"Parents must not abdicate duties to teachers"

[ASauvignonADay]

www.bbc.com/news/education-46416421 (sorry I can't link!)

"Parents should not expect schools to police children's eating and exercise, or toilet train pupils, Ofsted boss Amanda Spielman will say this week."

Just seen this all over Twitter. A lot of talk also of schools being blamed/responsible for the decline of children's mental health, but that schools are not experts and risk making things worse. We are being told as schools to try and step away from getting involved in some of the more complex mental health/trauma related issues, and more complex safeguarding issues. But with so many other services cut, I feel more kids are going to be left vulnerable as they fall down the gap.

My DD doesn't have (major) SEN (no significant delay) but isn't toilet trained, 1 term into Reception, age 4 1/2 now. She's got a medical condition which has been very long standing and hard to spot and shift.
My DS does have SEN (he was toilet trained but struggles with other things children are "supposed" to learn at home. CAMHS waiting list is 84 weeks and that's quite low for our area.

I'm 31 and in my Primary school there was exactly one child who wasn't toilet trained. I can still tell you his name now. Everyone avoided him because it was weird that he wasn't toilet trained, and he found it extremely difficult to make friends. One time in Year 3 he didn't get up to go to the toilet and the teacher absolutely bollocked him for making her clean up his mess.

It's really incredibly sad that this kind of thing is on the rise.

Children should know by 5 how to use a toilet. Seriously. People have managed it for centuries before now, so what's changed?

Children with SEN aren't hidden at home, put in institutions, or denied a mainstream education that would otherwise be suitable?
That's changed in the last 50 years.

There are children picked up from my son's reception class who are immediately shoved in a buggy and a bottle of milk or dummy shoved in their mouths so the lack of toilet training doesn't surprise me.

I work in a children's centre, one of the places that should be providing support for families to tackle this stuff before it gets to this stage and honestly, the outreach workers are so rushed off their feet dealing with referral families with bigger issues than this kind of thing that they rarely have time to sit and support parents through this stuff.

I expect I'll be flamed for this. The reason children are not toilet trained is parental laziness or neglect in most cases. Before disposable nappies existed most children were toilet trained by the age of 2. In our local authority toilet training, speech and eating are key points for last Nursery to address because there are so many children who turn up to Reception now not toilet trained, with terrible speech and language and unable to eat properly.
DH was visiting one of the feeder primary schools for his secondary school and he was talking to a small group of Y1s about how the school helped them if they had a fall-out. A little girl said 'We talk to eachother with Mrs x'. A little boy said 'I don't. I just fucking punch them'. The school said that is exactly what he does and his parents are not supporting the school -they think it is fine.
It is all down to poor parenting.It is the biggest issue in schools at the moment related to children who fall behind. By the time they are 5, children who have been badly parented have fallen behind in all key areas - socially, emotionally and behaviourally as well as academically, and the gaps just get bigger as time goes on. They never catch up.

Before disposable nappies existed most children were toilet trained by the age of 2.
25 years ago these were widely used. People are talking about a change in that time.

I think there are huge amounts of bullshit, and hyperbole about this whole area, there are headlines and anecdotes a plenty and absolutely no actual data or figures that the headlines are based on. I'd like to see actual figures on how many children start reception in nappies (not having accidents...actually in nappies). These figures should be broken down to show children who have additional needs and/or medical needs, and children who go on to have needs diagnosed at a later age (because many children have no diagnosis at reception age).

I work in education and have done for many years. I can tell you categorically that children are stating school at much lower levels than they have done in previous years.
The ability to speak clearly, use a knife and fork, recognise letters, use fine motor skills, dress themselves just to name a few has definitely taken a downturn.
Of course not all children are like this but a significant number are.
If your child starts school unable to recognise the alphabet then they are at a disadvantage. The children whose parents have taught their child the alphabet, read to them and encouraged use of fine motor skills will flourish and find school so much easier. You are not doing your child any favours by leaving it up to school. If you cannot hold a pencil correctly then whilst other children are learning how to spell and form correct sentences, you will be held back, make no doubt about it.

If you cannot speak clearly then your writing will suffer. I see lots of parents who simply do not parent their children. They would rather give them a tablet than hold a conversation with them.

A little boy said 'I don't. I just fucking punch them'.
That's not a family that's failing to set boundaries. That's a family in which you get punched if you cross them.