What is the etiquette for addressing teachers?

[chocolatesun]

Should you use Mrs, etc, then surname? Or is it ok to call them by their first name? Obviously I’m only referring to instances when my child is not there.

I’ve volunteered regularly with a class all year and I still can’t bring myself to call the teachers by their first names, even though they’ve invited me to. They email me using first names and mention one another to me by first name, but it gets stuck in my throat somehow!

I live in the kind of small town where you tend to know your kids teachers from church/the gym/ the choir etc.

In school and in emails I address them as Mrs Smith and sign them Pink.

They refer to me as Mrs Calluna but sign emails Jane.

Outside school we are just Pink and Jane and never, ever discuss school.

Some children at my children's school quoted a rule today with "x said". It transpired that they were referring to a TA by her first name but because they are mates with her small son they defaulted to her first name. I did know her first name, I just wasn't expecting the children to use it. It is a strange convention. I work closely with a number of schools and having to remember 2 sets of names for everyone throws me. It isn't the same as in the real world where you meet 'Sarah Robinson' - you meet Sarah one moment and Mrs / Miss Robinson the next!

I'm secondary. At parents evening I introduce myself as firstname surname and I sign off emails to parents as the same. I don't care what they call me, within reason!

I think this all comes from during my training year when I introduced myself as miss seven at parents evening and the mum said "oh la de da, Miss seven is it?". This was after she had a go at my colleague and wanted to know who I was and what I thought of her daughter!

Just to answer a few questions, if your dc comes to my office, I would expect to be called Mrs Longdistance. I would expect the parents to follow suit and do the same.

I do work in a Prep school, but my dds are state, and would not dream of them calling dds school Secretary ‘Jane’ or whatever, it’s Mrs X

longdistance children possibly but adults? Really? Teachers yes, admin staff? Why?

In some schools (mostly likely secondary), there can be some blurry lines where support staff also have contact with children (eg lunch duties etc) and having the formality can be useful. We are all expected to be able to point out uniform and behaviour issues.

I did this in an email and the teacher replied back signing off as Miss .... I felt embarrassed and didn't know whether to email back and apologise or just leave it. I left it and hoped it will be forgotten savour

Secondary - parents always address me as Mrs Cynderella. If they sign an email with a first name, I reply in the same way with my full name and department underneath. If they sign off as Mrs Parent, I keep to titles.

If I email or phone someone more than twice, we're usually on first name terms.

Depends on the teacher really. I'm a teacher, I don't like being referred to by my surname by parents. Have at it if you want, but we're both adults - I like and use first names. Think I've trained most of my class parents into using my first name over the year

I really don't mind if parents use my first name/surname either away or in front of the children. I would say most tend to use Ms Poopsnagle because they probably can't think quickly what my real name is! Emails/ newsletters /phonecalls home are always first name surname.

I tend to use other teachers' first names too when I speak directly to them, again with/without children. If I'm sending a child to them, then I would use their surname. I think it was a bit of when I first started at my school as they were quite traditional but I can't stand all the pomp of "Mrs Farfarfarquar have you got any gluesticks," "Oh hang on a minute Ms Poopsnagle they're just here." when I'm speaking to my colleagues.

I use surnames for my own children's teachers too scared to use their first names!

I occasionally deal with local teachers professionally, as do my colleagues, and at times those might be my kids teachers, a fact totally irrelevant to the interaction. Then we all use first names. In the normal teacher/parent/school type relationship I would always use their full name as my kids do. Occasionally causes me confusion when a colleague said 'oh did you see Michelle at the weekend event' and in my head she's really only the headmistress Mrs Smith, and it takes me a second to match the two.

It grinds my gears when I get an email that begins Good Morning Piggy'. Guess I'm old fashioned.

I never ever call parents by their first names, and that should work in reverse.

I invariably find it is those from the corporate world who do this, usually men, as it goes. But in the corporate world you are communicating via email for very different reasons. Would you email a GP ' Dear Andrew'?

I have felt a bit like that parent is levelling a playing field rather than the old fashioned seeing the teacher as an authority figure (in all things educational at least). You have made it clear that that is not what you are doing. Generally though emails I receive that do this are often a bit passive aggressive.

