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Controversial, new colleague is pregnant. Can't help but feel somewhat miffed.
43

alldayeveryday86 · 06/02/2019 17:58

I know this is a controversial topic, but I am appealing to those out there who must have felt this on some level.
We struggled to appoint a new teacher in our department (computer science) .
One of the trainees we had last year applied for the job and she stared in September after her second placement. Winner as she was good and hopefully another female on board will boost the number of girls we get choosing it as an option gcse.
Today she announced she's 4 months pregnant.

Don't get me wrong, I know women are entitled to a family whenever they want, but I can't help but feel frustrated. I waited 8 years to ttc as I wanted to make sure I was comfortable in my job (and happy teaching at the top of the scale), before any life changing events happened. I also couldn't bare the thought of getting pregnant so soon after starting a new job.
I guess I'm nervous at the prospect of having to pick up the slack because of her absence on maternity. Is there anyone that can empathise with me? Or am I just being a moaning myrtle? Blush

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PotteringAlong · 06/02/2019 17:59

You’re being a moaning myrtle. She will complete the academic year, she’s not leaving exam classes in the lurch and just because you waited 8 years doesn’t mean everyone should.

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Summeriscomin · 06/02/2019 18:01

Somethings aren’t planned. Even if they are it’s nothing to do with you.

Just because you waited until you felt comfortable doesn’t mean other woman can’t do what suits them. Life isn’t gaurenteed for anyone and if someone wants a family then I say go ahead!

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MightyMagnificentScarfaceClaw · 06/02/2019 18:03

She made a different choice from you. Career isn’t the be all and end all for everyone. Maybe it wasn’t even planned! She will complete this year, take maternity leave then come back.

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LyraLieIn · 06/02/2019 18:07

I feel a bit like this but the other way round when I hear about colleagues who have been promoted during my career break to have my kids. But we all prioritise different things and there are trade offs whichever way. I am happy I made the right decision for me and I need to remember that, and forget about others and their different choices.

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Artfullydead · 06/02/2019 18:08

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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BlueCornishPixie · 06/02/2019 18:08

I don't really understand how your choices are relevent? It's completely irrelevant how you would feel in that situation

She wasn't pregnant when she applied, you have no idea if it was planned or not. It's not really any of your business.

It's annoying for you to have to pick up the slack when a work colleague goes on maternity but that would happen regardless of how long shed been there, someone wohld have had to pick the slack up for you and women are perfectly entitled to take maternity leave and have a child

It feels more like you are judging her for the sake of it. Your not any better than her because you waited.

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Wildestflower · 06/02/2019 18:10

You're being horribly judgemental about her being pregnant. Glad we have discrimination laws with attitudes like this around.

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Singlenotsingle · 06/02/2019 18:10

Hopefully they'll get maternity cover in while she's away

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TwllBach · 06/02/2019 18:15

You are being quite a bit of a moaning myrtle, yes. Just because you prioritised your career over your family to begin with doesn’t mean everyone else should. You don’t know if she has fertility problems or if it was an accident. A woman I know did what you did, postponed her family plans until she thought she was established in her career. This put her at the later end of her fertile years. She ended up having to have fertility treatment that was successful but she lost that pregnancy late on and then had a secondary infection that meant they had to take out her uterus. She said she bitterly resents putting her career first and often wonders if she’d have tried for babies in her early 20s things might be different.

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TheFifthKey · 06/02/2019 18:18

It’s annoying but surely in teaching you know you can never assume a colleague will be there beyond the end of the year? Even the most settled and happy people have life events that mean they take breaks or move jobs.

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BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 06/02/2019 18:21

Don't you even see the irony in going on about getting women into your field and then bitching about them having a baby?

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Puggles123 · 06/02/2019 18:23

She will not struggle to get a job when she is ready to go back to work (if she chooses to), so has probably just not decided to base her life around work. And yes it’s quite surprising to have this attitude towards another woman at work.

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CaptainBrickbeard · 06/02/2019 18:25

People’s lives are far more important than their jobs. Your decision to wait eight years was yours alone and in no way something to be applauded and emulated by others. I have zero sympathy with you, OP.

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alldayeveryday86 · 06/02/2019 18:34

Thank you all for your comments. I guess I'm letting it bother me more than it should. I would never express any of these feelings at work or to my colleague. I congratulated her and gave well wishes. Hopefully I will get over this feeling as I know it's not a 'right' feeling to have

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MrDarcyWillBeMine · 06/02/2019 18:37

I get why you feel how you do.
I believe that a woman should commit to being in a new role for a minimum of a year before ‘intentionally’ becoming pregnant- those who don’t are just making a mockery of ‘equality’ in the hiring process!

Why should a company hire you if you’re going to sod off in maternity leave within 6 months? 🤔 ‘Because it’s illegal not to!’ - yes but it’s bloody painful too!

Imagine you ran a small business and were in desperate need of help, you hired a female and she announced she was pregnant 3 months in! So you’ve trained someone, gone through the hiring process and now you’re back to square one!

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CuckooCuckooClock · 06/02/2019 19:24

Fucking hell
This thread is making me want to cry

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AppleKatie · 06/02/2019 19:26

I’m glad you realise you are out of line OP.

Because you are, massively out of line.

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Doobydoobeedoo · 06/02/2019 19:32

" Winner as she was good and hopefully another female on board will boost the number of girls we get choosing it as an option gcse."

And won't it also be good for those girls to see that motherhood doesn't need to mean the end of working in computer science?

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MaisyPops · 06/02/2019 19:38

This thread confuses the life out of me and irritates me.

Men and women choose to have a baby. Why should women turn down jobs based on the fact 2 people might have a baby?

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MeltingWax · 06/02/2019 19:38

YABhorriblyU. Another woman has made different choices about reproduction than you have. You do not have the monopoly on the 'right' time to get pregnant. This thread has made me irrationally pissed off. Christ, we are still so far away from equality, it's shocking.

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bluerody · 06/02/2019 19:50

You're being horribly unreasonable OP. I got pregnant at the end of my NQT year when I had a permanent position. It was planned and I'd do the same again. It's just a job at the end of the day. Just because you waited to TTC doesn't mean anyone else should do the same.

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greendale17 · 06/02/2019 19:53

Yep I agree with you OP.

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VaselineDion · 06/02/2019 19:55

Lots of misogynists on this thread.

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Aquilla · 06/02/2019 19:56

Agree with you, OP and no, you're not 'massively out of line' (at least not in the Real World!).

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MamaDane · 06/02/2019 20:04

Women of a childbearing age should be expected to eventually get pregnant. Obviously not all women will, but it's perfectly natural to make babies even though you haven't been at a new job very long. Women have a limited period of time where we can procreate. Some are planned, some aren't. It's life. Quite literally. Nothing wrong with it.

I think it's good that you've reflected upon the situation after reading the replies. 😊

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