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Time off for childrens sickness
58

Cantwineitherway1 · 10/12/2017 20:47

I started my new job in September. Had to have 3 days off so far for illness of my children, 1 day for myself when ds gave me his sickness bug. Youngest ds (13 months) has had a raging temp all day and only wants me, isn't at all well. Its looking likely i will have to have tomorrow off to be home with him.

I feel so guilty that it will be ANOTHER day off. Then i feel guilty for feeling guilty about being at work when my baby is poorly and needs me. I have a partner but he has also taken a lot of time off recently (plus baby doesnt want him!) But in terms of family theres noone else. What would you do? Feeling pretty rubbish tonight.

Thanks

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PurplePillowCase · 10/12/2017 20:50

where is dc's dad? does he take them 50/50 when they are ill?

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PurplePillowCase · 10/12/2017 20:51

duh, ignore me. you have put it already in the op...

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Cantwineitherway1 · 10/12/2017 20:52

He has probably done about the same, plus has had to have time off while the childminder was closed on a few odd days over the last few weeks (they had a baby).

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MsJaneAusten · 10/12/2017 22:26

Honestly? I think you need to start building more contacts who can have DC when they're ill, and accepting that even if DS wants you, sometimes he'll have to put up with DH or someone else.

I think it's generally accepted that you can have one day off for emergency childcare but that you'd spend that day putting in place alternatives for the next day. In this case, you already know he'll need looking after tomorrow, so should have been putting those in place today.

I know it's hard, I really do (DS1 was off school all of last week and we used a combo of DH / DM / emergency nanny and a friend to cover the time) but repeatedly taking time off work isn't a long term solution.

Sorry. I know that's not the answer you wanted Blush

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Cantwineitherway1 · 10/12/2017 22:41

Thats easier said than done. DPs mum lives an hour away and works full time. My parents are both dead so its pretty much just us. I hope he will be okay in the morning but hes awake again boiling hot and sounding dreadful..

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Cakesprinkles · 10/12/2017 22:42

Eek-that’s a lot. Are you full or part time? I work in a school that’s very accommodating but that is a lot of time off in not even a full term, and I know I’d get called in to talk about it if that happened to me. If the baby goes to a CM will she take him if he’s had calpol? Could you swap PPA/frees around so you don’t have to take a full day off?

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MsJaneAusten · 10/12/2017 22:43

I know it is, but building contacts (Childminder’s, babysitters, parents of the kids’ friends etc) isn’t impossible.

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MsJaneAusten · 10/12/2017 22:45

Argh. Rogue apostrophe. Bloody phone.

You do have my complete sympathy. It’s horrid when they’re ill and you feel guilty whether you stay home or go in. I just think it’s important to have back up.

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Cantwineitherway1 · 10/12/2017 22:50

Im fairly certain the childminder wont take him the way he is atm. They have sent him home before for less. Argh wish i hadnt asked now, feeling under even more pressure about it. Thanks for opinions though. Not sure what im going to do. For what its worth I work 0.8 so 4 days a week

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CaptainBrickbeard · 10/12/2017 22:50

I am in exactly the same position, OP. It’s easy to say you need to put in place alternative plans; what are the alternative plans for a child with a sick bug? And at this time of tear, small children get ill a lot. You can’t use a childminder or nursery for a sick child, my friends and parents work as well so what do you actually do? DH and I split it 50/50 sometimes even on the day itself eg one of us stays home for the morning and we swap at lunchtime. But I’ve had the same number of days as you and will be off with a sick child again tomorrow. Nothing I can do about it. The worry and anxiety about it is hideous. I won’t sleep tonight, thinking about the phone call in the morning.

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Cherrysherbet · 10/12/2017 22:56

It doesn't sound that much time off to me. It's the time of year where so many bugs are flying around, and it's so difficult when you've got children. When little ones are poorly, it's only natural they want their Mum. Don't feel guilty, stay home tomorrow and snuggle your poorly baby xx

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Babbitywabbit · 11/12/2017 06:07

That’s a lot of time off since sept and will be having an impact on the pupils, so it’s not unreasonable if SLT want to meet with you about it

It’s really tough (been there myself with 3 kids) but the only solution really is to build up some emergency fall backs. When you have no family nearby it’s the only way

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CaptainBrickbeard · 11/12/2017 06:12

Again, what are the emergency fallbacks? I don’t understand what people mean by this. Paid childcare won’t take them; it would be extremely cheeky to ask any SAHM/pt working mums when I can’t reciprocate because I’ll never be able to have their ill children as I will be at work...and why would they take a vomiting child and expose their own kids to it anyway?

