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Controversial, new colleague is pregnant. Can't help but feel somewhat miffed.

43 replies

alldayeveryday86 · 06/02/2019 17:58

I know this is a controversial topic, but I am appealing to those out there who must have felt this on some level.
We struggled to appoint a new teacher in our department (computer science) .
One of the trainees we had last year applied for the job and she stared in September after her second placement. Winner as she was good and hopefully another female on board will boost the number of girls we get choosing it as an option gcse.
Today she announced she's 4 months pregnant.

Don't get me wrong, I know women are entitled to a family whenever they want, but I can't help but feel frustrated. I waited 8 years to ttc as I wanted to make sure I was comfortable in my job (and happy teaching at the top of the scale), before any life changing events happened. I also couldn't bare the thought of getting pregnant so soon after starting a new job.
I guess I'm nervous at the prospect of having to pick up the slack because of her absence on maternity. Is there anyone that can empathise with me? Or am I just being a moaning myrtle? Blush

OP posts:
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LivLemler · 06/02/2019 20:25

God this thread is awful.

I believe that a woman should commit to being in a new role for a minimum of a year before ‘intentionally’ becoming pregnant- those who don’t are just making a mockery of ‘equality’ in the hiring process!

No, what makes a mockery of equality is expecting women to put off having families because they have chosen to move jobs.

I got a once in a lifetime job opportunity at 33, with no children. Was I supposed to just wait and hope my fertility didn't drop after 35? Or never make the career change simply because it came along in the wrong 5 year window?

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Bestseller · 06/02/2019 20:30

This is just one of those things.

I am miffed at the member of staff who upped her hours from 60% to 100% two weeks before announcing her second pregnancy though.

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AngelaHodgeson · 06/02/2019 20:37

So glad I work at a school were nobody would bat an eyelid. My employer just hired someone who is 6 months pregnant. She was the best candidate and they are going to figure out maternity cover just as they would if an established staff member was pregnant.

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Cheekyandfreaky · 06/02/2019 20:37

I hate that on average men get paid more than women for the same job.

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NightlyCircus · 06/02/2019 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cheekyandfreaky · 06/02/2019 20:40

I have sympathy @NightlyCircus . I can’t believe in this day and age we are holding women to account for something that is thé doing generally of a man and woman.

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Moominfan · 06/02/2019 20:44

The thing with feelings are they are just that. We don't get to choose them they simply exist. I wonder if her being pregnant has reminded you of any difficult emotions you've not accepted or tried to tuck away?

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CatnissEverdene · 06/02/2019 20:50

I can see what you're saying OP. It's frustrating to put a lot of effort into training someone into a role for them to leave in less than a year, for whatever reason be it pregnancy, illness or finding another job.

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MaisyPops · 06/02/2019 21:07

Its not even just that catniss.
A good employer knows that having the right person is worth something and so they'll train them up knowing it is an investment in the business or organisation. What's 9 months or so out of work when you will probably get a good employee for years?

If some managers are too short sighted to see that then they shouldn't be managers in my opinion.

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AppleKatie · 06/02/2019 21:14

Agree with you, OP and no, you're not 'massively out of line' (at least not in the Real World!).

What a bizarre opinion. You know there’s only one world and we’re all living in right?

In this world men and women often choose to have children. Rarely can they choose exactly when. For all you and the OP knows this couple have been trying for 8 years for a baby- should she stop trying if she takes a new job?

Or perhaps she’s in an abusive relationship and her partner has coerced her into pregnancy.

Or perhaps she desperately wants a child and has waited while she’s done her degree, pgce and knows she will complete her NQT before going on maternity.

Or perhaps she had a contraception malfunction and has decided abortion is not for her.

Maybe she intends to take 9 months out of a job she intends to do for 10 years.

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Noonemournsthewicked · 06/02/2019 21:28

I get you OP. A girl I knew applied 3 times for a job. Got it on the third time and then was pregnant within 6 months and didn't return off mat leave.
So much money lost to the business as a result which is how discrimination against child bearing women starts.

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physicskate · 07/02/2019 05:36

Holy shit. Some women try for years and years and years. So effectively, if they manage to conceive, it's almost 'unplanned' because life doesn't wait during those years and years and years. You can't always choose when to have children!!!!!!!!!!

If only men could carry pregnancies. Then all this 'blame' wouldn't be solely on women. But oh wait, men have a role in pregnancy too!!! (Most pregnancies, anyway!)

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missbattenburg · 07/02/2019 05:42

I knew a man once who stole from his employer. Guess that would make it ok to be annoyed every time a man got hired in the future...

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AppleKatie · 07/02/2019 07:58

Yes I’d never hire a man because I knew one bloke who took shared care with his wife had 6 months off and then asked to go back park time. Cheeky fucker. I don’t think we should hire men in their 29s/30s/40s/50s anymore in case they do the same.

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astuz · 07/02/2019 10:16

Lucky for you, that you didn't have fertility problems OP.

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Rainuntilseptember · 09/02/2019 00:12

Look even if a colleague was off sick with a medical issue that wouldn't wish on your worst enemy there's no doubt that it increases your own workload and has a knock on effect on your department - it's human nature to feel bad about its impact on you, even while feeling sympathetic (or in this case, happy) about your colleague's news. Even if (and its a big if) a subject supply is brought in theres still more work.

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voxnihili · 10/02/2019 21:14

I found out I was pregnant 4 weeks after being promoted to SLT. I was so nervous about the reaction I would get, and terribly guilty that I'd got the job over someone else (male) and I'd be disappearing off. I remember thinking 'oh typical' when I had the positive test.

We'd tried for years and had started tests with a view to having IVF. The initial tests weren't favourable so when I got my promotion we didn't see the point in stopping trying.

I suspect to most people it would have looked like I just waited to get the promotion and then got pregnant.

Still, the guilt over getting pregnant just after my promotion was nothing compared to the guilt about my 'oh typical' comment when I suffered a miscarriage.

No one ever knows the full story about someone - it may be irritating to you but you've got no idea what they might have been through to get there.

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Parthenope · 10/02/2019 21:19

you hired a female and she announced she was pregnant 3 months in

A woman. The word is 'woman'. Hmm

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