I only use first names for people I know!

I have a couple of times now had emails from my DS's teachers that begin 'Dear Piggy' and I don't like it the other way round either ... sorry . I am 'Dear Mrs Waspushed' to you, business teacher...

But I am sure that's not why the teacher hasn't replied nonetheless.

Mr/Mrs in school situation.

First names in PTA situation.

Also on residential school trip, first names out of earshot of the kids, surnames when in groups.

When I've emailed teachers at my kids school they invariably reply with their first names only so I rely in a similar vein. I try to avoid using their names face to face though but if kids are around I default to Mrs X.

When I bumped into the head in town (without my kids) I greeted him with his first name which I think surprised him but didn't unduly bother him.
I help at a school club which my kids attend. I am supposed to be Mrs Brassica as a parent volunteer but I've managed to become Jess which suits me better. Ds (6) struggles with what to call me in that situation and seems to have defaulted to Jess rather than mum!

I just don't get this. I called the school secretary by her first name earlier although I knew her as that way before she started at the school. Teachers are Miss/Mr/Ms/Mrs whatever.. It's random. I am a Dr and expect purple at work. Not Dr Purple unless v official. I am not a medical Dr clearly. I don't get the hang up with teacher names out of child earshot personally.

It would feel a bit weird being addressed with my first name by parents of my pupils. I'm not at all formal about such things outside of my job. But communications with parents kind of feel like an extension of my relationship to the students.

If I ever need to contact my dd's teachers, I call them Mr/Mrs... etc, even though I fairly regularly do supply at the same school and see them in the staffroom.

Exactly what Piggy said. I really dislike emails from parents - who I may have never met, or only met for five minutes at a parents meeting - saying “Dear Only...” I think: when did we get on first name terms?? And yes, I do find that it tends to be the kind of parents who want me to know very clearly what my place is - there to serve them and their child rather than to be deserving of any professional respect and courtesy.

The analogy with the GP is good: I can’t imagine emailing my GP “Dear Jennifer...”

I always called teachers Miss/Mrs/Mr, it shows respect for their professional status, and saves slipping up with children. I'm going to be volunteering in my daughter's class, it will be a little more tricky remembering to call her Miss Sirrah! (She's the teacher.)

Mrs Malbecfan to the kids. I sign emails with my first name & surname, but parents always email me Mrs M...

The only issue I have had is when my daughters have brought friends home. I teach in their school and honestly don't mind them calling me by my first name out of school, but they never do. One of DD1's best friends has a mum who plays in the same orchestra as me. We are obviously on first name terms. Even though both have now left school & are at uni, she still calls me Mrs Malbecfan. So does DD1's boyfriend (they started going out at the end of year 13). However, they call Mr M by his first name. Apparently it's because they cannot possibly change my address after such a long time!

I’ve volunteered regularly with a class all year and I still can’t bring myself to call the teachers by their first names

I've volunteered all year with a class teacher who has the same flipping surname as me! That one gets confusing with all the Mrs Xes flying around! I just go with what the staff have gone with - so one regularly signs off emails with her first and surname, and all the staff happily refer to her as that when talking to other parents etc... but other teachers remain firmly as Mrs X - it's funny as hell to watch.

Mind you I was usually referred to by parents wanting to leave stuff at the office or whatever as "that teacher with the really funny name" (hence I changed it sharpish to something easy and spellable when I got married) so anything's progress.

I do wish DD2's teacher would stop addressing me as "so-and-so's mummy" though - that one drives me barmy at times!

The office staff I've always called by first names- but they introduced themselves in the initial email as Jane Smith and then "hello, I'm Jane" when I first met them so I've taken the lead from that.

As a parent who has regular meetings at school, my Ds’s teacher will talk about teachers, TA’s and head on first name terms . I have to convert the names into Mr and Mrs and then use Mr and Mrs in reply .

It's a tricky one. Most of the teachers at my dc's school call me Ellie but i'm not sure if that means i should call them by their first names.

I write Mrs but sign off as my first name/last name. They usually write Mrs and sign off as Mrs. For a while i decided to do the same and sign off as Mrs too. I remember after doing this one of them used my first name that she saw in my email but signed herself off as Miss X! Probably by accident