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NannyOggsKnickers · 11/12/2017 06:21

I don’t think there’s much you can do if you don’t have family to help and you and DH are already sharing the load equally.

Your child is more important. School need to understand that. Mine does. As long as you ares tying meanful cover and aren’t taking the mickey then there isn’t much they can do. I’ve had as much time this year. It can’t be helped.

Teachers put themselves under so much pressure to go above and beyond for the kids. But there is only so much it is humanly possible to do. The students won’t be that negatively affected by a few days in the long term. Give yourself a break.

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CaptainBrickbeard · 11/12/2017 06:36

The obsession with the minute documentation of progress is why so many teachers are stressed. I teach a core subject and am responsible for a couple of hundred pupils’ progress. I have a file on my desk in which I have to record all of their progress against targets and document every intervention I make for each of them; there are no wasted minutes or downtime, the pace is relentless. The idea that children’s grades will suffer if we aren’t there every second comes from that but today I have set exam practice so it’s meaningful and useful for them to do. We will be working every single second until the bell rings on the last day of term; there are no dvds or ‘fun lessons’ for Christmas. It’s exhausting. Enough of my family life is compromised by the stress of this job as it is; I can’t drag my poorly child with diarrhoea out of his comfortable bed and pass him on to anyone I can find, even if I could find anyone at all.

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PurplePillowCase · 11/12/2017 07:12

there are emergency childcare agencies around who would send a nanny at short notice.
it's £££ though and of course you might not know the person clming to look after your dc.

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TittyGolightly · 11/12/2017 07:20

it would be extremely cheeky to ask any SAHM/pt working mums when I can’t reciprocate because I’ll never be able to have their ill children as I will be at work...

You could reciprocate during school holidays........

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reallytired17 · 11/12/2017 07:24

Doesn’t sound that bad to me, actually. Five days - if they were all together it would be OK. It’s the fact they are spread out. Plenty in my department have had that.

It’s one thing asking another mum to have a child if the nursery pipes have frozen or something but a coughing, sneezing, vomiting, hot child is another thing entirely. I’m harsh with illness, probably because my parents always worked full time and I got sent in even if I was very ill, but I can quite understand another parent saying no in those circumstances and I can quite understand OP not wanting to ask.

That being said OP, do make sure you don’t go exclusively down the road of ‘they want their mummy’ - not saying you are - but the child should be cared for by a parent. Not a female parent!

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hashtagelfie · 11/12/2017 07:28

I don't think 5 days off in 3 months is that awful. My only suggestion is to have an alternative childminder to use as backup when your childminder has to close so that you and dh only need to take time off for actual sickness. Then just do it 50/50. You are within your legal rights to have time of for dependants so don't feel guilty about it.
I love my job but it's a job and if I lost it I could find another, but I can't ever replace my dc so they are my first priority always

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WitchesHatRim · 11/12/2017 07:28

That’s a lot of time off since sept and will be having an impact on the pupils, so it’s not unreasonable if SLT want to meet with you about it

I tend to agree. Especially as you are on a 4 day week.

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shhhfastasleep · 11/12/2017 07:32

Sorry to tell you this but, that's par for the course as a working parent. Particularly in winter.

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Outbackshack · 11/12/2017 07:42

In a similar situation, 2 dc one both preschool age so not really made "school" friends yet. My parents 200 miles away dhs parents very ill. Also a 0.8! 3 days off for me so far and same for dh.

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Cupcakegirl13 · 11/12/2017 07:42

I can't understand these people who suggest an emergency nanny. Who in their right mind would leave their sick child with a total stranger ???

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CappuccinoCake · 11/12/2017 07:45

It's one of the many reasons instriggled to go back into teaching when ours were small. We had no back up and my husband worked away.

I think some people have parents that help out a lot and are really the only people who will take a sick child.

I'm now a sahm and I wouldn't take a sick/contagious child and not sure many wouild..

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NannyOggsKnickers · 11/12/2017 07:46

Oh do come off it. The children at school are important but not more important than OP’s kids and they will not suffer from a few days teacher absence. A while Week all at once is a different story. The teaching profession as a whole (and I include myself here) need to stop martyring themselves over pupil progress. There is only so much one person can do for a child who spends most of their time out of your care.

Teach the best lessons you can, tell them how to improve on a regular basis and care about them (but not more than you do yourself). All of this bullshit about a few lessons of cover is over the top.

Staff need to give themselves and each other a break. The macho culture of most schools is not helpful. Nor is it helpful to make it a competition over who can drive themselves into the ground first.

‘The beatings will continue until morale improves’ should be the motto of most schools.

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