Feeling so deflated.

[Thereisonlythismoment]

Feeling really low at the moment. Was very unwell before Christmas but have been trying to keep it together but plummeted again last week. Some pupils that I thought were doing well have performed abysmally in recent assessments and the proverbial is starting to hit the fan. I have done my best but it is obviously far from good enough. I can’t shake off this terrible sense of doom and I feel as if I just can’t carry on. I can’t switch off and I am obsessively checking work emails. I can’t confide in anyone and don’t know what to do.

So sorry to hear that. There's a professional helpline for teachers. Perhaps it would help to call and have a chat? It's the Education Support Partnership, I think UK-wide: 08000 562 561

As teachers, we can get over-invested in our pupils' achievements. Ultimately, if you've taught them well (which I'm sure you have), you've done everything you can. Pupils need to do the graft now.

You ... and thousands of other great teachers. This is what the job can do to you, especially if SLT's approach is to blame you rather than support you.

Yes to contacting the helpline.
Get a GP appointment - get signed off if you need to recharge and sleep and recover. You can't teach at all if you are unwell.

Do you see it getting better for you at this school? Not all schools would generate a shit hitting the fan response to a poor assessment. A more supportive school, or even move out of teaching. Your physical and mental health must come first.

This morning I have been seriously contemplating throwing myself down the stairs. I woke up in the early hours in sheer panic thinking about the reports that I have to write. These pupils seemed to be doing okay - how did I get it so wrong. How do I face the parents. I am so rubbish I shouldn’t be doing this job - I try so hard but it is hopeless. I need some self care today but don’t know what or where to start. I haven’t spoken to anyone in real life - don’t know how.

That is such a sad post.
The trouble with teaching is that the demands are relentless and unreasonable. If SL T are not supportive, then the workload very quickly becomes unachievable, and work soon becomes only a joyless list of what you haven't done.
The targets set for you are the work/ levels the children achieve, under test conditions, and you are judged on their performance, not yours.

I think you should go to the GO and get signed off, speak to your union for support, and start considering an alternative career. If you are on M N you probably have children, and you therefore have a double workload. It's not sustainable. The only teachers I know with small children who manage ok are those who are part time, or who are men with a wife taking the brunt of the childcare load.

I know my GP would sign me off but I had just over a week off last term with stress and my life was made a misery. My HOD phoned me demanding to know why I hadn’t done certain things - I thought someone else would do them since I was unwell - seriously it nearly drove me to a suicide attempt. I have most definitely been labelled as a result and so feel being signed off isn’t an option. Hence the thoughts of falling down the stairs so that I have an acceptable physical reason for not being there. I have honesty never felt more alone.

Hence the thoughts of falling down the stairs so that I have an acceptable physical reason for not being there.
I have so much sympathy for you OP - I've been in this place and was very very unwell mentally. Please do seek some form of counselling and don't be afraid to get signed off if it's needed. It's awful that you've been driven to this.

OP you must go to the GP and get signed off. You cannot go to work tomorrow.
No job is worth what this is doing to your mental health. Honestly everything seems so much worse when you're suffering from work related stress but seriously- this is just a job. You should not feel this way.

You can’t be responsible for children in your state of mind. Get signed off for everyone’s sake, including yours.

As Rowena says, it’s just a job, and one you don’t like much at the moment. Take a few days and rethink.

Oh my love. I was there 2 years ago. Your updates sound so familiar.

1 - Ring that helpline. Ring Samaritans.
2 - Monday morning - ring GP for urgent appointment. Call school or get someone else to call them. GP reception might do it for you. You are off sick.
3 - call your union. Get them to stand up for you if school give you any grief.

The school can get other teachers. You can't get another You!

Thereis I've had similar feelings in a previous job (the job itself was great but I worked for a small family business with an unreasonable boss and that made things very stressful). Not to the extent you're having, but just sometimes, I thought breaking a bone so I didn't have to go into work would be ideal.

It's not ok to feel like this. Get signed off to get some breathing space and work from there!

Thank you. I really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to reply. I have managed to get up and have something to eat - baby steps.

op please look after yourself

Please don't go to work tomorrow. Go see your GP and get signed off. Sometimes having the space to breathe is what you need. You've done everything you can for pupils now and it's up to them. Take next week, take half term and see how you feel.

Sending you flowers

Bless your heart op.

Teacher input is just part of the jigsaw of pupil attainment - if your SLT wonder about performance maybe they should look at their own behaviour towards a struggling member of staff?

You owe it to yourself to stay off and look after yourself. You have rights and your line manager will have to do just that - manage. Tasks you would normally have done will need to be done by someone else. That’s how it works.

As PPs have said, go to your GP and get signed off.

Do NOT do any school work.

Ring your union as soon as you get home from your GP and ask them to ring the school and tell them in no uncertain terms, that they must not contact you.

They cannot ask you to do work when you are ill.

From that point onwards, any dealings you need to have with the school, let your union rep do it instead. If your school tries to contact you direct, then forward the message to your union rep (if email), or put the phone down on them, and tell your union rep straight away.

The school's behaviour is completely unacceptable!

Been thinking about you today @thereisonlythismoment. Very much hope that you're getting the help that you need.

Oh therereallyis I could have written your op. Not verbatim, my school are putting me through my own shit in their own special way.

However, the bit about throwing yourself down the stairs? Yes, that's me too. Right now, today. Although I haven't been considering the stairs route, I've been thinking a lot about driving into a tree or similar.

Although I have a mortgage to pay I know I have to get out and I strongly suggest that you do the same.

I have no idea what I'm going to do instead but I've handed my notice in for 31/8. Even if I have to do supply someone, somewhere will employ me.

In the meantime PPs have offered good advice, I strongly suggest calling one of the helplines, that's what I will be doing later.

I hope you are doing ok, you have my empathy, sympathy and best wishes.
Sadly, you are not alone, please look after yourself

Get signed off, hand in your notice, look after yourself.

It’s what I’ve done. Although I haven’t been signed off. I’m taking a complete step back for a bit. Do supply. Find a better school (if such a beast exists).

Sadly MissSusan in my local area I don't think there is a better school, I've tried.
I'm really not sure they exist anymore.

Sorry to hijack your post OP but I hope this is still relevant.

I work for Education Support and sadly your stories are not unique. We hear similar from many teachers and others who work in education who are under massive pressure. I really urge both @purpleandgold and @thereisonlythismoment to call our helpline asap. You can access telephone counselling to get you through this really difficult time and they really understand how difficult it is for those working in schools today. It's free and confidential on 08000 562561.

Posting to bump the previous post. Cannot agree more. It feels like you're trapped and drowning but once you talk to someone and realise it doesn't have to be like that, you feel like you've been given a second lease of life!

Thank you to everyone who has posted. I am so sorry to hear that others have also been left feeling so low but I hope that nobody minds me saying that it was a comfort to know that I am not alone. I have had sought some help today and for the moment the intrusive thoughts are at bay. I know that it may only be a short respite and I am just living from moment to moment for now. Thank you xx

Very best wishes to all those who are struggling. I am fortunate to be in a place I love at the moment, but have been in your shoes in the past where I genuinely hoped to have an accident on the way to work every morning, rather than have to go in and cope.

Hoping you all get the support you need and that life gets better.

Get yourself another job as soon as you can. You aren’t being fair to yourself staying, neither are you being fair to your colleagues or your pupils. No job is worth what you are going through. Concentrate on finding a job that you prefer.