worrying about offending the SLT by wanting to leave and just follow it through I think. A couple of jobs have come up that would be suitable so need to be brave and approach it head on tomorrow. I hate the fact that in teaching you have to tell them in advance!

Not a teacher but yes. This resonates with me very strongly.

I work compressed hours in a management role in the creative sector, so 40 hours split across 4 days (in reality I work 9-5, then 2-4 hours each night of the week when DS in bed- I do way over 40 hours most weeks).

I find the Friday (day I’m not in the office) particularly difficult. Christmas was hellish.
It’s because my job is a) so full on and b) my workload is too much for one person regardless of hours- at least when I’m working I’m “controlling” the situation.

It makes me horribly sad that I’m wasting much of DS’ toddlerhood a tightly wound knot of stress, but not much choice- am a LP and wouldn’t be able to survive on less salary. And I do love the work- just wish it came with a better work/life balance.

I had a brutal interview

This is disgraceful. There is a problem with retention in the profession yet arrogant members of SLT think they can treat interviewees badly? Remember - it’s not you, it’s them!!

to OP

Sheep yes to feeling in control of the chaos when in work and totally stressed when off work! And also to it being a good job, just with too much work for one person. If only there was a sane and sensible culture of work-life balance in this country.

Hope, I gathered after the shock of the interview wore off that i had likely been invited as back up in case the RQT they were interviewing had three heads or something. As soon as it was apparent that she was a competent candidate, they jettisoned me - I’m UPS, part time so I guess as they were confident they could have someone much cheaper instead, they didn’t need to be polite or pleasant to me anymore. It was horrible, but I know I’m lucky not to be working for people like that. I just could not face going through it again.

I find it hard to relax at home. I’m part time too and try to achieve so much on my days off - it’s like I’m permanently set to overdrive! I think I might try to read a book for an hour on a day I’m off - and definitely no reading work emails.

I understand where you are coming from. I get used to functioning at a certain pitch and then when it’s the holidays I start to feel really low.

I’m a depressive person anyway, and my DH has a very life limiting illness but I do struggle with the transition.

I’m better when I plan for a busy few days at the start of the holiday. Then wind down slowly. My own DC think I’m mad but it does help.

Do see the gp op. If only to talk things through.

I recognise all of the above. I've always said that I can cope with the ridiculous workload, it's the mental pressure that is difficult.

Sometimes I'm okay. Sometimes I'm not. To everyone in work in okay.

I wonder whether all jobs would be the same as the pressure and anxiety is ultimately coming from inside myself (although I worked in careers before teaching and didn't feel like this but I wasn't juggling as much and not as much depended on my income). I am definitely trying to care less about what everyone at work thinks of me. I think that adds to the weight.

I feel the same. If I'm not working I am feeling anxious about the workload and the pressure. I'm at a high achieving school so the expectations are high and the pressure is crushing me. I'm good at my job so they keep piling more and more on top of me. I've been working 12 hours a day, 7 days per week since October and started having panic attacks when I take my daughter to swimming because I have so much work today. I took 2 days off this holidays because I was so burnt out which resulted in me having another panic attack. I'm done. I can't do this anymore

To do, not today

I did, constantly. A feeling of constant pressure, as though I had forgotten something. I retired last term and it lifted immediately.

I totally recognise this feeling...alongside the 'detatched' feeling I have towards my gorgeous family as I internally ' count down' how much time is left before Monday morning and how much of my work I can get done by then (I never get it all done).
I have no real solution though it is easier in term 6, job lists help and an acceptance that I will do as much as I can...but then I am the one who chose to take on extra responsibility and I WANT my sons to see me working hard in a job I do love dearly...if you find a solution, please share!

I was reading a thread on here last night about how people (with no dc at home) spend their weekends - lots of accounts of relaxing and enjoyable times, and part of me kept thinking why aren’t they getting stuff done? Where are the diy projects etc? Because my brain is just programmed to think anything pleasurable is a waste of time!

This afternoon I have been googling ways to injure myself to get signed off work. What it brought up was old MN threads, all by teachers. I don’t want to go back tomorrow. I know when I’m there it won’t be as terrible as it feels now.

I know I could go and get signed off but I’m so afraid to do that and to admit to a mental health problem at work. I feel so ashamed of feeling this way and I wonder if I am just lazy and don’t want to work.

I could call in sick tomorrow - though I’d have to think up cover - and try to get into the GPs, though a doctor’s appointment is likely to be at least a two week wait here. I could probably get prescribed anti depressants, I could get a sick note but I’m worried that those things would delay the inevitable which is that I can’t do this job anymore. Plus, I have two Y11 classes and now would be a disastrous time to not be at work.

Or, I could just go in tomorrow and face it. I can’t see myself walking through the door, but I can’t see myself ringing in sick either. I’m genuinely imagining crashing my car on the way in but I won’t do that.

Sorry to everyone else feeling this way.

@Lasershark I know how you feel. The worry about being judged for 'not coping' is horrendous. How long have you felt like this? Most people would advise you to seek medical help. In my case, I just kept going and eventually that feeling lifted and I found passion in my work again. It should not feel like this.